Page 20 of Coming Home

WALKER: Your Ben?

ME: Yes, my Ben. Why is that the first thing everyone keeps asking?

WALKER: Because we thought he was halfway around the world.

ME: Apparently not.

WALKER: Makes sense after his Dad and all.

ME: Guess so.

WALKER: You okay?

ME: No. Yes. I don’t know.

WALKER: Working, can I call tonight?

ME: Yeah, thanks. Ttyl

After finishing the conversation with him, I sat there at my desk for a few more minutes. When I figured the coast was clear, I packed up a few things, and snuck out the back door. I needed time to process the fact that Ben was home.

Of course a part of me was thrilled. He changed, but he looked great, and that pissed me off. I quickly checked my appearance the second I got in the car. Decent, I confirmed. At least I had that going for me.

The drive home I was little hazy, lost in memories threatening me. Mom was waiting when I arrived.

“Did you see Ben yet?” she asked. She looked excited and I didn’t want to disappoint her with my personal freak out.

“Yeah, he came by my classroom to pick up the boys a little while ago.”

“Marnie is so excited to have him home, and relieved. He can focus on the boys and she won’t feel so guilty now leaving them during Don’s recovery. She had confided in me a few days ago the possibility and called this morning to tell me he was on the way. She hadn’t wanted to tell anyone, especially the twins, until she knew it was certain. I don’t think he’s been home since he left to join the army,” Mom rambled on.

“No, he hasn’t,” I said.

“I know how close the two of you used to be. So I gave him a few days to settle in, but Wednesday night he’s coming over for dinner. It’ll give you two a chance to catch up.” She smiled happily and patted my arm before heading into the kitchen.

I tried to fight down the panic and ran to my room.

Was I happy he was back? I asked myself. No. Yes. Maybe. I still couldn’t answer that honestly even to myself.

I didn’t know how to be around him with all these crazy feelings bubbling out of me. Plus, I felt such guilt over everything, that I wasn’t sure I could even look him in the eye. Nine years. Where the hell had he been that was so important for the last nine years? I let loose the anger that surfaced every time I let myself think about that.

He’d missed so much. He hadn’t stayed in contact and worse, he hadn’t even asked how I was. Nothing. He returned out of the blue and just stood there without saying a word to me. It didn’t matter how possessive my stupid wolf felt towards him, she’d always had a soft spot for Ben. I couldn’t let that cloud my judgement.

I didn’t know how long he was going to stick around this time, but Mom said he’d been called home and that meant he was heading back. He was going to leave me again and I wouldn’t see him or even hear from him for another nine years.

Nope, I wasn’t going to fall for that. My best course of action was to smile prettily and pretend I was perfectly fine, and steer as far the hell away from Ben Shay as physically possible.

Why the school made us have classes on Monday if they were giving off Tuesday through Friday this year made zero sense. Tuesday was officially marked as a teacher work day. I hadn’t planned on going in, but if I was to stay low while he was in town, I might as well do something productive where no one would expect to find me.

I allowed myself to wallow for the remainder of the evening, then fell asleep to fresh tears. I hadn’t let myself cry for so long that it was almost therapeutic. When Walker called I didn’t even bother to answer it.

The next morning, I got up and headed into work early, grabbing a bagel from the kitchen on my way out instead of stopping at Kate’s for breakfast.

I knew Walker would worry that I hadn’t talked to him. He worried about a lot of things and seemed to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. So, I shot off a quick text when I got to my classroom.

ME: Sorry I missed your call. Pity party and early bed.

ME: I’m fine!

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