Page 9 of Monstrous

But I assure her I’m okay and ignore everything else for the rest of the morning.

I’m not out of the woods yet, though.

The moment we clock out for lunch and settle our drawers, Krista moves to my side with a soft smile lighting her features.

“Do you want to eat together today, Mari? I forgot to bring food and it might be nice to get out for a bit,” she says, pausing at the door to the lobby waiting for me. “Come out with me and let’s have a little girl time.”

Typically, I’d wave her away and make up some excuse. Then again, typically I remember to pack my lunch, too. It’s pure coincidence that I forgot today as well.

This is normal, I tell myself. I’m normal.

I struggle to adopt the same chipper expression as Krista and fail miserably, my smile going sideways and my eyes darting in the same direction when I think I see something. Nope, it’s the same old nothing.

Why won’t this feeling go away?

Then again, no matter how many hours of sleep Krista gets with her two kids, she always looks fresh and ready to go. One of those Scandinavian types with the nearly platinum hair and gorgeous sapphire eyes.

Plus, she’s a genuine sweetheart inside and out.

I’m definitely edging into “troll under the bridge” territory.

“Sure, sounds great,” I agree.

She claps her hands together excitedly and gestures for me to follow her out to her car. Keys jingle in her hand as she tells me how happy she is for us to finally get a little time together. How long it’s been.

I’ve always enjoyed her company, and if I were a little more outgoing, I’d call her a friend. Unfortunately, I’m a classic introvert even without the psychological trauma, and I’ve always preferred to stay at home.

It’s a short walk to a cute little café bistro with coffee, sandwiches, and salads, but Krista prefers to drive. Sitting beside her feels weird, especially when she makes conversation so easily. Drawing the words out of me is like trying to claw through stone with your bare hands.

But I try my best.

My mind is a tangle, one of those old toys for children where they’re forced to try and navigate the knots. Except nothing I do helps and at the restaurant, I end up ordering whatever Krista orders plus a little salad.

It’s a lovely day and I’m proud of myself for going out instead of offering my usual automatic dismissal. We grab a little round table by the window and with the sun streaming in through the giant front window, it almost feels…

Yeah. Normal.

“So, how have you been holding up today?” Her smile turns sad and more than a little empathetic.

“Everything is great,” I insist. “Fantastic.”

Krista shakes her head, her bright pink lips pursed in a frown. “I saw the news yesterday. I’m sure it’s got to be hard, having the reminders up front and right in your face. I heard there was a memorial for—”

“It’s okay.” I shoot her a confident wink and end up with a lash out of place and poking my eyeball.Ouch, crap, that hurts. “I’m handling everything.”

And I can prove it.

“You can tell me if you aren’t. I know we haven’t always been the closest, but this isn’t the kind of situation where you should go it alone,” she offers softly. “You know? This kind of thing doesn’t happen all the time. It’s rough, and something no one should have to experience, let alone so young.”

“It doesn’t, but I’ve been working very hard to heal and get on the other side of all those feelings.” I dig my fork into the salad, stabbing through a piece of lettuce and tomato like they’re to blame for everything before lifting them to my lips. “I am also staying home instead of going to the memorial.”

Krista shakes her head. “I don’t blame you. If you’re trying to heal then you definitely don’t need the reminder of his death.”

I also don’t need my pills.

I’m a confident woman, I tell myself repeatedly in my head. And a damn good artist, if I do say so myself, mostly because I’ve worked hard to push through and improve my craft despite everything. I’m not the same person who kept a blanket over her head for a month straight seven years ago.

“I’ve got to say, you’re handling this much better than I would be if I were you.”

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