Page 50 of When We Dare

“Are you Hudson’s father?” Janet's voice lilted up.

“I sure am. We’re just passing through. Well actually, we’re in Anchorage, but I came out here to see my boy.” My dadbeamed. I could’ve sworn there were tears in his eyes when he looked my way. “He’s a firefighter, did you know that?”

Maybe Janet didn’t know our whole history, but I could tell she sussed out the overall picture, that my dad had been there and done that and was deeply proud of me now. She cocked her head to the side, her eyes twinkling. “He isn’t just a firefighter, he’s a wildlands hotshot firefighter, the toughest ones in the world. You should be proud of him.”

I thought my dad’s face might crack wide open with his smile. “I am.”

We got sandwiches and coffee, and Janet joined us for a little while. It was really good to see my dad. Despite the chaos of my childhood, he’d been making a clear effort to turn the ship around. I’d never doubted his love for me. To have him finally sort of stable was refreshing. He was sober and religiously attended Narcotics Anonymous meetings, even planning to attend a meeting when they got back to the hotel in Anchorage tonight.

A while later, I hugged him and Laura goodbye. On my way out, Janet was looping around the café with a tray as she collected dishes and tidied tables. She caught my eye and beckoned me over.

“What is it?” I asked when I stopped at her side.

“Your dad sure loves you.”

My throat felt thick and my eyes pricked with tears. “He does. I love him.”

She squeezed my elbow affectionately. “How are you and Stella?”

I opened my mouth to reply before snapping it shut. I realized I might be about to burst into tears if I tried to talk about my own idiocy.

Her smile faded. “What is it? Did you break that girl’s heart? I don’t believe you did.”

I cleared my throat up, dredging up some composure. “I hope I didn’t.” A sigh slipped out. “I don’t know how to explain it,” I finally added.

Janet tipped her head to the side and studied me for a few beats. “I don’t have all the answers, but I’ll say this. If it’s worth it, you’ll stumble through and come out on your feet with her.”

When I got home that night, the door up to Stella’s apartment was closed and the kitchen was dark. I tried to have faith in Janet’s words.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

STELLA

“Oh, honey!” My mother flung her arms around me.

When we stepped apart, her eyes were shining with tears, and I could feel my own threatening.

“I’ve missed you, sweetie.”

“I’ve missed you too, Mom.”

She ran one hand down my arm and smoothed the other over my hair. The man I presumed was my father was lingering at a distance, waiting by the car rental.

“Are you ready to meet him?” she asked.

I nodded. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

With a smile, she slipped her hand through my elbow and walked me over to him. I didn’t want to be nervous, but I was. My pulse was tumbling along unsteadily and my stomach felt a little topsy-turvy. When you have a parent just floating out there in the universe, it feels disorienting. There’s so much to wonder about. My mom had never kept any secrets. She’d always been honest with me about getting pregnant young and not really being serious with my dad. When I got old enough to ask about why my dad wasn’t around, she’d explained he’d been in trouble with the law.

Even at ten years old, I’d had to bite my tongue. Because, you see, maybe the guys my mom kept trying to find weren’t in jail, but they weren’t all that great either. A few of them had been abusive and not a single one of them had been a steady influence in my life. From what little Parker had shared, his dad was a little like my mom. Except his flakiness lent itself to dealing drugs and ending up in jail. Maybe he hadn’t been so desperate for someone to save him, like my mom. Parker had assured me that he was a loving guy, and, as Parker put it, misguided and with sometimes “stupid” judgment.

I could see myself in my father when I stopped in front of him. We shared the same eyes. My dad straightened and his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down when he swallowed.

“Stella,” he said, my name coming out a little ragged. He cleared his throat. “It’s nice to see you.”

My mom’s smile was so wide, I thought her face might break apart. If her entire body could smile, it would’ve.

I managed to draw in a slow breath. “Nice to meet you,” I finally said. “I’ve been thinking about it, and I know you are my dad, but I’ve never called anyone “dad”.”

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