Page 27 of Breathe Again

“It was Santos, wasn’t it? Santos Mendoza. You only introduced him once, but I knew you guys were serious. You even left to spend time with his Pack. He was a future Alpha, right?” Clara asked without judgement.

I nodded sadly. “Yeah, him. Biggest mistake of my life. Heck, I feared it would even cost me my life at one point.”

“What happened?” Ruby asked.

“Short story? His father was a drug lord. The entire cartel was made up of their pack. If you got in his way, he used their wolves to kill people. When I discovered the truth about them, I knew I had to get away. I was too embarrassed and scared for all of you to just come home, so I didn’t say a word and transferred schools immediately. They came after me a few times. I even changed my name for a while and tried to drop all communication back home. When Maddie was taken, my biggest fear had been that it was them and that it was my fault.”

“Oh, Lizzy, that’s not true at all. You have to know that. What happened to me was terrible, but it was in no way your fault.”

“I know that now,” I admitted. “But I carried that fear all those years you were missing. And the worst part about it all was that I destroyed something beautiful. Cole and I could have had a wonderful life together, and now I’m not sure he can ever forgive me.” I leaned my head on Maddie’s shoulder. “I may have ruined my chance at a happily-ever-after, but I’m so happy you found yours.”

Maddie sobbed. “Stop, you’re going to make my mascara run.”

“Sorry,” I said. “Anyway, that’s the short version. Anything else you want to ask?”

“If so, too bad. Time’s up, now get out. You can talk to her later. It’s my turn,” Cole said, standing just inside my front door.

Cole

Chapter 13

When I returned from talking to Zach, I let myself into Elizabeth’s apartment. I was furious to find her bombarded by all her sisters when Lily had promised to look after her, but then I saw her, sitting there holding baby Sara, and suddenly I had visions of her holding our child. I had never really considered pups of my own, but seeing her in a maternal way made me crave a family of my own.

They were sitting there talking so intently that no one even noticed I’d entered the room, and I quickly realized it was because they were talking about me. I stood there listening to every sordid detail, grinding my teeth and my fists clenched until I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt badly that I had barked at the girls and demanded they leave. I didn’t have any right to do that, but Elizabeth just stared at me with big, wide eyes and didn’t correct me or ask them to stay.

We stood there staring at each other until the last one exited and closed the door behind her.

“How long have you been standing there?” she finally asked.

“Long enough,” I said. I moved to sit on the coffee table directly across from her spot on the couch. I needed to look at her as we talked. It was a conversation long overdue. “I’ve heard the short version, now tell me what really happened.”

She sighed and nodded but wasn’t quite able to meet my eyes. “The first time I met you, I was sixteen years old. I’d been dating a boy from the Pack, and life was carefree and good. Then I saw you from across the room. I knew who you were because Dad had told us you were coming to spend the summer with us, but something sparked inside me and I was so drawn to you. It was unreal, and I was instantly head over heels in love with you. We weren’t introduced until two days later.”

“I remember,” I said. “You stood at the back of the room. You were wearing a soft yellow dress covered in pink and blue flowers. You were beautiful, but you hovered in the corner and no one introduced us. I knew immediately who you were and what you were to me, but I thought I was too young, that it couldn’t be possible. When we officially met two days later, I had found out all I could about you and I knew you were far too young for it to happen. I’d convinced myself I’d imagined it all. Then we met and we shook hands, and it wasn’t a tingle that ran up my spine, it was a fire, and there was no doubt in my mind from that day forward that you were meant to be mine. But you were an Alpha’s daughter, and I was his guest and couldn’t jeopardize the alliance between Collier and Westin, or my own budding Pack position by acting on it, so I waited, for you.”

I was surprised by his revelation, but not shocked by it. I had felt it, too. He wasn’t crazy. I skipped ahead past that summer and our first mating. “When you left at the end of summer, I was a heartbroken mess. I was determined to stay in touch, and for a while I followed through on that, but I was sixteen years old, Cole. Life and self-absorption at that age got in my way, and after awhile I was convinced we’d never see each other again. I graduated early and went off to Stanford. I felt guilty for that, and almost pulled out at the start of my freshman year. Collier was struggling. We were on the verge of ruin. One bad crop season, that’s all it took to deplete everything we had. Shifters were taking to wolf form and eating off the fields, Cole. It was that bad. I felt so helpless, but Dad insisted that I go to college. Then I met Santos and he seemed like my answer to everything.”

“His Pack was small and struggling with numbers, but they were rich, like really rich. Collier was barely hanging on, and I thought if I mated him and allied the Packs, they could help us financially, and all they really cared about was having an heir. They wanted Santos to have as many pups as possible and his father believed that I was the answer because I came from such a large family. I wasn’t considering seeing you again. I thought you had moved on. I had just been a kid and my wolf hadn’t even surfaced. Then there you were. I’d already told Dad about my plans to mate Santos and suddenly you were there and I freaked out. I didn’t know what to do. There was no doubt in my mind you were my one true mate. If there had ever been, it was put to rest when I laid eyes on you again.”

I took a deep breath, accepting the pain of our past. “I told you I loved you. You laughed in my face.”

She nodded. “I did. I thought I was being so brave and grown-up. I was putting my Pack before myself by pushing you away, and at that point I was convinced that that’s what it would take do it. You have no idea how badly that hurt me. I locked myself away and cried for three days straight mourning you, mourning us. I told you I couldn’t possibly love someone like you, that I needed an Alpha mate. But I had always loved you, only you. The needing an Alpha mate to secure Collier financially part I had convinced myself was true.”

“You destroyed me, Elizabeth,” I told her. “Everything in my life changed that day.”

“Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think I’ve regretted that every single day since? It’s tears me up inside. I’ve become this walking robot doing whatever everyone else wants or says, because if I allow even the smallest bit of emotion, it consumes me in self-loathing.”

I wanted to reach out to her, to hold her and tell her it was going to be okay now. I wanted to take away the hurt I saw so clearly in her eyes, but I couldn’t. Not yet.

“I need to hear the rest of the story, Elizabeth. I need to know what happened. All these years I just assumed you were happily mated, probably with a full litter of pups by now.”

She nodded and swallowed hard before speaking again. “The first time I went down there to visit his Pack, I couldn’t understand anything. They pampered me with everything I could possibly want and seemed really nice. They spoke a different language, and I couldn’t understand anything they said. By the time we returned to school, I had set my mind on the fact that that was my life. I’d made my decisions, right or wrong, and I was all in. I added an accelerated Spanish class to my schedule. Santos didn’t even pay enough attention to notice, but by the next summer when we headed back there, I was nearly fluent. Amazing the difference removing a language barrier can cause. What I learned, like I told the girls, was that his father was a drug lord. I watched in horror, understanding clearly all they were up to. I took notes and made a plan. As soon as we got back to the States for school that fall, I reached out to the Feds. I gave them the locations and necessary information to take down several strongholds the cartel had in this country. They helped me get into Princeton and transfer away from Santos. They got me a false identity when the threats became too much to deal with. Then I got word that his father had been killed. Santos wasn’t ready to step up as Alpha. Official word from my contacts at the FBI was that an animal had attacked their compound, killing everyone. I know what really happened was Santos wasn’t strong enough to handle a Pack of drugged up wolves and they turned on each other. No one will convince me otherwise, but I was able to breathe a little and return home after that. I’ve been here ever since.”

I let out a low growl and had to stand and pace the room, trying to stay in control. My mate had been in danger and I’d been too busy licking my wounds to chase her. I knew just knowing her story would be yet another form of constant torture in my daily life, consumed with the “what-if’s”.

I took a deep breath and tried to push it from my mind. We still had much to talk about. Fighting down my urge to punch something, I clasped my hands together and sat back down.

“You told me that day that you could never love me, that that summer had been nothing more than a little schoolgirl crush. Last night, you said you still loved me. Which is it, Elizabeth?” I asked her, waiting for her answer with baited breath.

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