Page 19 of Can't Be Love

Chapter 9

I had been wallowing for days. The scary part was that with distance, I wondered what was really so bad about Thomas.No, no, no, I couldn’t think like that. I knew all the reasons I had left. They had been a mantra in my head, but it didn’t stop the physical pain or the emptiness in my heart. Why didn’t anyone warn me about this part of the bond?

Since my return to San Marco I’d mostly locked myself up in the room. I couldn’t help thinking, with disgust, how I had criticized Elise for doing the same thing. I’d called her a chicken for not facing her mate. I kept waiting for her to burst through the door to laugh in my face, but I hadn’t told her or anyone, aside from Cole, that I had found my true mate.

Today was the day I returned to the real world, no matter how hard it was or how much it hurt. I didn’t understand how I could physically ache for someone I hated. It didn’t make sense to me how that douchebag had weaseled into my heart.No, no, no.This couldn’t be love. Hearts aren’t involved here, it’s the physical connection caused by the bond and nothing more. In time it would lessen.

I dragged myself from bed, cringing at my own funk. It was bad enough that I didn’t remember the last time I’d showered. I made quick work to rectify the situation, taking extra care in applying my makeup and picking out my outfit.

I was heading over to Cole’s tattoo shop for my first ink. It was exciting. In the days since leaving Collier, I had spent a lot of time with Cole. He’d opened up and told me about his past. He had also told me about the therapy in tattoos as he’d shown me each one and explained me the story behind it. All but one, at least. I was determined to get to the bottom of that one, but he could be a tough nut to crack when he dug his feet in. I already suspected it had something to do with his mate.

I grinned and shook my head. Cole Anderson had a true mate who had rejected him. Nothing could have been more shocking. I cringed at the realization that there must be plenty of eligible females that would think the same thing of Thomas Collier.

I sighed. The purpose of today was rejuvenation. A cleansing of sorts. Cole had made it painfully clear that I couldn’t just push Thomas out of my mind and ignore the situation. I knew from the misery I was experiencing that he was telling the truth. Eventually I’d have to deal with it, but today I would grieve the loss of a true mate. The tattoo I was getting represented that grief. With it permanently in place as a reminder, I would face Thomas and officially break the bond so he would be free to mate Sydney. I needed to be the one to break it, because I wasn’t one hundred percent certain he would, and because I worried it might destroy me entirely if he did.

I swung into the kitchen and grabbed a piece of toast that just popped up before Mom could get to it. She started to scold me, but took notice of my appearance and the fact I no longer stank, and smiled.

“Much better,” Mom said. “Now where is my beautiful girl off to today?”

“Cole’s. I’m getting a tattoo,” I confessed, even though I knew it caused her to snarl just a little.

Mom threw her hands up in the air and shook her head. “I don’t even want to know.”

I hugged her and headed out to my car. The drive to town was far too short, and nervous butterflies took flight in my stomach. I didn’t like needles or pain, but Cole had told me he’d gotten most of his tattoos after his mate’s rejection because he had been equal parts numb and miserable. The pain of the needles had shown him life again, made him feel something other than the pain and loss of the bond. He’d admitted he’d gotten a little addicted to it for a while.

I understood the pain and numbness he had described. Mine was also combined with anger. I was angry that of all the wolves in the world, heck of all the shifters in the world, even of all the men in the world, my true mate had to be him. Him! The one person I had vowed to hate forever.

The bell over the door of the shop jingled when I entered.

“Cole? You here?” I yelled.

Giggling came from down the hall and my senses went on high alert. The whole place smelled like sex. I shook my head in disgust. A perky blonde with just-got-laid hair appeared in the doorway. She turned and wiggled her fingers. “Call me later,” she said before noticing me for the first time with a look of pure hatred, and then left.

“Human? Really?” I said as the door closed behind her.

“Much less complicated,” Cole said in a deep voice from behind me.

I shook my head. “You’re a manwhore.”

He shrugged and gave me a lazy smile that should have had me wet between my legs. I frowned and sighed. Nothing.

“How long do you think I’m going to remain entirely unaffected by you?” I asked him.

He gave me a sad smile. “Probably for a really long time, Lil, especially if you don’t go back and deal with it.”

“But I don’t want to deal with it. I just want it to go away,” I whined, even knowing I sounded like a bratty child.

“I know, gorgeous, but it just doesn’t work that way. Now come on, are we still doing this or what?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

“Great.” He gave me a sultry look. “Shirt off, bra off.”

I laughed. “So you have any idea how long I’ve waited to heartheCole Anderson tell me that?” I turned away from him before I caught myself. Ugh, the bond worked in crazy ways. I wasn’t shy about my body. I didn’t ever turn around and cover myself, yet I had, and I knew it was because Thomas wouldn’t like another man seeing me naked, not with the bond so new and fresh.

“Argh, why do I even care?” I said, more to myself than Cole.

“You can’t help it. Best advice you ever gave anyone was don’t fight it. So why are you?” he asked as he directed me to a chair to lie down. I did, with my back to him, laying on my side. He reached down and pulled my right arm up and over my head. I braced for the spark that had always shot through me from his touch, even knowing it wasn’t coming.

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