Page 48 of Beginning Fate

I started shaking my head and forced myself to take a few steps back, causing Denny to get out of my way.

“Lauren, what's wrong?”

“Too close,” I managed to say.

I was ready to turn and bolt, but he grabbed my hand at the last second and I was jerked back, right into his arms. As they wrapped around me a sense of true safety washed over me, and I crumbled into him crying.

“I'm so sorry. Please talk to me,” he begged, but no words would form as we sank to the ground and he held me as I sobbed.

After a while he stopped asking what was wrong and just rocked me gently as I got out the years of pent-up grief until I couldn’t shed anymore tears.

Time had lost all meaning, but through my swollen eyes I saw that day was turning into night.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly.

I nodded.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I started to shake my head, but then sighed. He'd just witnessed me at my absolute lowest. Even Kylie had never seen me like this before, and I realized I really did need to talk about it.

“The water caught me off guard.”

“Because of your parents?” he guessed.

I nodded. “I used to love the water. My family spent hours nearly every weekend out on the water. It was once my happy place. We don't have a lot of room to safely run in New York City. Central Park at night is about the best option for a wolf shifter and we rule over the park. My dad used to say that gliding across the water with the wind in his hair was about the closest thing to running in his fur that he could get in his skin. It was thrilling and we all loved it—until that day.”

He rubbed my back as I readjusted to sit beside him and forced myself to look out over the lake. It was beautiful and terrifying at the same time.

“You said it was a boating accident. What happened?”

I sighed. “I've never spoken of it to anyone before.”

“You don't have to now.”

“No, I think I need to. Though there really isn't much to tell. One second, we were laughing and enjoying our day just like any other weekend. It was a big sailboat and sometimes we'd spend the whole weekend out there sleeping in the cabin below deck. Mom and Dad had just gone down there to make lunch, but Kylie and I stayed up. Even then I had fussed over her like a mother hen. I remember telling her to take off her lifejacket so I could reapply her sunscreen. Our backs were turned in the opposite direction and neither of us had even seen the boat that crashed into us that sent the two of us flying overboard.”

He gasped. “She wasn't wearing a lifejacket?”

“Not properly. It was still tied around her waist. She'd just removed her arms and pushed it down so I could apply the lotion. If I hadn't made her do that, she probably wouldn't be deaf right now. I was still in mine and after being thrown I just bobbed in the water watching our boat sink and waiting for my family to reappear. But they never did, at least not my parents. They weren't found for another three days. They'd died together and their bodies were caught up in the current taking them downstream. Every now and then I'd see Kylie's lifejacket bob in the water. Somehow, I managed to get to her just before the Coast Guard arrived. She wasn't breathing when they pulled her from the water. And when they resuscitated her, she was unresponsive for days. After extensive tests it was determined she'd lost her hearing but would survive. I still don't understand exactly why or how that happened, but my entire life changed that day and I've never been able to get near open water without freaking out since. I'm really sorry you had to witness that. I'm usually better at just shutting down without causing a scene.”

“That wasn't a scene, Lauren. That was grief. Have you ever allowed yourself to just grieve? You were so young, and you took on so much with Kylie.”

“I had to. Who else would? There was talk of putting her down, and I knew I could never allow that to happen. Plus, if I hadn't had her to focus on, I probably would have drowned in my own grief a long time ago.”

He nodded. “I know better than most what it's like to hold all that in. I'm glad you felt safe enough with me to let it out a bit.”

I stared up at him, realizing he was right, then nodded as my eyes welled up with tears once more.

I did feel safe enough to be this vulnerable with him.

Safe.

That's what Denny made me feel in this moment.

Had I ever truly felt safe a single moment in my life since that day?

I didn't think so.

---