Page 17 of Can't Be Love

In a battle for dominance, I won. I always won, but my wolf felt stronger and more stubborn this time. He was very unhappy about our mate leaving. It was clear to me that Lily wasn’t ready for us, and the best thing I could do was give her some space, no matter how much my instincts screamed to turn around, drop everything, and go after her.

I tried to think of anything but Lily. My thoughts turned to my sister. She was home, and she legitimately had this whole family thing going on. Seeing Oscar and how big he was freaked me the hell out. It was like I had heard of him and a part of my brain knew he existed, but I was having trouble reconciling the eight-year-old as my nephew. Still, he seemed like a good kid and I had no doubt Maddie was a great mom.

Mom? She was ten months older than me. That was it. We were essentially the same age. They used to call us Irish twins, but seeing her now, she seemed years ahead of me. I hadn’t even begun to figure out my life and here she was living hers. The fact that she had done it without all of us hurt, but I knew I’d have to get over it. Mom and Dad were so excited to have her back. It was all they had talked about for months, and that had only made my resentment worse. I didn’t want to feel that way, but I couldn’t help it.

I saw sparks of my sister still there, and I was trying to put on a good face for Mom, but I still wasn’t ready to completely forgive her.

My mind drifted back to Lily. I had been shocked at the realization she was my mate, but holding her and caring for her had felt so right, more right than anything ever had. Now she was gone. I still had to deal with my anger and disappointment with my sister, but now I had this anger, hurt, and disappointment concerning Lily. How could she just leave? My emotions were all over the place, and I was not a man used to dealing with this kind of shit.

Slowing my pace, I came to the river that ran the length of Collier territory. It was one of my favorite places on Earth. I shifted and walked over to sit on a large boulder looking out across the water. Whenever I had a problem to sort out or just needed to think and gain a new perspective, I’d end up here.

As future Alpha of Collier, I had a lot riding on my shoulders. The expectations alone would kill a lesser man. I had done my rebellion and come to terms with my position in the Pack. We were largely a farming community, and I took pride in that. My father had moved us from crop farming into cattle ranching. It suited me and I loved riding horses out into the valley to wrangle our cattle. Occasionally I would go in my fur. It spooked the cows at first, but the animals had grown accustomed to it over the years. The wolves did a great job of herding them, and I loved to run in the open fields. It was a simpler life than other packs led. Hard-working folks made Collier Pack strong. I didn’t think Lily could possibly be a practical match for me because of that. She wasn’t exactly simple, leaving me torn on what to do next.

I laughed. “Why?” I asked aloud. Lily Westin was no rancher’s mate. She came from Westin Pack, where they had more money than God himself. While I loved the idea of taking this beautiful girl I’d terrorized much of my young life as my mate—I mean, who wouldn’t?—I was also realistic enough to know that she was not cut out for a Collier life. Maybe her leaving was doing us both a favor, but it didn’t stop the pain of rejection pulsating through my body.

My wolf growled in my head, angry at my thinking. He wanted our mate, period, end of story. Westins were well known for seeking out their true mates. They felt it made them stronger. My parents were true mates. I couldn’t really argue the theory, but Colliers tended to keep to themselves, so compatible mates were more of the norm. It was rare for a Collier wolf to find his one true mate.

With that in mind, Sydney had seemed like a good, strong match for me, but now that I had caught Lily’s scent, I knew I could never settle for less. I loved Sydney, but it wasn’t enough. The pull of the bond between true mates was just too strong. I was glad Syd had taken the news well, but it didn’t make it any less difficult. I hated seeing her hurt and crying, even if she was happy for me. How happy would she be when she heard Lily had rejected me by leaving? If Lily truly rejected me, would Syd take me back?

My wolf snarled and growled at the thought. No, it was too late. It would be Lily or no one for me. My natural instincts told me to go after her and enjoy every second of the chase, yet the ache in my chest made me stubbornly want to stay put and pray to God that she felt it too and came back to me.

I wasn’t sure how long I had been sitting out there, sorting through my feelings and shit that day, but I eventually went gone home and threw myself into work. I left immediately on a cattle drive and for three days I worked myself to the bone. Clay and Austin had made the run with me and quickly learned that it was in their best interest to just stay out of my way.

The second I came home, I checked in at the Alpha house. I knew immediately Lily wasn’t there. I don’t know why I had even let myself hope she might be, but the realization that she hadn’t come back, that she wasn’t hurting as much as I was, both angered and terrified me.

The truth of the matter was that Lily was now in Westin territory. I couldn’t even go to her without first getting permission from her brother, of all people.

Being out on the range and really having time to consider all my options made me realize one thing: our mating bond had already begun. That’s just how it worked for true mates. I wasn’t going to break that bond, only Lily could do that, but there was no way in hell I could just live in limbo like this for the rest of my life. It was a living hell. Something had to give.

I knew Maddie and Liam would be in town for another week. I also knew that everyone expected me to run away from them. Though they were wrong, I knew I could use it to my advantage. I had never run away from Madelyn’s vigils because I hated my sister and didn’t want to support her, no matter how others assessed it. I did it for self-preservation. All signs said she was dead, and I couldn’t live with the constant hope that maybe she wasn’t. Maybe that was wrong of me, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t the best option I could live with while she was away.

I had been hurt, angry and I didn’t want to believe Maddie was capable of being alive while the rest of us waited around not knowing anything. My mind flickered back to Lily. That’s the same feeling she was leaving me stuck in. I wasn’t going through that uncertainty again.

My mind made up, I headed down to my father’s office. I entered and closed the door behind me. Someday that office would be mine, but it wasn’t yet and made me feel like an intruder being there without Dad around.

I double checked to make sure his dampener was on. This was not a conversation I wanted anyone to overhear, especially not Maddie and Liam, who I knew were in the house.

Dad had the number on speed dial, as he did for all the Alphas of Collier’s closest five packs. I hit the one labeled Kyle Westin and waited with bated breath.

“Zach,” Kyle answered, sounding like he had a smile on his face. Collier and Westin packs had always been close. Would they still be when I confessed I was his sister’s one true mate?

“Hey, Kyle, it’s Thomas actually.”

“Thomas? Good to hear from you, man. I hope everything’s okay. Your father’s well?”

“Yes, this isn’t a pack call. It’s personal.”

I could hear him move around in his office and then settle before speaking again. “Alright, you have my undivided attention. It’s not Maddie or Liam, right? Oscar and Sara are okay?”

He sounded nervous and concerned. I liked that about Kyle. He was a strong Alpha, not someone even I’d be dumb enough to cross, but he had compassion too, and it was obvious how much he cared for his family and his pack.

“They’re all fine, I promise. This has to do with your sister.”

He let out a sharp breath. “What did Lily do?”

“What?”

“Look, you said Maddie was fine. I know it can’t be Elise, because she’s been here working her butt off staffing a new project Liam dropped on her before leaving. To the best of my knowledge, you’ve never met Jenna, and I just spoke with Chase this morning so if there was a problem he’d have told me. That leaves Lily. Look, whatever it is, I can fix it.”

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