Page 53 of Illicit Illustration

So maybe itwasin my best interest to just let things fade away. Because taking a chance on either of them was setting myself up for heartbreak.

Seven: Your silence isn’t exactly reassuring. What’s going on, sweet girl? Anything I can help with?

My heart lurched at the term of endearment that Reid had used last night. Another reminder that both only saw me in a way that was what I’d wanted to break away from. I didn’t want to be the sweet, unassuming person I’d always been, and the last week I’d finally felt like maybe I could be different, but reality was bound to bring me back to earth, eventually. It always did.

Fourteen: I’m sorry I’m not much fun today.

Seven: Don’t you ever apologize for being yourself.

Fourteen: I’ve spent my entire life doing it. Why stop now?

He didn’t respond the entire time I tried to convince myself that the sense of dread I felt in the shower was all in my head.

And he didn’t respond as I spent the morning sketching the scene last night that had launched me into this spiral and sent it off to the author for approval before I started the color.

He also didn’t respond when I headed down to the bar for my shift, ignoring the giant ball of nerves that had lodged itself in my gut at the thought of facing Reid after what we’d done.

But just like Seven didn’t respond to my text message, Reid never showed up at the bar during my shift.

The next morning, asthe guilt continued to build, I headed over to the tattoo shop at midday so I could get this over with before my shift tonight. It would only fester the longer I let it eat at me. And it was time to cut off the limb. Even if the limb was long, and deliciously hard, and I was dying to see exactly what the piercing on this limb looked like.

But I would be strong. Ihadto be strong and resist him, because if I didn’t, my brother’s charming best friend would steal my heart. And I was terrified if I let him take it, that it’d be his forever—long after he decided I wasn’t as fun and bright and shiny as he made me feel.

“Haz?” I’d hoped to sneak in and get to Reid’s office unnoticed, but of course, that was a stupid idea when there was a reception area in the front of the building I’d have to walk through to get there. Because while I knew my brother had a key to the back door, I wasn’t explaining to him why I needed it.

“Hey, Gray. How’s it going?”

Gray had been one of the first body piercers Reid had hired after opening, and much like Reid, for a guy who did piercings, he didn’t have that many. Only a few plugs in his earlobes and a nose ring. Although he could hide them like Reid did, but I had zero desire to see him with his shirt or pants off. Gray had also been apprenticing with Reid to learn how to tattoo, but other than his professional relationship with Reid, I didn’t know much about him.

Although, I wondered if he was the one who’d pierced Reid’s dick. And how exactly did the process of getting one’s dick piercedgo? When had he done it? How much did it hurt? Did he have to abstain from dicking down entire sororities when he had it done?

But all those thoughts had my next question going to a dangerous place. Like, how did it feel moving inside you?

“You coming to see me today, gorgeous?” Gray’s flirtatious voice drew me out of my musings, but I knew he was like that with everyone. I was glad Reid had hidden me after our first photoshoot because I knew my face would resemble even more of a tomato if I had to face Gray knowing he’d caught me humping his boss’ face in that room down the hall.

“Does Reid have any openings in his schedule today?”

Gray’s eyes flickered down the length of me, slowly appraising the dark wash jeans and loose off the shoulder sweater I’d thrown on after spending too much time deciding what to wear this morning.

Whatdidyou wear to break up with your brother’s best friend who you weren’t really dating? Could what happened over the last week be considered a situationship? And had making him come short circuited something in my brain?

Gray returned his gaze to my face, smiling. “He’s wrapping up a piece now, and then he’s got an hour or so before his next appointment. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see your pretty face to break up the monotony. We’ve been slammed lately.”

I wasn’t so sure what Reid would be to see my face. Because I was probably making a much bigger deal out of this whole situation than I needed to. He wouldn’t care that I was calling things off because we’d just gotten caught up in the moment.

His words from earlier had been running through my head. This project was all he could think about lately. I was becoming a distraction for him, and he’d probably be relieved for me to let him off the hook.

Being intimate with someone like I’d been with him this week—even though it wasn’t anything particularly racy—wasn’t new to him like it was to me. He didn’t have the emotional connection to being vulnerable with another person that I did. Once thiswas over, he wouldn’t obsess about it like I would. This wouldn’t change the way he looked at me for the rest of his life. He probably wouldn’t even look back on this whole situation with any strong feelings one way or the other. And I knew I would.

He’d ruined me in a few short days, and he didn’t even realize it. Which was why it had to stop. Before my heart got more attached to a man I could never keep.

And when I walked around the corner, peeking into the room that I knew he worked in, I stopped in my tracks at the scene in front of me, and I knew what I had to do.

Reid

There was a certainelement to my job that I had once loved, but now dreaded.

As the woman stretched out across the chair next to me batted her long, fake eyelashes at me, I wasn’t the least bit tempted to see what she looked like moaning out my name while those lashes fluttered. Honestly, I’d be content if she just stopped talking altogether. She was pouring on the charm thickly, complimenting how gentle I was with my hands, telling me I had pretty eyes for such a big, powerful man.

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