Page 1 of Save Room for Us

Things will be different now…

Nervously, I retrieved my restaurant leftovers that I’d be eating for lunch, from the small countertop over in the break room, and sat down. I was so in my head I didn’t even notice my coworker, and somewhat newfound friend, Jacinta was even talking to me.

“Huh?” I frowned when I noticed her brows dip in confusion.

“You okay? You haven’t said a word since I walked in. I thought I was gonna have to get you sent to the psych floor.” She giggled and I followed suit, though delayed.

“Oh no. I just have a lot on my mind.” I half smiled, stirring my food around with the plastic utensil for the hundredth time.

Jacinta’s smile dropped before she asked, “Is this abouthim?”

I’d told Jacinta a few things about Cedric, something I wouldn’t usually do, but it was for a greater good. Typically, Ikept my personal business to myself, my baby sister Analicia, and my mother. However, the truly bad, vile things within my relationship, no one knew about until Jacinta.

“Of course,” I replied, sighing dejectedly as she reached over to soothe me with a shoulder rub.

I’d been with Cedric for a while now, and at first, he was quite perfect. I remembered I was dealing with him and another guy, just dating at the same time, and though I met the other guy, Rodney, first, Cedric outperformed him.

Rodney was sweet, but he wasn’t focused and often always had a new thing he wanted to do or try career wise, which was a huge turn off to me. I’d always wanted a man like my father, someone who knew the path they planned to take and did what they needed to execute it. I didn’t want to allow a man who couldn’t decide between being a rapper or a race car driver to lead me.

By saying that, when I met Cedric, a man who had his life figured out and said all the right things, plus was handsome, it was an easy choice. And at first, I had no regrets. But I noticed as I began to get more successful in my nursing career, and even in my personal life—i.e., buying a house and brand-new car—Cedric became resentful almost.

Everything I did was an insult to him and his masculinity. Instead of paying a bill he’d been delegated to take care of, he wanted me to wait around until he got the money, which could be a while since Cedric only worked when he got a new contract in construction.

The first time he hit me was because I paid the internet and cable bill instead of waiting on him, despite it having been cut off. I was mortified, but he apologized, told me he was going through a lot, and he didn’t mean it. I was young, sheltered, and in love with him, so I forgave him. Like a lot of women, I made excuses so I could stay with him. He was good-looking,ambitious, and for the most part, treated me well. This was just one small hiccup, I thought.

Sadly, he only got worse, and my life with him became reminiscent of an eggshell. I was afraid to do or say anything when we were alone, in fear of him beating me up or slapping me. He was smart with it, only punching or kicking me in places I could conceal. He left my face and arms alone, only slapping me here and there, which rarely if ever resulted in noticeable injuries.

But then, I would achieve a new goal, get a raise, or have something positive happen to me, and he would get bothered, especially since his contract jobs slowed up in the latter parts of the year and because Cedric was very insubordinate to his superiors, which I stupidly said one time, and that didn’t end well for me.

I was in hell, or so I thought, so when he flirted with my sister, Analicia, I was done. I didn’t need to see it to believe it. I knew Leeci, Analicia’s nickname, and she would never make something like that up.

So, I left Cedric and was never going back. However, he found my new place, cuffed my hands behind my back, and then proceeded to force my head into a bathtub filled with water until I was mentally speaking to God, knowing I would see him soon.

As I gasped in a lungful of air, we made eye contact, and it was then I knew Cedric was a different type of evil. He would truly kill me if I left him, and he said as much as his hand held a fistful of my wet hair while I tried to catch my breath.

He forced me back with him, gave me a ring, and made it clear I was to say we were married, and I did. I’d never been so afraid of someone in my life. And Cedric only worsened over the years.

Every time Leeci or my mother got an attitude with him, I would pay for it. They assumed I would try to tell them to be niceto him because I loved him, but it was to save my ass. I could never tell them what was going on, because as a trio of women, pre-Bashar, Leeci’s husband, we had no one. And I knew my mother and sister. They would buck up on Cedric, and then what? He’d whup their asses, too, and it would be my fault. So to protect them, I kept my house of horrors a secret.

Anyway, once I got a little free time due to Cedric being on a job, I went to the police. I told them everything, that Cedric had been abusing me, having sex with me while I was asleep, holding me in a tight grip in bed all night, knowing I had to use the bathroom, and all kinds of torture.

The officer looked me in the eyes and kept it real with me. He told me straight up that they could arrest Cedric, but he would be out possibly the same week, even same night if he had the bail money, and it would only anger him, which would then be taken out on me. Though pissed the officer was basically telling me to take my ass home, I appreciated his candor. And I knew he was right; the law wouldn’t care or do anything until I was being zipped up in a bag.

I took my ass home that day, and the torture continued. I was at a loss, not knowing what to do.

“What did he do now?”

“Got a UTI from holding my pee all night, every night,” I half lied. I had gotten several UTIs from Cedric not allowing me out of his hold to go pee, but not right now. I just needed Jacinta to think that.

“Wow, what the fuck is wrong with him?”

“You tell me.” I shoved food into my mouth. “What were you telling me?”

“I don’t think I should follow that up with my good news.” She huffed.

“Please do. I need something to keep my mind off of things.” I smiled, hoping to ease the tension.

“Eh, okay.” She beamed, sitting up straighter. “I’m pregnant!”

---