Page 85 of Texting Dr. Stalker

Another wash of goosebumps coated me as my heart squeezed.

Her rejection shouldn’t hurt, but it did.

Her refusal to get friendly broke me apart piece by piece.

She’d never once looked at X like that. Even when I’d broken into her house and found her on the couch, she’d traded her fear for relief the second she’d known it was me.

If I’d gone to her as Zander, she’d probably still be running.

A spike of jealousy joined in the mix of confusing feelings.

I was jealous.

Of X.

I was envious.

Ofmyself.

And that’s my cue to get the hell out of here.

Walking down the two steps, I paused and said over my shoulder, “Thanks, Lo—” I coughed and cleared my throat. “Sailor.”

Her eyebrows pinched. “What were you going to call me?”

I forced a chuckle. “What Rory used to call you. Lor. But I figured it might not be my place.”

She drew herself up. “Look, Alex—I mean, Zander…I know we’ve practically grown up in each other’s periphery, and our grandparents were best friends, and you’re a great guy, and nothing would make the ghosts of our grans happier if we talked more and became more than just neighbours, but—”

“It’s fine.” I held up my hand. “I get it.”

She nodded and fell quiet, but then she puffed out her chest and added, “I like you. I really do. I always have, if I’m honest. I like the boy you were, and the man you’ve become is super impressive, but…I just need…after what happened. I—”

“You don’t have to—”

“Will you let me finish?” Frustration flashed in her stare.

I flushed. “Sorry. I…yes. Go ahead.”

“I just wanted to say…I just need you to know…” She exhaled hard. Hugging the box, she kissed the kitten on his head as he hopped up to headbutt her chest. “All I’m trying to say is, it’s not you, alright? I don’t mean to be standoffish, and I would hate to make you uncomfortable. You shouldn’t have to think I’m your last resort for help…that’s all I’m saying.” Her smile was tear-bright and brittle. “I’m grateful for all you did for Nana and caring for me after my…” She swallowed hard. “Accident. I’m lucky to have you as my neighbour, and I hope I can be a good neighbour in return.”

Unlike with X, who she’d sworn a vow of honesty with, she spoke blatant lies today all because I’d acted like a nervous fool and made her feel guilty.

Turning to face her, I balled my hands. “I’m not just your neighbour, Sailor, I’m your friend. I always have been. Always will be. And I like you too and completely understand it isn’t easy for you at the moment. I hate that I’ve imposed by asking you to cat sit. You don’t have to apologise to me. I get it. Probably more than you realise.”

She ducked her chin and held my stare for a second before looking at the garden. “Don’t work too hard.”

Hearing the unspoken request for me to leave, I forced a smile. “Thanks again for watching him.”

As I walked away from her, my back broke out into full agonising fire. I’d never felt such a complex recipe of shame and desire, guilt and possession all in one thundering beat of my idiotic heart.

Marching out of her front garden, I beelined for my car.

I had to get away from her.

I couldn’t do this.

Why did I think I could do this?

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