Page 21 of Forever Mine

“Um, yeah, I actually am. Thanks.” I rubbed my thumb and index fingers together in circles. It was a coping habit of mine. He stared at my hands but didn't say anything or try to stop my fidgeting. “I, uh, I don't usually come through one so fast or so easily.” My shoulders sagged and self-hatred flared within me. I was weak, that was all. Too weak protect myself. Too weak to save my own wolf. Too weak . . .

“Hey, don't do that.”

“Do what?”

“You know what.” He stared at me so intensely I started to squirm. “My buddy—Andy, that was his name—he used to do that, too.”

“What are you talking about?” I started to walk away. No way could he know what I was thinking or how I was feeling. No one could. “I said I'm fine, Liam.”

“I know, but your eyes, they say otherwise. Andy”—he swallowed hard and he looked sad—“he used to do that, too. Beat himself up over the attacks, thinking he wasn't strong enough to fight his own demons, and that would snowball into every little incident that he had faced and maybe could have done something different to change the outcome, and truthfully, he couldn't. Sometimes bad shit just happens and you have to move on and learn to deal. Please, just don't tell me you're okay, when I can clearly see you're not, and it's okay.”

Emotionally I was still better than usual, but I was a little overwhelmed that he seemed to get it, like really understand what I was going through. I couldn't dwell on it for too long before Annie and Jacob came out to find me with Oscar in tow.

Annie rushed to my side, shielding Oscar the second she saw me. “What happened?” she whispered while Jacob distracted my son.

“Nothing, I'm fine. Really, I'm fine, Annie,” I added when she looked at me with more uncertainty. Was I? I took a moment to self-evaluate and was happy to see that yes, I really was fine. Liam, on the other hand, looked anything but fine.

As Annie signaled to Jacob in their unspoken way that I was okay, he excitedly announced that Oscar wanted to go see the sea lions again and spend the rest of the morning walking the wharves until time for the ride to Alcatraz. Liam sported an appropriate fake smile and joined us as we headed out for the day.

When we arrived back at the wharves, Oscar led us straight for the pier with the most sea lions, and the biggest crowd. I didn't do well in crowds, but I was too distracted by Liam to really take much notice. It was like I could feel something was off with him, but I didn't know what, and I was compelled to find out.

Making sure Jacob and Annie had eyes on Oscar and seeing them all busily watching and cheering on a pair of battling sea lions, I pulled Liam to the side. “Hey, what's happening?”

“Huh?”

“What is wrong? I don't know how to explain it, I can just feel it. Something's really bothering you. Was it my panic attack?”

“No,” he said, rubbing my shoulders, which seemed to relax him. “I'm fine. Just brought up memories of my own. Nothing to worry about it.”

I realized, not for the first time, but perhaps more clearly, just how little I knew about Liam Westin. Not the Liam I grew up with and crushed on each summer, but Liam, the man standing before me.

Oscar abandoned the sea lions and came rushing over to us with Mimi and Papi following closely behind. He stopped before us and checked both of us out. I watched as Liam transformed, masking the pain I had clearly seen and felt from him.

“Liam, you want to play some more video games while we wait?”

He smiled down at Oscar. “Sure, kid, come on.”

They left with Jacob following, so of course Annie descended on me as soon as they were out of earshot.

“Janie, what happened back there at the hotel? You were so pale, and had a slightly glazed look. I thought for sure you were on the verge of another attack.”

“Annie, I'm perfectly fine. Please don't worry. Nothing is going to stop me from enjoying this day with Oscar.”

“And Liam,” she added with a mischievous grin. “Oh, don't you try to even deny it. That man is good for you, Jane, and handsome, too. I have eyes. I see the sparks flying between the two of you.” She sighed, looking a little conflicted. “Just be careful,” she warned.

My cheeks felt hot and I'm pretty certain my mouth dropped open. “Annie! Don't you even start. Liam is an old friend, that's it.”And my mate,I thought, but would never say aloud. She couldn't possibly comprehend what that even meant. Then again, neither could I!

Liam

Chapter 9

Hanging with Oscar was a safe and quick way to blow the morning hours. He was excited and talked non-stop, leaving me time to think without him noticing.

Maddie's anxiety attack had been on the cusp of being a bad one. I was starting to feel her emotions and knew that our bond was already beginning to take root. Jacob had given me enough information that I knew it was inevitable I'd have to face an attack with her, but I wasn't prepared for it to happen so quickly. I was lucky I didn't go into a full-blown panic attack myself. The only thing that had grounded me was knowing my mate needed me.

Andy had needed me once too, but I had an important exam to take and was late for study group. I ignored all the signs, knowing he was about to have a major PSTD attack, and I left. He hanged himself that night. My friend had killed himself because I had more important things to do. That was the burden I carried. That was the awful truth I had to learn to live with.

I was drunk for two weeks straight after Andy's death. All my fraternity brothers carried guilt over his death, but none more than me. He had asked me to stay that night. I hadn't and that was a regret I would carry to my own grave. It took a trip to the emergency room to have my stomach pumped from alcohol poisoning to pull me out of the stupor, which was a huge contributing factor to me no longer drinking.

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