Page 36 of Forever Mine

“Listen to you, all knowing one. How did you become such the expert on mating? And love? It’s been three days, Lil. There is no way Liam’s in love with me. It’s best to just cut ties now before anything does start to grow.”

She stared at me, making me uncomfortable. “Bullshit,” she finally said. “Liam’s been in love with you since we were kids. You reappear in his life like some ghost of the past, and he finds out you’re his true mate. He’s already a goner. You’re going to destroy him. Do what you have to do, but I’m not in the business of sugarcoating things. Sure, he tried to hide his little crush on you when we were kids, but he wasn’t fooling me. Plus, you weren’t there after you disappeared. We went to Collier to help in the search. Liam was . . . I don’t know how to put it. He was devastated. He had a good friend in college that killed himself, and he took it really bad, but still not as bad as when you left.”

“His friend killed himself?” I asked, struggling to accept the rest of what she was saying.

“Yeah, he was ex-military, suffered from PTSD. He had a big anxiety attack and hanged himself. Liam blamed himself for a long time because he wasn’t there to help him.”

I felt terrible. Liam had mentioned the guy to me after one of my attacks, but he didn’t tell me he’d died. No wonder he was so patient with my anxiety. The guilt must have eaten him alive, because I knew that was just the kind of man Liam Westin was.

“I have PTSD, Lil. Don’t you see. He doesn’t need me in his life. Nothing good could come of it for him.”

“Wait, PTSD? From what?”

I shook my head. “I can’t talk about it.”

“You damn well better start talking. That’s not the kind of stuff you just keep bottled up. What happened to you? You used to be so full of life, MC. I see glimpses of it here and there, but mostly you seem hollow inside, fragile, not things I’d ever think of remembering you.”

I started to cry. “I know. I can’t help it. It’s why I can’t go home, and if I went back to Westin with Liam, then my family would find out and I’d have to face them. Don’t you see I can’t do that to them? It’s better they believe I’m dead.”

“But they don’t. They all still hold on to the hope that you’re coming home someday. Thomas is about the only one that seems to have given up on you. He goes out of town every year on the anniversary of your disappearance, refusing to have anything to do with it. But he’s a complete asshole, so that’s not saying much. You’re definitely better off without him in your life.”

“Thomas?”

“Oh yeah, he changed so much after you left that you’d be ashamed. I haven’t seen him in years, but I’ve kept up through your sisters. He’s nothing but trouble.”

“All because I left?”

“Oh no. You aren’t putting that on yourself. He was always a self-righteous jerk, he’s just grown up into an even bigger one. That’s not your fault.”

“I miss them, Lily. I don’t let myself think about them often, but I miss them all so much. Seeing you and Liam has been wonderful and awful at the same time. No offense.”

“None taken.”

“It’s just that I can’t be that person anymore. Madelyn Collier died eight years ago. I’m Jane Winthrop now. No one in my life knows me by Maddie, including Oscar, so please try to remember to call me Jane instead in front of him.”

“Changing your name definitely hasn’t helped anyone in the search for finding you. Whatever happened to you, MC, Jane, whatever you want to be called, I can tell it wasn’t your fault. You scream victim here. Have you ever talked about it with anyone? A therapist? A friend? The people you live with?”

I shook my head no. “I told Liam yesterday, not every gory detail, but more than I’d ever confessed to anyone. That was the first time I’d ever talked about it.”

“I’m a great listener you know, and I have absolutely no right to judge anyone. I know how that feels, so if you need a friend to just listen, I’m here. You’re never going to fully move past it without talking to someone.”

I nodded as the tears fell freely. “You sound like Annie. She’s been trying for years to get me to talk about it, but it hurts so much to even think about it.”

“Well, if you told Liam yesterday, it’s still open and raw, so start talking.”

I did. Once I started talking, everything poured out of me. I didn’t hold anything back and I told Lily every sordid detail of what I had been through. She cried and hugged me and we talked through it together. I had never felt closer to anyone in my life than Lily Westin and the weight lifted off of me from sharing my pain with her was huge.

For the first time in a long time, I felt like I could breathe again.

Liam

Chapter 13

If I were being honest, by the time Oscar and I walked back into the hotel lobby, I was exhausted. Who knew keeping up with a kid could wear a person out like that? I’d never seen so much energy in one little person before, and now he wanted to go swimming, because I promised.

Maddie had left me their room key in case I needed anything for Oscar, like his swimsuit, so we headed upstairs and I let him into his room, wanting to just drop on the bed and take a nap. I let him change, then I did the same, as I had brought my suit with me, carrying it in my backpack all day. We went sightseeing and spent quite some time just driving up and down the hills of San Francisco, before stopping and walking them—after I had let him use my phone for pictures and he couldn’t get the shot he wanted after five passes in the car.

I figured I must be getting soft from working in the office too much, because my calves were cramping and I was beat. Maybe that was the kid’s objective. Kill me off so I’d stay away from his mother. Wasn’t it just yesterday he was growling warnings at me?

---