Page 47 of Cherry Auction

Tonight I’m on a mission.

Because two nights ago, I got the keycode.

I’ve had it for a whole day and not done anything with it.

That’s fuckedup.

I told myself I was waiting for the right time. That I didn’t want him to suspect what I was up to.

I’m afraid that’s all bullshit. I’m afraid I was afraid to leave.

Because after our impact play scene two nights ago counting from ten to one, when I got off the bed to crawl to the elevator with him, it was so natural to nuzzle close to him. He said I was thelove of his life. And there was no ignoring the lift in my chest from how natural and easy it felt to disappear into the play between us.

But he didn’t stay, even though I was affectionate. Even though I was supposedly the love of his life at some point.

Maybe that was the last straw.

He never stays. He’ll always go. Because nothing I do could ever affect that cold man.

If I was ever loved by him, like he says, it was in the past. Too long ago for even the ghosts to resurrect.

So when he walked down the short hallway toward the elevator, I followed, crawling behind him close enough that my face occasionally butted up against his slacks.

Then I stopped ten feet from the elevator to let him know I was being obedient.

He paused and looked back at me, but I made sure to have my face firmly toward the floor like a good girl.

It was only when he turned back around to key in the code to the elevator that I lifted my eyes. It’s what I meant to do all along when I decided to put on this subservient mask,before the mask started feeling all too real. Yes, my intentions became… fuzzy… somewhere along the way.

Thank god some last gasp of self-preservation reared up inside me. Because I clearly saw the numbers he quickly typed into the keypad. 2-0-1-6.

I immediately dropped my eyes back down. I couldn’t be sure, but I swore he looked back at me right that second.Phew. Almost caught.

A ridiculous, futile impulse welled up inside me. I wanted to say, “Goodbye.”

Maybe that was why I stayed the extra day today. Taking food from his hands for each meal. Relishing his gentle training.

Why hasn’t he been harsher with me? Or has this been his trick all along? And I’m the fool to have almost fallen for whatever brainwashing all this was supposed to do to me? I’m probably still just weak-minded because of the amnesia.

Tears spring in my eyes as I swing my legs out of bed and glare at the floor. Weak little fool.

No. I’ve only beenpretendingto be a weak little pawn, even if playing the part has felt a little too real sometimes. He’s had me so twisted around and upside down, I still feel elation at being near him, even if it’s at his heel.

But you’ve always been the queen, I remind myself in a little pep-talk,able to command the entire board.

Now is the time to be strong. Strong enough to know I can’t trust anything he makes me feel. I have to be bold now.

I know there are cameras on me twenty-four-seven, but even Sir has to sleep sometime. While I can’t be sure it’s even night-time because there’s no clock, sometimes in chess, you’ve got to take a risk and hope your opponent doesn’t see it coming.

So it doesn’t matter that there’s an impossible list of tasks in front of me now: escape the basement. Escape the mansion. Flee down the road with nothing but a sheet wrapped around myself. Flag down a car. Somehow make it to Chicago. Find my friend Ria at her aunt’s house even though I don’t even have an address, just her last name.

Start over with nothing.

Yes, I thought about going to the cops. They were nice enough when they interviewed me about the mugging, but ultimately pretty useless. Even if they weren’t useless, I wouldn’t— I swallow as I climb up into bed and admit the truth to myself.I wouldn’t want anything to happen to Domhnall.

Yup. That’s fucked up. He’s already crawled in my head. The kitty in me nuzzles him there.

Yup that’s me. Fucked up girl. That’s all right. Who says normal’s so great?

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