Page 46 of Gravel and Grit

Throughout all these centuries he’d lost so much—friends and comrades in the crash, his purpose in life, even some of his fucking sanity—but he always had his honor. He had never killed a human, had stayed in hiding to follow the Prime Directive even after the loneliness became excruciating.

He’d built a base of operations, followed survival protocol, and constantly monitored for rescue. He’d done everything right… until now. Without his honor he was nothing. She was worth any sacrifice, even that of his honor, but without it he was unworthy of her. And, once she knew, he would not have her anyway.

When the rescue ship arrived he would have to submit himself for punishment. There was no other option.

The consequence for delivering thedassawithout consent was severe, as it should be. It was so rare as to almost be unheard of, but the vileurkrezto commit such a crime were forced into theduramnafor centuries and given an injection so they were aware for every second and made to experience the helplessness they’d inflicted on their victim.

“Zaek, are you okay?” Mira asked nervously, watching him like he had truly gone crazy.

No. No, he was not okay. That she still cared enough to ask was only because he had not explained.

Realizing that, he shoved down his devastation and locked away the horror he felt toward himself. She was more important. She came first, always. He forced his limbs to move and returned to her, but he sat without touching her. He would not do so again, not until she knew and not unless she desired it.

The chances of that were small.

Keeping his voice steady and calm by sheer force of will, he told her everything. How his people had true mates,Hondassas, and that she was his.

That when a person found theirs, a specialized gland would produce fluid, and when shared, it modified the recipient’s genetics to allow them to be reproductively compatible.

“That’s the gland you mentioned in the cabin. The one that gave you a speech impediment,” she interjected, looking staggered.

“Yes. I reacted to you the moment I caught your scent in your laboratory.”

“That’s… wow,” she whispered. Some of the focus returned to her gaze.

“Why do your people need it, though? There must have been something limiting the availability of breeding partners for it to have evolved.”

“Khargals have different breeds within our species and those breeds are not naturally compatible. Without thedassa—the mating fluid—couples from different breeds cannot have young.”

“So, it works on other species, as well? Not just Khargals?” she asked cautiously.

He nodded and swallowed hard. “When we discovered space travel and made contact with inhabitants of other planets, we discovered almost immediately that the gland reacted to other species, as well.”

“How, exactly, does thedassaaffect the recipient?” she breathed.

He could hear her heart pounding rapidly.

Feeling sick, he told her of the changes her body would go through now that he had done what he’d done.

“The changes do not become permanent until many doses have been delivered over the course of years, but you will be stronger, faster from the first. Eventually, your lifespan will extend to that of a Khargal’s. You will heal more quickly, and your senses will be somewhat enhanced.”

At that her gaze became even more unfocused as her attention turned inward. She cocked her head, then drew in a deep breath through her nose.

Blinking in surprise, she whispered in shock, “I can hear the refrigerator compressor all the way in the kitchen. I can smell you, us.”

“If you do not receive regular doses your genetics will eventually revert, but not completely. You will always hold a piece of me,” he rasped, meaning that in more ways than one.

He expected the horror he felt to show on her face by this point, but it didn’t. She looked stunned, but he could tell she was not truly considering what he was telling her on a personal level. She was thinking about this as a scientist, and a dazed one at that, but his next words would change that.

“It is also possible for you to become pregnant now. You may be so already.”

He could not detect the shift in her scent that would suggest she was carrying young, but it was early.

There it was. Her expression slowly lost all animation, and she went very still. She sat there in silence for a long, long while, before she finally mumbled something he couldn’t quite make out, then moved woodenly, scooting off his bed and padding slowly to the bathing room as if in a trance.

He felt his heart crumbling to dust with every step she took away from him. He watched her come to a stop next to the shower and look around as if she didn’t know how she got there before she twisted to turn the water on.

When he could not take it any longer, just sitting there watching her get farther and farther away from him, Zaek got up. Gathering her a new set of clothing, he laid them carefully on the bed then retreated to the kitchen to prepare her a meal. There was a chance she would not trust him to make food for her, but he had to try. She may hate him now, but it was still his duty to care for her, to protect her, and make sure she had anything she wanted or needed.

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