Page 55 of Can't Be Love

Tulok took one look at me and nodded. I shifted on the spot, my clothes and coat ripping to shreds across the white-covered ground.

“Whoa!”

“Cool!” the boys exclaimed, despite the impending danger.

I took off at a full run following the river’s edge, paying attention to the tracks Karis had left behind. It wasn’t long before Tulok’s magnificent wolf caught up to me. I remembered being in such awe of him when I was a child, and I was surprised to see he no longer towered over my wolf.

We came to a rocky area and saw the signs of struggle. I knew that must be where they shot Lily. Just the thought made my wolf snarl, but seeing spots of her blood on the snow made me both growl and howl. I caught her scent easily and gave over to my wolf.

The snow was coming down harder and the sky was quickly darkening. It seemed odd at first, but then I remembered where we were. Alaska spent more time in the dark than in daylight this time of year.

Despite Tulok’s attempt at a protest, I pushed on until we came to a clearing and I could no longer see footsteps in the snow. Tulok shifted when I came to a halt, looking around and memorizing my surroundings.

“These conditions could lead to a whiteout. Visibility is already bad. We need to head back quickly. I know you want to find your mate, and tomorrow we will resume the search, but for now, we have to go back and seek shelter. Your wolf is not used to this weather, and the temperature will only continue to drop through the night,” he said, trying to persuade me.

I knew he was right, but it sliced a deep cut in my heart knowing Lily was out there somewhere, alone and unprotected, possibly drugged. A roar escaped as a menacing growl from within me. Tulok took a step back as I tried desperately to compose myself. The sound of my pulse beating in my ears was like standing near a train at full speed.

As I slowly calmed my heart rate, I turned my face up to the sky as snowflakes continued to fall, and I let a mournful howl.

I’ll find you, Lily. Wherever you are, I swear I’ll stop at nothing to find you,I swore to myself.

With a slight nod toward the Alpha, I slowly turned around, stopping at the first tree to pee on it, marking the place we last saw their footprints. The snow might wash away the signs of their trek, but it would not wash away my scent. I made sure to stop every few yards and mark the path all the way back to Tulok’s. He should have stopped me. I knew it was disrespectful to mark his territory with my scent, but he only nodded his consent at each new stop, until we hit the village line. Seeing where we were, I refrained, and we ran the rest of the way back to his home.

The snow was coming down harder and while it wasn’t a complete whiteout, it was close. Amka met us both at the door. We shifted and she quickly covered us each in thick wool blankets, ushering us inside where a warm fire greeted us.

Karis delivered bowls of thick stew with shaky hands. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she continued to limp, though her ankle was wrapped tightly.

“I’m so sorry, Thomas,” she wailed.

“Karis, this wasn’t your fault,” I assured her. “Are you okay?”

She nodded. “The village doctor stopped by, and he believes it is only a severe sprain. I’ll be fine in a few weeks, or I can spend some time in my fur and it’ll be good as new in a day or two..”

I smiled at her, grateful she was okay, even though everything inside me screamed I should be out there still looking for Lily.

When we finished our meal, the ladies took our bowls to wash up in the kitchen. Tulok hadn’t spoken since his speech in the woods.

“You will make a fine Alpha someday, Thomas. Putting your own fears and worries aside to ensure your people are well is important. You demonstrated great restraint today and true concern and caring with my granddaughter.”

I looked at him like he had gone mad. “Tulok, that was not me showing great restraint today. I was furious, wild, giving over to my wolf in hopes of finding my mate. I lost it out there on more than one occasion. I growled at you,” I said, feeling only slightly ashamed for it as my mind was still analyzing every step we’d taken, ready to restart the search at first light.

He chuckled. “I suppose I should have said that you showed great restraint for a mating male who has not yet sealed his bond. There is a difference. Don’t be so hard on yourself. We will find her. Your tracking instincts are impressive, and your tenacity will ensure nothing gets in your way of finding your mate. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, Thomas.”

“I don’t feel strong. I feel . . .”

“Empty, like half of you is missing?” Amka asked, entering the room and coming to stand behind her mate.

“Yeah, it does,” I admitted.

“That is Lily. A part of you is missing, and you feel it physically as well as emotionally,” she told me.

“But we haven’t even bonded yet,” I protested. “How can I feel her so strongly?”

“You may not have sealed your bond yet, Thomas, but it is already there and growing. The bond between you is strong. I felt it the moment the two of you walked in the door.”

I knew it was still very early, but I needed some time alone, so I excused myself and called it an early night. Laying there in that cold bed without Lily was horrible. My chest physically hurt and at least once I feared I might be having a heart attack. Not knowing where she was or what condition she was in made me think of all the worst-case scenarios.

I was confident Tulok and some of his men would help me in my search, but with or without them, and regardless of what the storm was doing, I planned to head back out at first light to find my mate and bring her home. I knew I would struggle to let her out of my sight again for quite some time, and then it dawned on me for the first time that this is what my mother must have felt like when Maddie didn’t come home.

---