Page 55 of When We Dare

Casey smiled when I sat down beside her. “I love this.”

“The food?” I prompted.

“Well, the food looks great, but I feel like I’m making friends,” Casey explained.

“I totally understand.” I nodded vigorously. The group tonight included me, Tish, Maisie, Jasmine, Lucy, Tiffany, and Madison so far. With Graham’s crew out, that meant many of us were quietly keeping worry at bay about firefighters we loved.

“Do you miss Hudson?” Madison asked.

I missed Hudson to the point my heart stung from the pain of it. And yet, I hadn’t really talked about our breakup. I took a shaky breath as I nodded.

Madison’s eyes narrowed. I had come to really like Madison. Although her beauty was intimidating at first, she was a sensitive, kind friend.

“What is it?” she pressed. “We all miss our guys when they’re gone, but it seems like there’s something else going on.”

For a beat, I thought I could hold it together, that I could play this off. Instead, I burst into tears. Tish curled her arm around my shoulders, and the whole story spilled out.

I finished with, “And, like an idiot, I don’t even know if I love Hudson, but I said I thought I did and it freaked him out. There’s a reason I don’t do relationships.”

“I don’t do them either, but I’m wondering if you have a better reason than me,” Casey chimed in.

“It’s nothing major. Just that I don’t have the best judgment, or my hormones don’t,” I replied, my shoulders sagging with a sigh.

“Hormones generally have great judgment,” Amelia interjected dryly as she sat down at the table.

“Hudson seems like a really good guy,” Tish offered softly from my side.

I cleared my throat. “My mom takes wearing her heart on her sleeve too far. It’s like a competitive sport for her. I spent my childhood watching her desperately fall for one guy after another who didn’t want anything serious, or were total assholes. I promised myself I would never let myself end up in that position.”

Madison studied me from across the table. “You don’t sound desperate for Hudson. You totally have it together. You just finished law school.”

Maisie’s curls bounced with her nod. “You are badass.”

My heart pounded along unsteadily. “I am?”

Tish nudged me with her shoulder. “Remember when we met last year? My life was a hot mess.”

“It was not!” I insisted.

“Maybe that’s how it looked from the outside, but—” She shrugged. “It didn’t feel like that to me at all. My point is you might feel like you don’t have it together, but you’re doing better than you think.”

Madison chimed in, “You should’ve seen me when I ended up here. I was broke. All I had was my dog, my car, and the place my grandfather left me. That’s it.”

“Really?” I squeaked.

“Really,” Madison said. “Most of us forget to consider that the way it looks on the outside probably isn’t how it feels on the inside.”

I took a shaky breath.

“Some people are just better at making it seem like they totally have it figured out. I don’t totally have it figured out, but being a dispatcher has taught me a lot. It kind of sharpens moments and perspective,” Maisie offered. “But back to Hudson, maybe talk to him again. I don’t know if you lovehim. Only you know the answer to that, but it’s possible you overreacted,” she said carefully.

I rolled my eyes as a laugh rustled in my throat. “Maybe.”

Tish squeezed me again. “Mac and cheese usually makes things better, so eat some. When the guys get back, maybe you can have a conversation with Hudson. I’m not saying it will all work out, but my guess is?—”

Several phones rang, chimed, and buzzed in rapid succession. Madison glanced down at her phone screen. “It’s Graham, let me get the update.” She hurried away from the table.

Moments later, she returned. “They’re flying back tomorrow.” Her gaze bounced to me. “Graham said Hudson feels like an idiot.”

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