Page 69 of Corrupted Guilt

I picked her up and kissed her breasts, sucking her nipples until they were hard and red, tasting the clean freshness of just washed skin and the lovely scent of her that I could taste under the soap scents. Her scent.

Katya writhed against me, her legs twisting around me as I entered that spot between her thighs and forgot about everything except this feeling, her around my cock. Clean, reborn, survivors, on the other side of all the bullshit even if only for a moment.

The bed was too far away, I pinned her to the wall and thrust deep into her aching, burning body.

I wrapped my fingers in her wet hair, drawing her lips against mine under the pouring water droplets, and kissed her wild and rough.

Thrusting into her again and again as she clung to me, whimpering, begging me not to stop. And then shattering on me, coming and curling up her body, holding me tight as pleasure crashed over her and as I poured myself into her.

After, we moved to bed and dried off and just lay with each other.

Her cheek rested on my chest, and she was smiling, I wanted to ask her about what but I just enjoyed it. I didn’t think I’d see it again for a long time after today, so I was lucky.

“I have a serious question for you,” she said, the smile fading.

“Ask, but you might not get an answer.”

“Believe me, I know,” she said. “Would you ever leave the Bratva? Like right now, just go with me and leave it all behind?”

She’s asking dangerous questions that she doesn’t want to know the answer to. I can’t lie to her. “No,” I say softly.

“Never?”

“Never.”

“What about if you had a child, like me? One who doesn’t fit into the Bratva, who doesn’t belong in that world?”

“You belong, by my side, you belong,” I’ve told her this before, but she chooses not to believe.

“No, that doesn’t feel right, I’ve told you—”

“And I’ve told you this before, but you choose not to believe. About the child, that’s not possible. If the child is mine, it will belong. If, like you, it felt it didn’t belong I would convince them. But leave? Never. This isn’t a choice. We are Bratva, that is the fact. There is no other life for us.”

“I thought so,” she said dreamily.

I’ve done everything I could to make her believe she belongs here, with me, at my side but she won’t listen to me or to her own heart. I must let her leave, let her find out she doesn’t belong anywhere else except right here. Next to me.

“Where can you go that you will belong?” I ask. “You tried school, but that didn’t work. What else do you need to try before you believe me?”

“I don’t know. I’m going back home to Viktor’s for a while. Maybe convince him to retire— some place tropical. There’s no danger there now, right?”

“Only that he might sell you again to someone else.”

“I don’t think he’ll try that again. And if he does, well, I think I can change his mind this time,” she smiled with a mischievous glint in her eye.

I don’t have a choice. I must let her go to see if she comes back.

33. Katya

I didn’t want to leave. If I stayed, I could pretend it wasn’t over. But it was over. Yuri let me leave his side—I never thought that would happen, but it just did. I had to take care of this thing growing inside me anyways. The longer I stayed with Yuri the more likely I’d tell him, or he would just know. And I knew what he thought about that. That was non-negotiable.

Still, tears burned the back of my eyes as I packed up my things and got ready to leave. We had said goodbye for weeks and there wouldn’t be any better opportunity here. It would be surrounded by men, his men, his Bratva and he couldn’t show weakness in front of them. A chaste kiss on the cheek was all I could hope for, and probably not even that. That was worth crying over but I held them back.

If I didn’t get a hold of myself, I’d be crying like a baby, again, and Yuri hated that. If he wanted me to stay, he would have said that. He would have made me not leave him. But he didn’t, he’s fine with it ending. I played with fire, and this was the getting burned part that I knew would happen.

I wasn't sure how I was going to survive. I had plenty of memories and I had this baby growing inside me. But I have seven or eight months before the baby came before I would have any joy in my life. Losing Yuri was like having a part of me torn away. I had never loved anybody like this. I remember how it felt when Dmitry died, it hurt so much for so long, but I hadn't been capable of this kind of love back then. There wasn't going to be aminute of the day when I didn't miss him, where it wasn't painful that he wasn't there with me.

Somehow, I had to make these next seven or eight months, day by day, minute by minute. Eventually I'd have to accept it being over and quit my mourning.

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