Taking a deep breath, I grab her hand. “You’ve wanted to travel for your whole life. I want you to do it, do it all, and have fun without having to worry about me.”
“Why would I worry? You have some gorgeous Brazilian girl waiting for you over there?” She laughs, but it’s forced. I wonder if she’s thought about that, if what I’m saying to her plays into some fear she’s had.
“Only girl for me is right here.” I chuff softly, tapping her knee. “I’m just saying, let’s take it easy. Have fun. Things can get complicated when they go long-distance, trust me, so let’s make it easier on ourselves.”
But she shakes her head. “I don’t want easy. I want you.”
“Wren…” I sit up. “Things get crazy on the road. What if you, I don’t know, meet someone else?”
She blanches. “Is that what you think I’m about? I’m traveling with my dad, Luca!”
It won’t just be her dad, but my stomach turns at the stricken look on her face. Deep down I knew she’d be upset. I wish I could make her understandthat I’m doing this for us, to make things easier. Simplified. No attachments. No pressure. “I’m just saying I know what it’s like trying to maintain a relationship across the miles. It’s easier said than done.”
“Hey, if you want to be free of this,” she says, a small tremble in her voice as she tips my face toward hers, “then just tell me now. But don’t act like it’s for me.”
I shake my head, touching her cheek. “I don’t want to be free of you at all. But I know what happens when people spend a lot of time apart. This, right here? This feeling? It becomes hard to remember. It was even hard for my parents.”
“What the fuck, Luca?” Her eyes fill with tears. “Why does it sound like you’re breaking up with me?”
“I’m not.” I pull her onto me, holding her body close to mine. “I just want you to be free to have fun and do whatever you want this summer. Send me postcards and then—”
“What, we can reevaluate how we feel when you get home?”
“Look, the last time I had a girlfriend, I left her too long and she cheated on me. I’m not going to let that happen again, okay? What we have now is too good. Too pure.”
“I’m not Brooke.”
“I know you’re not.” I rub my hand over my face. “I just don’t want anyone to get hurt.”
“I’d never hurt you,” she says, even as her face tells me that I’m hurting her.
When she starts to cry, I kiss her. I kiss her until she kisses me back, her nails digging into me like she won’t ever let me go. It’s hard to put into words how I feel about this girl, how I love her so much that Iwilllet her go. She lets me love her again, hard and fast like we’re trying to climb into each other. It’s not supposed to feel like goodbye, but maybe it is, because when I wake up in the morning, she’s already gone.
Wren
Summer
Luca: You’re really not going to say goodbye to me?
I set my phone down, blinking back tears. It’s the third text I’ve gotten from Luca in the past hour. I don’t know what to say to him.
“Is that him again?” Mom pauses, a slice of vegan pizza midway between her mouth and the plate.
Nodding, I push my leftover cauliflower crust aside and sink into the couch.
She wraps her hair into a knot, then lets it fall loose again. “I don’t get that boy.”
“Me, neither.”
My stomach hurts. From Luca, not the pizza. He’s never seemed like the type to play with my feelings, but this is confusing. If he doesn’t want us to be committed to each other while we’re traveling, why bother being together now? I just don’t understand him.
Maybe my mother was right, after all. Maybe men really are flaky and rarely stick around. The only time Luca ever actually called me his girlfriend was in another language, so maybe that’s a sign.
She presses play and our movie resumes. Two seconds later, my phone rings.
“Go talk to him. Now,” she commands, pointing the remote. “He’s obviously desperate.”
Sighing, I peel myself off the couch and take the phone to my old bedroom. I’m back at Mom’s apartment now that it’s summer. Back in the time warp.