Page 39 of Eternally Yours

I slammed a fist against the doorframe to her room. “Dammit, Loren. This has nothing to do with me not wanting you.” I turned on my heel and paced, a nervous hand running wild through my hair. “Since I first saw your face in that alleyway, I’ve been drawn to you in ways I can’t describe, but things are… complicated with me.”

She pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers and shook her head. “It’s the same shit with all you men. Human or vampire. It’s always complicated. I don't get it.” Face flushed, she pinned her spiny gaze into mine. “You say you want me, but then you don’t? You egg me on, but when I give myself to you willingly, you turn me away? What the fuck is this? What game are you playing?" Her voice was vexed beyond anything I’d heard before. “You say it'll get easier for me and that I need to embrace this new part of me, but then you do… you do this!” She stretched her arms and flexed her fingers. I knew the feeling well. She was trying to calm her beast.

Leaning her head back against the door, Loren closed her eyes and let out a hard breath. “I don't understand what you want from me.”

Hands on my waist, I dropped my chin to my chest. She was right. I was a prick. And she didn’t deserve some jackass treating her like this.

“It’s not a game,” I said, looking back up. My insides twisted when I felt the turmoil churning in her. There were so many emotions bidding for attention—her body trying to acclimate to all the new sensations. She didn’t need some asshole making things worse.

“I tried it once. To fall in love. And it got her killed.”

Her eyes slid open, her silence an invitation to tell her more.

I stepped back, needing space to open up the vast chasm of my past. “Her name was Elizabeth.”

She blinked, disbelief wrinkling her brows. She was quiet for a few moments, but when she spoke, her tone was softer, her anger a bit tamed. “Oh, I see… I get it now.”

“I don’t think you do,” I said, realizing she’d misunderstood me. “More than a century ago, I fell in love with a human. She was beautiful. Kind. But most of all, in a time where my kind would’ve been seen as the devil’s work, she wasn’t afraid of me. I brought her before my family. I begged my father to let me turn her, to sire her so she could become my mate. Instead, he killed her.”

A shadow of anguish crossed Loren’s features.

“My father did not approve of my choice for a mate. I saw her be ripped apart by my father’s minions. I won’t let that happen ever again.”

An invisible spear laced my chest like it always did when I thought about Elizabeth, but when I tried to recreate her face from memory, the details were fuzzy. Time and heartache were making me forget her and guilt pressed on my chest. I didn’t want to forget her. Her haunting memory was my punishment for what I'd done. I should’ve never brought her back to the coven. I’d been a fool to think my father would allow me to choose my own mate. Heir to the throne or not, I held no power. The elders were the true rulers.

If only I’d seen that sooner. I would’ve run away with her. Either sired her myself, or lived out her human life with her. Instead, I'd killed her.

“It’s why I left,” I confessed, letting her have a piece of my buried torment. “I want nothing to do with them and their tyrannical ways.”

She kept her expression controlled, but I didn’t need to see what she was feeling to know how she felt. Pain and confusion streamed through our bond. Still, she remained silent.

The quiet made my scalp prickle. I’d just given her a slice of my soul and she’d said nothing. Didn’t think a woman could wound me this deeply again. Shaking off the unpleasant sensation, I puffed my cheeks. “Well, now you know…” I added. “It has nothing to do with you.”

“But it does.”

Her words sent me off-kilter. Hadn't she been listening at all? None of this was about her. It was about my failures as a man. About every mistake I’d ever made. “Loren, I told you. My past—"

“Your past is anchored to your present, Nic. The pain of your previous mistakes affects me directly because you sired me. We are linked. There’s nothing I can do about the way I feel for you. Your blood calls to me, Nic. I can’t escape that.”

I blinked hard, unable to formulate a coherent sentence. I’d fucked up again and no matter how much I’d tried to protect her, Loren had become collateral damage nonetheless.

“I understand you’re hurting, and I don’t want to downplay that in any way, but I’m not asking for love. Never was. I’m not even sure these feelings are real or a part of this vampire hocus-pocus.”

The blows kept coming. She had no fucking clue how much I ached for her. Being a vampire didn’t make you want someone, it made you more aware of those feelings. It heightened them to unbearable proportions.

I clamped my mouth shut for fear of saying anything that could sting her more.

“If you want nothing to do with your coven,” she went on, “then why are you still a prisoner to their rules? Their fear?”

“Because once my father finds out that I sired you outside of the coven’s doctrines, he will seek you out and kill you.” I paused, letting that proclamation sink into her bones. The thought of my father hurting her wrapped a tight spring around my heart. The connection we shared went beyond the bond we’d established through my siring her.

The feelings were real. Which made them more dangerous. “In trying to save you,” I said. “I signed your death sentence instead.”

“I guess that puts us in a bit of a pickle because I don’t plan on dying. Again. And I can’t ignore what my body is demanding of me.”

“I’m hoping to teach you how to sustain yourself without having to kill a human. I know the blood-bags are not as appetizing, but they do provide you with the nutrients you need to keep your body strong. Killing deer will keep your inner predator sated. Once I show you how to survive as a vampire in a human world, we’ll find you a safe place to live. And then we…”

“What?” she pressed. “Then we what?”

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