Page 7 of Forever Mine

For the most part we hadn't had any major attacks or even contact with other packs in several months. Patrick was one of Kyle's Betas and he was in charge of security. All wolves had to train and adhere to a strict border patrol schedule. Patrick could be very laid back and fun, but not when it came to pack security. He was all business then, and we all felt a lot safer with him at the helm.

I knew I should inform him of my unscheduled trip, but I didn't have it in me to be interrogated over it. He wouldn't be happy about it, but he'd deal. It wasn't like we were confined to pack land or anything. I'd check in and let them know everything was okay. My thoughts and concerns revolved more around the Maddie look-alike than anything for myself.

Thinking of Madelyn Collier, I wondered again just what happened to her.

Maddie

Chapter 4

It had been awhile since I last had a full-on panic attack. Annie had to give me another sedative to get me out of the area and back on the road. They picked up drive-through at a fast food joint and we didn't stop again until we arrived at the hotel, well after nightfall.

I was too loopy from the drugs to be of much assistance. Oscar hugged me and tucked me in to bed, kissing me on the forehead and singing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.” My heart nearly broke in two. That was my job, and no matter how bad off I had been in the past, I always made it a point of tucking my little man in. I understood why Annie gave me the sedative, I just hated taking them and the way they made me feel. Helpless. Just like the night Oscar had been conceived.

I slept restlessly that night, despite the drugs. My dreams were haunted by old memories from my childhood. Golden-colored eyes followed me as I ran through the woods, as I jumped in the lake, wherever I went. There was excitement and comfort there, a familiarity I couldn't reconcile.

I woke up thinking of my childhood friend, Lily Westin. I hadn't thought of her for a long time. I tried hard not to think of anyone from my past, but no doubt being that close to her territory and smelling and seeing the wolf shifter at the restaurant had triggered it all. As the fog started to clear in my head, I realized that the male wolf whose golden eyes had captured me and froze me in place hadn't scared me. The fears that ensued after our eye contact was broken were all my own. If I were honest, for one brief moment before I began to freak out, his smell had comforted me.

It was still dark all around and the soft snoring of the others told me I was the only one awake. I checked on Oscar and went to the bathroom, then buried my face in my pillow and just cried. It was a good cry, something I didn't allow myself to ever do.

Annie was constantly harping on me not to bottle things up so much. She said I needed to get it out, talk to someone, confront what happened to me, but that wasn't it. I needed to grieve the life I had lost and left behind. Understanding that was very different from allowing it to happen. I still missed my family. I missed my sisters and even my obnoxious brother, Thomas, who was God's gift to the pack after six girls.

I missed running in the wide-open fields, and hikes up the mountain. I was sad that Oscar would never know or understand that part of his heritage. For once, and only for that short time in the cover of darkness, I allowed myself to remember, and to feel the goodness of pack, refusing to have it darkened by the horrific things that had led me to leave it all behind.

As I cried myself back to sleep, it was with a smile on my face, staring into golden-colored eyes.

“Mommy! Mommy, wake up!” Oscar said, jumping on top of me.

I peeked up at him and when he looked away I leapt forward and grabbed him, tickling him as we collapsed back onto the bed. He squealed in delight, but I shushed him and whispered that he needed to be quiet.

“Are you feeling better, Mommy?” he whispered

I wasn't, but I lied. “Much better, Oscar.,” I said, looking around the room and finding the bed next to ours empty.

“Come on, sleepyhead, let's go get breakfast then. Mimi and Papi already headed down,” he said.

“Well, come on then. What are we waiting for?”

I jumped up and looked around. I was still in day-old clothes, but didn't see my suitcase in sight and could tell Oscar was anxious to go. Sighing, I decided there were worse things than starting the day without a shower. At the door his small hand snaked into mine and squeezed. I glanced down at my son.

“Are you really okay, Mommy?”

I nodded. “Yes. Today is going to be a good day.”

“Was it the woodsy smelling people?”

“Oscar,” I started to scold him. “We don't speak of that, remember?”

He sighed sadly. “I know, Mommy, but I can't help what my nose tells me.”

I smiled and gave him a squeeze. I didn't see how it was possible that he could have a wolf spirit, not when mine was dead and whichever of them fathered him was clearly human. Sometimes though, I did wonder. Oscar had shown a few minor traits common to wolf shifter pups. His heightened sense of smell was the most obvious. Without coming right out and telling him that normal humans didn't act like that, I tried to dissuade him as best I could.

We met up with Annie and Jacob in the dining area.

“There's my girl,” Jacob said, rising and giving me a kiss on the cheek. “You are looking quite well this morning.”

“Thank you. I'm feeling better. Sorry about yesterday.” I knew I didn't need to apologize to them. They loved me and Oscar unconditionally and had dealt with worse from me than the attack the day before.

“Stop apologizing, Janie. I never much cared for the food there anyway.” He winked at me and I knew it signaled the end of that conversation. They'd never mention it again.

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