Page 47 of Illicit Illustration

“Wha…oh shit.”

Pressing my lips together, I gave him a jerky nod, confirming the conclusion he’d come to a lot quicker than I’d expected.

“That night.”

Nodding, I tried to look away, but he shifted, holding my gaze. I flinched as he raised his hand, gently grazing my jaw with his fingertips until I relaxed. His warm palm cradled the side of my face, and I tried to remain calm, waiting for him to process this new kernel of information.

“I guess I’m not exactly sure how that’s true. You’ve had boyfriends before, Haz. I’ve met a few of them. They didn’t deserve you, but it’s just not computing in my head that none of them wanted to…”

“It was me.Ididn’t want to.” And until recently, I was happy with my decision not to jump into bed with the men I’d dated just because it was expected. I’d wanted it to mean something. And I knew Reid hadn’t shared the same sentiments about intimacy, but this was about me, not him. His past was just that. In the past.

And he’d never once pushed me during the last week to do or take part in anything I wasn’t one hundred percent a willing participant in.

“You could’ve told me. I would have toned it down. If I made you uncomfortable, you should have sai—”

“Nothing that has happened in the last week has made me uncomfortable. At least the bad kind of uncomfortable. I feel safe with you, Reid. Scared shitless half the time, but safe. That’s part of why I agreed to let you help me with this. I knew you would respect my boundaries.”

He closed his eyes, shaking his head momentarily, but the pad of his thumb tenderly stroked my cheekbone.

“Please don’t start treating me differently.”

“Haz, I…”

“Please. This can’t make things weird between us. Because I don’t know what I would do without you. I spent so long running from the things you made me feel, and I decided after Halloween that I wasn’t doing that anymore. I missed our friendship more than I was embarrassed, and after you helped defend me, I…”

“That was all you, kitten. I wasn’t the one with the pink bat in my hands. My job was solely as moral support while you put Viv in her place.”

My brother’s ex had come after me at the bar’s Halloween party shortly after he’d accidentally fake kidnapped my best friend. Things with Viv had gotten nasty quickly, with her accusing me of trying to bad mouth her to ruin her relationship with my brother. But she didn’t need my help. She did that all on her own, I was just tired of taking her shit. When she’d tried to physically assault me during the party while she threatened me, I’d grabbed the closest thing I could reach and rammed it into her stomach.

Only I missed and she got the blunt end of a bright pink bat shoved straight into her crotch. Once she started howling and carrying on about assault, Reid had dragged her out with Mikey, the guy who worked the door at the bar.

“So maybe I should thank her for you finally talking to me again?” It felt good to hear him laugh, but the way he was tenderly stroking my cheek had my brain going fuzzy and warm.

“I don’t think we should go crazy, but I’m not sad you’re back in my life. Even if you push me way out of my comfort zone.”

“If I’m coming on too strong, or…”

“You’re perfect, Reid. Seriously. You haven’t crossed any lines I wasn’t inviting you to cross. But I’ll understand if this changes things for you. Because—”

His fingers plunged into my hair; his face suddenly much closer than I was expecting. “Fuck that, Haz. You’re the one who is perfect, and your experience or lack thereof doesn’t bother me.”

“Yeah, cause I’m such a fucking catch. Flighty, sarcastic, built like an adolescent, has two public personas… complete silence or never shuts up and has no social awareness. But, yeah, I’m great.”

“Well, you were right about one thing…” he whispered, leaning in close to my ear. “You are pretty great.”

“You have to say that,” I mumbled into his cheek, wishing I saw myself the same way he saw me.

He pulled back, releasing my face, but he scooted in close, his arm draped across the back of the couch again. “And why is that?”

“Because you’re Hudson’s best friend. You’re supposed to be protective.”

He nodded, pursing his lips, but I could tell he wasn’t buying into that reasoning. “You’re right, I do feel protective of you. But it’s not because you’re Hud’s little sister.”

“It’s not?” I asked, and he chuckled, looking amused at my reaction.

“No. It’s not. It’s because this is pretty much all I can focus on lately.”

“I’m sorry. This project is taking up too much of your time, I…” My voice trailed off as he started shaking his head again, but it was hard to keep myself from babbling more apologies as my anxiety spiked.

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