Page 219 of Texting Dr. Stalker

Taking a deep breath, Colin held up a fourth finger. “Fourthly—is that even a word? Doesn’t sound right. Doesn’t matter. Apart from work, I’ve never seen you have a hobby or interest outside of the hospital. Sure, choosing stalking as your favourite pastime might not be the best thing, but it’s forgivable because your intentions were pure. You were there for her. You were there when she had those panic attacks. You had more sleepless nights than usual because you put her needs before yours. And you did absolutely everything—including giving up your own peace of mind—to heal hers which leads me to my fifth and final thing.”

Zander slowly lifted his head. “And what’s that?”

Colin smiled gently and lowered his hand. “You say you hurt her? That you let go? I say bullshit and good for you. In the same sentence.”

“What the fuck, Col? I-I bruised her and—”

“Was she begging you to stop?”

“No, but—”

“Was she fighting you off?”

“No, but that’s—”

“Was she screaming for someone to save her?”

“No, she—”

“I rest my case.” Sitting down with a smug smile, Colin patted Zander on the shoulder. “You, my friend have finally learned to let go and put yourself first for once, and it sounds like you both had afabuloustime.”

“But I hurt—”

“Dude, give it arest.” Colin threw his hands up. “So you roughed her up a bit? You said you gave her a safe word. She knew what she was getting into. Did she use it? Did you ignore her? Are you saying you raped her because if you did, I’ll take you to the police myself, but if you didn’t, then I’m seconds away from beating some sense into you because you have got to realise you can’t keep living your life like this. You can’t keep putting everyone else first. You did it with your grandparents, with your sisters, and with her. You need to be cared for just as much as the next person. You had rough sex. Big deal. Everyone does it. No matter how much we love someone—in fact, I’d probably say the more we love someone, the more primal those instincts get. Sex is where all that violence and desperation comes out, and it feels good. Forbothparties.”

Zander slowly exhaled. “Why did you have to come here with your stupid voice of reason?”

“Because you’re drunk and ridiculous, and that’s what friends do.” Colin cracked his knuckles and punched his other hand. “However, it doesn’t mean I won’t hit you a few times if you don’t sober the hell up and stop being an idiot.”

“It doesn’t fix the fact that I lied to her.”

“No, it doesn’t. She’ll have every right to be pissed, and you’re going to have to grovel.Bigtime.”

Zander sniffed and rubbed his nose. “You’re saying I should tell her? Even after I slept with her under false pretences?”

Colin shrugged. “Remember a few weeks ago when you told me she asked you to sleep with her and you didn’t know if you could cross that line?”

“I flatly said I wasn’t going to.”

“Yeah well, life finds a way, my friend.” He sighed and shook his head. “You’re meant to be together, Zan. And if you haven’t learned that by now, then you deserve to lose her.”

Silence fell.

Peng snuggled closer. I struggled to breathe.

I didn’t know what I was feeling.

Anger, definitely.

Betrayed, of course.

But…what Colin had said was true. Without X, I didn’t know how far I’d be in my healing. I’d probably still be rocking in the corner of my old bedroom, too afraid to stay and definitely too scared to go out.

I would’ve been trapped in a completely different hell, and the fact that Zander had known he’d become a trigger for me and done what he could to help me behind a mask was so…him.

Quintessentially him because he was the best kind of doctor, neighbour, and friend and…

I have to go.

---