Page 41 of Coming Home

I shook my head. “Absolutely not, but I think we have to.”

“What happened to you, Shelbs?” he asked quietly, as if he knew it was something terrible. It had been, but not in the way he was probably thinking.

As we drove through Collier, I redirected him towards the cemetery. I told him to park and without another word I got out of the car and started to walk. My hands were shaking so badly, and I was fighting not to cry. This was the day I’d always prayed wouldn’t come, because it was easier to be angry at Ben for not being here than it was to just face the truth.

I stopped in front of the tiny grave. It was simply marked “Annabelle Grace” with one date. Only one other person in this world knew why it was there.

Ben shook his head the moment he saw the saw, recognizing it as the one I’d always told him I’d name my firstborn daughter.

“I’ve never told anyone about this,” I said softly. “Only Doc knows.”

Ben hugged me tightly as I started to cry.

“The letters you sent to me at boot camp said you had something important to tell me. I always assumed it was about Grayson, but I know now that wasn’t it,” he whispered, trying to process everything.

I nodded against his chest and sniffled. “I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t think I should over a letter. I was planning to tell you at your graduation, but . . .”

“But I told you not to come.”

“Yeah. I was a bit of an emotional wreck over that and more than a little pissed at you. I hid the entire pregnancy. I didn’t know what to do. Peyton doesn’t even know the truth, no one does. I was twenty-seven weeks along, but people just thought I had gained a little weight, upset about you leaving. I was driving and started having really bad cramps in my stomach. I didn’t realize they were contractions, but I lost control of the car and hit a tree. When I came to, there was blood everywhere. So much blood,” I said, trying to keep my composure to just get through it all. “Doc happened to be driving by and found me. He rushed me to the clinic. I had to tell him about the baby. He tried to save her, but she was so tiny. She never even made a noise. Stillborn, he had called it.”

“Oh God, no,” Ben said.

I brushed away more tears. “It gets worse,” I confessed.

Ben shook his head like he didn’t want me to continue, but I knew I had to. He had to know everything.

“We’ve always talked about having a houseful of kids, Ben, but that’s not going to happen. I didn’t just lose our daughter, but any chance of ever having kids again.”

“What?” he asked, sounding like he was stuck in a haze. I understood that feeling far too well.

“There was so much blood. The accident caused a placental abruption and the damage was severe. Doc had to do an emergency hysterectomy just to save my life. I literally don’t have the parts needed to bear you a child. I can’t have any more children, Ben.”

Ben

Chapter 14

My heart was breaking as I stood there staring at the tiny grave and listening to the story Shelby told. No wonder she had been so mad at me. No wonder she felt like she needed to protect herself from me. I had abandoned my mate when she had needed me the most. I couldn’t even imagine her going through all of that alone.

The military had hardened me, and I couldn’t remember the last time I had shed a tear, but I stood there holding her and started to cry. It was like the floodgates had opened up and I couldn’t stop the trail of tears from falling. My heart ached for the child I never knew. It hurt for Shelby having to face it by herself. Why hadn’t she leaned on her family? I knew she was tough, but this was beyond that. And I cried for the family we would never have.

As our combined sobs began to ebb, I sat down on the ground and pulled Shelby down with me. Without asking, I picked up a rock and channeled my wolf strength to carve into the headstone “Shay” beneath her name. She wasn’t some unknown child, she was my daughter and I would claim her as such.

My action made Shelby sob a little longer, but she was smiling through her tears.

I wasn’t sure how long Shelby and I sat there just holding each other, but when night began to fall, I knew I should get her home. We were both emotionally tapped, and it would take me a while to fully process everything she’d told me.

The drive back to the Alpha house was a quiet one.

“Are you okay?” she asked as I parked the car.

“No, but I will be. I know that wasn’t easy on you either. Are you okay?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I am. It was nice to share her with someone.”

I walked her into the house. It was still quiet, a sign no one was home yet. She walked upstairs to her bedroom and I followed. I didn’t know what to say or do.

“Since I’m cleaning my slate with you today, there’s something else you should probably know.”

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