Page 61 of Illicit Illustration

But I wasn't sure that it was up to me.

Reid

Staring at the phonein my hands, I knew I shouldn’t respond to her text, but resisting using this one last way I had to be close to her was a futile effort. I wasn’t strong enough to walk away like she wanted me to.

Seven: Talking to you is the best part of my day. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that sooner.

I was sorry I didn’t tell her a lot of things sooner. Because now I was stuck in this situation where no matter what I did, I was hurting her. But after watching that preppy dipshit flirting with her at the bar earlier, there was no way I was backing off.

Now that she wasn’t hiding behind her anxiety, she was bound to see the men who paid attention to her at the bar. And one of these days—if I continued to hide from my feelings for her—she’d fall for one of them and my heart would slowly turn to stone as I watched her blossom into the confident woman she’d shown me brief glimpses of this week.

Fourteen: I don’t need apologies, I guess I just need some reassurance that my feelings aren’t one sided. If you couldn’t tell, this is all new to me.

Seven: Feeling like this about someone is new to me, too. I’m used to people judging me based upon their preconceivednotions of who I am.

And until recently, those preconceived notions weren’t far from the mark, but I was tired of letting them define me. Living up to my reputation wasn’t something I wanted anymore.

Fourteen: I might know something about that. It’s hard to break away from how other people think you should act. That’s why I was so drawn to you, you’ve never made me feel like that.

My heart warmed briefly, fluttering in my chest when I realized she’d essentially done the same for me until she’d let her fears take over. Until she decided the risk of falling for me wasn’t worth it.

Seven: Can you promise me something?

It was selfish of me to even think, much less ask her to promise, but I was going to do it anyway.

Fourteen: Depends on what I’m promising.

And there was my snarky girl.

Seven: Promise me you’ll follow your heart, even if it’s not toward me. You deserve the world, and while I want to be the one to give it to you, I don’t want you to ever doubt that.

Fourteen: Why does it feel like you’re trying to let me down easy?

Because I was terrified once I walked into that party and she discovered everything I’d been keeping from her, that she’d cut me out of her life without a second thought.

Seven: Maybe I’m a little more insecure than I’ve let on.

She wasn’t the only one who doubted herself.

Fourteen: Well, don’t be. You deserve love, too.

My heart ached at the thought she might love Seven. Because she’d made it pretty clear that love wasn’t on the table with me. And that hurt more than I thought it would.

Seven: We’ll see.

Fourteen: Yes. We will.

The next morning, Iwoke later than expected, rushing through my morning and barely making it downstairs before my first client showed up. Thankfully, my reflexes were still sharp, because I couldn’t afford for a lack of sleep to make me shaky.

I’d only drank three beers before I’d left the bar, unable to watch Hazel talking to that guy before the jealousy started to fester. Then I’d had trouble falling asleep after the text messages, running the entire encounter through my head an unhealthy number of times before I’d finally passed out.

All I’d wanted to do was see if the feelings that had been building for her over the last year were real, but I’d been so short sighted when I’d forced my help with her commissions that I didn’t realize I’d be putting myself in a position to lose it all.

After powering through my handful of clients, I was grateful to have blocked out my schedule for the afternoon so I could take care of paperwork. But no matter how hard I tried; I couldn’t focus on anything but what would happen tomorrow night.

And when my stomach growled, driving me toward the pizza place a mile down the road, I knew what I needed to do.

Hazel’s tablet was sittingon the bar when I let myself in the back door, but the rest of the room was deserted. I briefly wondered if she’d forgotten it here, but knew that couldn’t be thecase because she rarely let it out of her sight. Especially lately with the subject matter of her commissions.

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