Page 50 of Save Room for Us

“I have some PTSD. You know Cedric wasn’t psycho when I met him. He was sweet, ambitious, handsome, and all the goodthings too. Also, I’m not exactly in the best moods all the time with all this shit going on. I want him to get to know the actual me, the person I was before Cedric started being an abusive asshole. I was fun, adventurous, and in good spirits most of the time. Not to mention, my stomach was on washboard and my titties were literally perfection.”

My mama chortled at my last statement.

“Stazi, you will get back to that version soon enough. But just think, if he likes you at what you consider a low point, how will he feel when you return to normal? He’s gonna be obsessed then.” She smiled, caressing my face for a second.

“You have to say that. You’re my mom.”

“I am, but I will always keep it real with you, baby.” She scooted closer. “I’m proud of you, and though I hate you being with Cedric has put you in such a predicament, I’m even prouder that you got out. Many women stay and die by the hands of these horrible ass men, brushing shit off until they kill the whole household. Or they wait around for a knight in shining armor to do the work. Nothing wrong with that last one, but you didn’t do that. You had no one, and you got your ass out. You got some big balls, and any man not scared of you right now is a good one.”

We cracked up at that.

“Thanks, Mama.” I checked the monitor on my phone to be sure Sophie was still napping, then went back to my texts.

Me: About to make a smoothie.

Asif: No Monopoly?

I snickered as I ascended and ventured into the kitchen.

Me: Nope.

He needed a glimpse of the old Anastazia before I bored his ass to death.

Me: Before I had a baby and a crazy man I used to love going to a boozy brunch with my sister and mom.

Me: I breastfeed though so I can’t do it unless it’s planned forty-eight hours before. Lol.

Asif: you so perfect man.

Asif: Come on a date with me tonight.

Asif: If you can’t, I can come kick it with you and baby girl.

Setting the bananas down, I peered into the living room at my mother looking so relaxed as she drank her tea, laughing at her show.

“Ma, you don’t wanna be bothered tonight, huh?”

“With what?” She looked at me, uncrossing her legs.

“Sophie. It’s fine, I can tell him I can’t go. I’m not tripping.”

“You better not, Anastazia Chase!” She got up. “You have to understand that I was a mother before you were, and something your grandma always did for me was look after you and your sister. Just because you are a mother doesn’t mean you can’t have a life. I love having Sophie this much, so go. I wish I could get Benton, but I have to share him with Lisara and his parents.”

Chuckling, I said, “Okay. Thank you. And remember, if you want me to come back, don’t hesitate to ask. I will. I won’t be mad.”

“Don’t piss me off.”

Typing on my phone, I smiled as she left the kitchen.

Me: Okay what time?

Asif: I’ll be to you around 8:30

I told him okay, then proceeded to my bedroom to see what I would even wear. Though it was only two p.m., I needed as much time as possible to get my look together now that I wasn’t as confident in my body. Before, it was easy work. I could think of outfits at the drop of a hat, having so many options and being in good shape, but not so much anymore.

I didn’t want anything that would make me look like all I did was eat donuts for a living, but I also didn’t want to cover up too much, which would essentially have the same sentiment—that I ate too many donuts and wanted to shield it from the world.

About an hour later, and after breaking out into a mild sweat, I figured out what I planned to wear: jean shorts, a cute crop that hid my midsection well, somehow, and my famous oversized jean jacket that would somewhat hide me yet also not completely. It was an item I bought on a whim and now wished I’d gotten more colors. There were only so many times I could wear this shit and in front of Asif. Pairing it with heels, I set everything to the side.

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