Page 222 of Texting Dr. Stalker

Lily dropped her cupcake. Icing down. White frosting splashed her pale pink suit. “Okay…you cannotjust dump that on a girl.”

I passed her my dogeared napkin. She took it and scrubbed her blazer. “Start from the top, Sails. Don’t leave anything out.”

I kept my eyes locked on the table and tried to figure out how best to say this.

I’d gone over every detail of X and Zander and Zander and X andugh.I couldn’t keep torturing myself this way. I’d made a thousand lists. Made a million excuses. Tried my best to cling to my righteous anger all while I saw it from his point of view.

I played devil’s advocate late at night when I couldn’t sleep. I became the bad guy needing someone to save me, only to be rescued by the boy next door who’d put his own morals and sanity on the line.

He’d put me first.

He’d given me an outlet, a safety net.

He became my protector and guardian and…God.

Who was I kidding?

I wasn’t mad.

How could I be mad when my wish had come true?

Hadn’t I wished that Zander and X were the same person, all so my heart wasn’t torn in two? Hadn’t I been drawn to both? Confused and hurting to be attracted to two men when I was always hardwired to be loyal to just one?

I hadn’t understood then, but my body had. My heart had. Both of those had known all along, just like Peng. It was just my stupid eyes that hadn’t seen.

“Are you going to speak, Sailor Moon, or do I need to slap you back into the world of the living?”

I blinked and forced a smile. “You can’t judge me.”

“Oh, I’m judging.” She smirked and crossed her arms. “And I want to hear every detail. Who the hell did you hook up with? How was it the best sex of your life? How did you not tell me this?”

Using her questions as stepping stones to everything else, I said, “His name is X. It was the best because I asked for what I wanted, and he gave it to me with no shame or fear. He bruised me but in the best kinds of way, and…I couldn’t tell you because…he was my stalker.”

“Yourwhat?” Her jaw fell on the table. “He was stalking you?!” Her eyes narrowed into slits. Pointing a finger in my face, she hissed, “Iknewit! The phone in your letterbox, the ‘care’ package you didn’t explain. That was him?”

“Yes.”

“And yousleptwith him? Are you insane? Do you not watch crime TV?”

“Believe me…I had those same thoughts when he first started messaging me but…”

“But?”

“I grew to trust him.”

She crossed her arms. “Explain. Immediately.”

So I explained.

About everything.

Every moment, every message, every mistake and triumph and fall.

And when I was done, Lily ordered two glasses of wine instead of coffee, claiming she needed alcohol.

We both waited until the crisp white wine had been delivered.

After taking a huge gulp, she coughed around the sharpness. “You know he called me looking for you. Zander, I mean. The night I stood you up at the movies.” Her face fell. “By the way, I’m so, so sorry that creep attacked you in the car park. If I’d gone you would never—”

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