Page 2 of Filthy Boss

"That's not what we're talking about. You could stop all this tomorrow by changing bank accounts and getting a new job."

"If I do that I won't be able to afford you anymore."

"Good. You'll be cured." She's not swayed by my best argument.

"Cured, but poor. This paycheck pays you and my rent and my student loans. And how do I explain this job? How do I get a reference? What do I tell the new boss? They paid for my MBA and if I leave within three years I have to pay it all back."

"All of these ‘what if's’ are the cause of your anxiety- nothing else. I can't answer them. I don't know what will happen. But I do know you're smart, accomplished, and young. The only compliment I can't give you is brave. When you face these problems you won't need to see me once a week anymore and you'll end up surprising yourself."

Instead of calling me a coward, which is the truth, she says 'not brave'. I love how she does that.

"It's almost catch-22, if I quit, then I won't be crazy anymore. But if I quit and leave this job wouldn't that make me crazy?”

All I can hear is the scratch of her pen against the crisp white paper of her notebook.

“Think of what I can do with all this time and a steady paycheck. I could write a great novel, I could read the 100 greatest novels. I could watch the 100 greatest movies. I could better myself. I could study astrophysics or genetics. This is the opportunity of a lifetime and a blessing that anyone would be happy to have."

"But not you, Milly." She cuts me off. "You're twisted with anxiety and you don't better yourself, you sit around doing crossword puzzles, watch cat videos and masturbate to the soapy elevator boy. And you feel tremendously guilty about it. So much guilt that you have to come here and get it all of your chest to get through it."

I don't think I told herabout the masturbating part. Did I?

But I definitelytold her about lavender soap guy- man. He was decades from being a boy.

She's very smart.

And I’ve been silent for way too long to deny it now.

She's good.

"You called me ‘Milly’." After weeks arguing and me cringing every time she called me by my full name, ‘Mildred’, or ‘Miss Wells’, this was a big win for me, and just the thing to change the embarrassing subject.

"You expressed your preference, many, many times and I decided our time is better spent without all your derailments. I also want you to feel comfortable here. But I stand by my position that it’s more professional and sets the tone for the Doctor-patient relationship.”

"Add charming and persuasive to that list of my good points."

Milly. My argument was that I hated the name Mildred, that it sounded like a grandmother, and a rocking chair and knitting needles. I have nothing against those things. I hope I get there one day.

One day in the year 2070.

My company, White and Williams, promoted me, told me I'd have this new office and a new boss and new staff, and I'd even get to manage a few people. They moved me to the new building they rented and even gave me money to furnish the office. It was freshly painted and decorated, so all I reallyneeded to do was get someplants and magazines, to make it look more welcoming.

Human Resources said everyone would show up in a week.

That was 3 months ago.

Since then, HR quit answering my calls. My old boss was transferred. My new boss hasn't shown up. And the company is is in Chicago, 800 miles away from New York City, so I can’t just clear it up in person.

Well, I could have two and a half months ago, but not now.

They just forgot about me.

They abandoned me.

But they still deposit my paycheck every other Thursday. I get paid to do nothing, but I’m starting to agreewith Dez- it’s not worth it.

Dez is the biggest reason I don’t jump three feet in the air when the phone rings. I don’t even like looking at it, so I tucked it away inside the big potted plants.

I still half expect people to walk through the doors any day. Hopefully I'm doing crossword puzzles and not masturbating, but either way, I hope we'll have a good laugh and things will go back to normal.

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