Page 97 of Cherry Auction

“Do you like taking walks?”

“How the fuck should I know? You think my life’s been about going on nice pretty little walks under the fruit trees?”

I’m trying to rile him up or get him to stop looking so fucking calm. I’m being a brat, and by this point, Domhnall’s nostrils would be flaring. But Dr. Ezra just sits there looking perfectly pleasant.

“I’m going to let you in on another little secret. It makes total sense to me why you don’t know what things you like or how you would choose to spend a free day.”

He leans forward and does the hands-folded-beneath-his-chin-thing again. “Your clever mind found a way to protect itself all these years so you could survive under extraordinarily brutal circumstances. You say you don’t know yourself, but the core of who you are still fought this whole time to hold on toyou.”

He thinks he’s so clever with his soft voice, but he’s?—

“No it didn’t!” The rage hot in my chest erupts. “I don’t even know who the fuck I am!” I’m furious at him. At myself.

But he just shakes his head, not put off by my fury at all. “You’re still there. You’ve always been there. It’s like a fully decorated room with the lights off. Little by little, as myself or other therapists work with you, you’ll learn to turn the lights up bit by bit, as if on a slider. You’ll eventually start to see what was in there all along. The furniture and the posters on the wall. The colors and design of the bedspread you choose.

“You’ll figure out what you like and don’t like—not because someone else told you, but because it’s just you in there. Nothing is lost that can’t be found. So let’s start over. What do you want your name to be?”

“Anna,” escapes my lips before I can really overthink it.

Dr. Ezra nods. “Anna. That’s a beautiful name. Does it come from somewhere?”

Why is he asking so many questions? Stupid questions, stupid questions, attacking my already battered brain.

“Enough!” I run and shove the door to the room open. The second I’m across the threshold, the haziness descends again, and I welcome the dark place as I climb back into the box in the deepest recesses of my brain.

HER

“It’sher mother’s middle name,” I say, sitting up straight as a pin, crossing my legs, and staring Dr. Ezra down with one eyebrow lifted. “Anna.”

This nave thinks he can fix my girl?

Fool.Iprotect the girl. Just like I have since she was a child and her mother abandoned her to the monster.

Dr. Ezra tilts his head. “Her?”

I roll my eyes. This is so pedantic. “The girl. It’s the girl’s mother’s middle name. Anna.”

“And who am I speaking to now?”

Oh he’s clever, is he?

I give him an icy smile, hands tucked demurely in my lap. “My pronouns are she/her.”

“And your name?”

“Names are overrated.” I give a tight wave of my hand before tucking it back in my lap. “You don’t need a name when there’s no one to talk to except a monster. And I was a secret we kept, so he never knew I was here.”

“Monster?”

I give him a deadpan stare. “If you don’t know about the monster yet, you’ve really got shit qualifications, don’t you? Did they call in another half-doctor?” I yawn and roll my head to stretch my neck. We really need to be getting the girl more exercise. She’s so tight.

He chuckles. “I can see how you kept her safe all theseyears. You’re very smart, aren’t you? She’s mentioned you in passing but I wasn’t sure I’d get to meet you. And yes, I know about your father. So you call him the monster? What was your experience of him?”

I give a laughing scoff. “Oh I’m not here for that, little doctor man. She can talk out all her woes to you, but I’m just fine. I’ve been toughing out shit you can’t even imagine in your little academic ivory tower. I’msoglad that you’veworked withother little sad shits who’ve gone through traumatic childhoods but you don’t know us. The girl and I have a system that works just fine.”

“Does the girl think so?”

I scoff again. “She’s just a child.”

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