Page 4 of Breathe Again

He knew it too. I’d never seen anyone look as relieved and truly happy as he did when our eyes connected, and the rest of the world faded away. The first chance he had to get me alone, he’d confessed his love and kissed me. That kiss was seared into my memory for all eternity as he branded my heart with our bond, but I had a Pack to save.

With every ounce of strength I had, I pushed him away. I laughed in his face and told him we couldn’t possibly be true mates. I told him I was mating Santos, and I was determined that was exactly what I had to do. It didn’t matter what I felt. It didn’t matter what I wanted. I had a bigger and nobler cause to worry about. I drove him away, and it felt like I’d put a stake through my heart that I would never fully recover from.

I spent the following three days locked away in tears, unwilling to talk to anyone. Then, I pulled myself together and left for Venezuela. My wolf had struggled, not wanting Santos to touch us. We belonged to Cole and she wouldn’t let me forget it, but despite the internal turmoil I faced, I pushed her aside and became the martyr willing to do anything for her Pack.

I truly did care for Santos, so it wasn’t that hard to pretend. It was awkward being around his family and packmates. I didn’t know anyone and they all spoke a different language that I didn’t understand. The three years I’d fumbled through French in high school certainly didn’t help any. It was a lonely summer, as Santos was busy working for his father and I was often left alone, sometimes for days at a time. That was okay, though, because I was mourning the loss of a true mate, and not having Santos around most of the time made things a little easier.

When we returned to Stanford that fall, the first thing I did was add Spanish to my curriculum. If I was going to live in a foreign country for the rest of my life, I needed to be equipped better to communicate with the wolves of Santos’s pack. I would be their Pack Mother someday, after all. I found the language colorful and beautiful, and I picked it up quickly, ensuring I was fully fluent before we returned the following summer.

That’s when life really changed. They still looked at me as the stupid American, not knowing I could understand every word. I learned quickly to keep my mouth shut and just listen. What I learned that summer had devastated me. The Venezuelan Pack was doing great financially because their Alpha was one of the biggest drug lords in the country. The cartel was small, but since they used their wolves to intimidate their competitors they had the advantage. When their competition didn’t obey, the Alpha used their wolves to kill which went against the most sacred vows of a shifter. We didn’t’ kill humans, or even shifters in human form. But they did without care or regard to life.

I was stuck in a foreign country with nowhere safe to run, under a drug lord dictator and promised to his son, his only heir. How had I managed to screw up my life so thoroughly? I was not yet twenty years old. That was the hardest summer of my life, and what little bit of heart I’d maintained from the shattering of Cole was hardened. I was dead inside, walking through the motions and biding my time till we returned home. Santos was never the wiser.

The second we got back to the States I broke things off with him, quit Stanford, and was determined to transfer to Princeton all the way on the other side of the country. I had to take a gap semester while I sorted out the logistics of that, but I was grateful they accepted me at all.

I went on to graduate pre-law, and then stayed when I got into their law school. I graduated top of my class, passed the bar on the first try, and after five years away I finally returned to Collier for the first time.

I quickly learned how important a bond between true mates really was after I’d returned home. Cole wasn’t even from Collier, but everywhere I turned there were memories of him from that one summer we’d shared. There was nowhere to hide from the reminders of what I’d lost. Even my body was marked by him, as we had gotten matching tattoos the day I’d lost my virginity. It haunted me until I couldn’t take it anymore, and I left to create a life as a lone wolf in a big city.

Shortly after I’d settled, I got word that my youngest sister had disappeared. I rushed home to be with my family. Madelyn had snuck out to attend a concert and she hadn’t come home. I stayed to assist in the search for as long as I could, but I had a life outside of Collier I needed to return to.

For the next several years I’d stayed away, but the demons had followed. Eventually I came home with my tail between my legs. There was a need in the Pack for legal counsel, or so my father insisted. I had worked hard since my return, helping to strengthen the Pack and set up funds that would ensure Collier Pack would never face the poverty levels we’d hit during the big freeze. It was important work and fulfilled a part of me, but still there was always something missing inside me; the half that died the day I walked away from my one true mate.

Cole

Chapter 3

Just arriving in Collier territory set me at odds with my wolf. I knew Elizabeth would be there and that there was no practical way I could avoid her du ring the entire trip, but I damn well was up to the task of trying.

I could smell her as soon as I got out of the van. It had been a long day of travel. Maddie’s daughter, Sara, was teething and cranky, which made for a very long and grueling flight. Her son, Oscar, had doted over his sister and did his best to entertain her, but for a lifelong bachelor, it had been a brutal challenge to endure.

A group of ladies strolled over to say hello to Madelyn. I knew they were really checking me out. I was used to the attention, but I didn’t do wolves. I tried to avoid shifters as a general rule of thumb. My wolf would tolerate the occasional random human hookup, but more than twice, or a shifter and he got territorial. I had been at war with him for nearly fifteen years. You’d think I’d have gotten used to it by now. It would be easier to just avoid females entirely for this trip.

When one of the ladies broke away and headed my way, I smiled and nodded in acknowledgement, then turned to get the luggage from the back of the van, dismissing her before she even got a start. With the smell of Elizabeth in the air, there really was no point in even encouraging her.

I huffed and headed into the Alpha house. Cora Collier was waiting at the door.

“Cole Anderson, is that really you?” she asked.

I smiled affectionately. No matter what kind of funk this trip had put me in, I had always liked the Colliers and couldn’t bring myself to be rude to the woman. “Yes, ma’am. It’s good to see you, Cora.”

“And you—I almost didn’t recognize you beneath all that ink.”

I genuinely grinned at her. “Picked up a new hobby since I was last here.”

“I can see that.” I was certain Cora did not approve of tattoos. I briefly wondered what she’d think if she knew her precious oldest daughter, who could do no wrong had a matching one right next to the little mole in her “forbidden region,” as Elizabeth had once called it. “Put Maddie and Liam’s stuff up in her old room. You remember the one?” she asked, breaking me from my thoughts.

I shook my head to clear it. “Yes, ma’am. I remember.”

“Good, Oscar will be in Thomas’s at the top of the stairs, and you’ll be in Lizzy’s old room for now,” she said, causing me to miss a step and nearly fall up the stairs.

“Thank you, but I have a room in town already.”

“Nonsense. I won’t hear of it. Maybe when the Westins all arrive, but for now there’s simply no reason. I’ll call over and cancel your reservation.”

“Cora, that’s really not necessary. Trust me, I could use the break. Sara’s teething.” I smiled, but her face told me she wasn’t budging.

Cora Collier was a classic mom. She was protective and loving of all her children, sometimes a little too much in both areas. The summer I’d come to stay with them she’d taken me in, devastated over the knowledge that I’d just lost my parents and had no family of my own. She’d kept in touch over the years, always sending birthday and Christmas cards, and sometimes cards for no reason. She’d call a few times a year to check in on me, and no matter how much I wanted to push her away in the hopes of erasing all memories of her daughter, I couldn’t.

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