Page 80 of Death Deals

Wait… He did?

“It hurt to see him there in your Trial, and that’s the truth. It hurt to see him tell you he loved you after you had run from me when I’d confessed the same.” He closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath. “But I also understand I hold thousands of memories of us together. Every life you lived, I was there with you before the reincarnation cycle started again. I know you beyond this.”

“But I don’t,” I said.

“You will. Once your past lives are restored to you—”

I shook my head. “No, I lost them. All of them. I watched them evaporate before my eyes before Monnie pulled me back to earth.”

“Are you sure?”

“I felt it—the emptiness—once they were gone. I doubt I’ll ever be getting them back.”

He looked away, pain etching into his handsome features. “We just need time,” he assured me. “I told you I’d wait until you were ready…”

And look how well that had gone.

My heart bled for him. Walking over, I cupped the side of his face and guided him to look at me again. His hazel eyes locked with mine and sorrow weighed heavy there. I never wanted to hurt him. Ever. But there was no way what I was going to say wasn’t going to do just that.

“You love the person I used to be,” I whispered. “I’m not that person anymore, Eli. And without my memories, I never will be.”

He pressed his face into my hand and closed his eyes again.

My own heartache made my voice catch. “I’m sorry…”

“Even with time?” he asked, more desperate now. “I don’t care about the Halfling or the vampire. I don’t care. I’ve seen you live a thousand lives, but you’ve always come back to me. What if Michael—”

“I can’t speak for the future,” I began, “but I know that as of now, I’m not right for you. And it’d be selfish of me to make you wait an eternity for a maybe.”

“I’ve waited this long.”

“You…” I drew in a breath as the real truth of the moment hit me. My hand fell away. The absolute agony in his gaze was too much to bear, and I forced myself to turn around. “You deserve better than me.”

“What if I don’t want better,” he muttered to my back. “What if I don’t care about any of that? I love you, Jade. I always have.”

Guilt spun through me as his words tore at my heart. I hugged myself tighter and forced strength back into my voice. “I still need you to fight by my side as my Guardian, my partner… And my friend. I can’t win this fight with Hell without you. That’s how it needs to be right now. And only that.”

When I faced him again, I caught sight of movement in the demon trap. Eli noticed it, too, as subtle as it was. My skin crawled with a warning. Looked like Monnie hadn’t been completely out of it like we’d thought.

Without missing a beat, I asked Eli, “Do you remember, in the fight with Azrael, what I did to stop him?”

He scanned my face, reading my unsaid words. With a dip of his chin, he told me he understood where I was going with this. Who needed that angel telepathy garbage? Eli knew me well enough to see the plan forming in my mind, and I knew—by his grimace—that he wasn’t exactly happy with it. But that didn’t matter.

Positive Monnie had been listening to us the entire time, I said, “Tell Sean and the others that I think we’re ready for another try.”

A lie, of course, but I had to play the part so Monnie wouldn’t catch on. If this worked, then I was going to be able to get both Cole’s freedom and my own.

If it didn’t… Well, you know how it goes.

Hopefully, my first Archangel Trial had been right… I was really good at sacrificing myself for the people I cared about.

Eli gave me one last solemn look, one that spoke volumes in its silence. Then, in a flash of white light, he was gone.

“The angel just can’t take the hint.”

When Monnie’s voice floated to my ears, I smiled. He’d been awake the entire time. Just as I thought.

It was time for me to cast my net and see if I could catch myself a fish. A demon fish.

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