Page 46 of Spelling Disaster

God, having to admit it to two people in one day? The secret I’ve carried for so long?

I blink at my reflection but the deer in the headlights look doesn’t work with my makeover.

“I’ve never dated before.” I wince saying it out loud, covering my face with my hands until Blaire slaps them away. “I’ve never gone out with a boy or held his hand. Until now. I’ve been homeschooled since I learned how to speak.” Once it’s out in the open, it’s much easier to say without getting tongue tied.

“But you’re so cute. And you’re smart!” Blaire exclaims. “How were you living like a monk?”

“Easily. It’s all I’ve ever known.”

Right now, it’s a source of embarrassment.

I’ve never had a chance to live. I’m supposed to be at Andora to learn about magic, but what about the rest of it? The social things that make life worth living?

Those had never been available to me until now.

Blaire taps her finger on the top of my still tingling hand before grabbing my chair and pulling it over so that we’re facing each other, leaving me no choice but to face her head on. “You’ve been really close lipped about your background,” she replies cautiously, afraid to spook me. “I get it. Sometimes it’s hard to talk about our pasts, especially when we don’t trust anyone. But I’m your friend, Yazzy. You can talk to me about anything. And lord knows my life is an open book. Any question you want is on the table. I’d just like to know more about you.”

I take a second because all of a sudden it’s hard to breathe with my feelings rising up out of the boxes where I smashed them. Too many and all varied, making it hard to figure them out and deal with them. Which was probably why I hadn’t until now.

“It’s not going to be the best story.” It’s the only warning I offer.

She bobs her head in a nod. “I get it. Try me.”

“I’m on the outs with my family,” I finally tell Blaire. “We’re not supposed to speak with each other. I really miss my sister.” I glance at her. “You actually remind me a lot of Remi. She’s older and she’s always been more confident. So sure of herself and unafraid.”

“Time heals all wounds,” Blaire says. Her way of letting me know I don’t need to get it all out in the open right away. “You’ve been here a few weeks. And the semester is only halfway through! Maybe you can go and see them during the break. It’s coming up.”

“I don’t think I’m allowed to see them,” I admit. “My mother said some things to me as she dropped me off. It’s not really easy, even if I want to.”

“If anyone is able to figure this out, it’s you. I think you need to channel some of your sister’s badass energy, maybe even some of mine, at the risk of sounding like I have a big head. Channel it, own it, and start thinking about what you really want. Not what other people want for you.”

A grin tweaks my cheeks up. “Has anyone ever told you that you give good advice?”

Blaire fluffs her hair. “It’s my gift.”

I don’t want to think about avisit, however. Planning this ruse, helping Theo, figuring myself out…deciding what I might do during break is way more than I want to contend with. And I’m at capacity.

ChapterFifteen

After a very early dinner, I head over to Theo’s dorm, watching every step.

If there are creatures out there, or more fog, then I need to be observant. My hands stopped tingling halfway through our meal. A blessing, thank goodness, but a new tingle took up residence in my lower abdomen at the thought of where I’m heading.

Despite the squirming in my guts, I head up to his room.

No more strange shadows separate from the darkness. A normal breeze pushes the leaves of the trees overhead in a sweet symphony, along with my pounding footsteps. Pounding everything, really. I’m the one who’s out of place, abnormal, coming from X House, thinking a layer of makeup will protect me.

My self-critic never shuts up, and whatever is lurking out there has not given up.

Maybe it’s just hibernating for a bit.

Is Theo going to like my new look?

How much studying am I going to be able to get done with my nerves raw and on edge?

I force myself to knock on his door even when my heart pounds out of my chest to the point where my ribs ache. I’m breathless again, the way I always seem to be around him.

I’ve got no control.

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