Page 159 of Texting Dr. Stalker

It’s all in your head.

You’re safe.

My legs bunched to stand. I peered down the long row of chairs. I’d have to brush past countless people and run the risk of being touched by a stranger.

Get out.

Go!

I breathed faster, harder.

No, please don’t.

Not here.

Not now.

Swallowing hard against the bitter bite of panic, I closed out the message with Zander and opened the one with X.

I stared at his name.

I closed my eyes and breathed through the wash of debilitating terror. How could I think I was safe in this crowd? I wasn’t safe. I was alone. And being alone was the exact opposite of what I needed.

I need Peng.

Why did I leave him to come here?

Why did I think I was ready for this?

I needed his warm little body in my arms.

I needed X to wrap me in a hug and protect me from—

“You’re such a slut. I saw what you two did on that couch. No wonder you got rid of it so fast. You’re a whore trying to get rid of the evidence.”

Dropping my phone onto my lap, I clamped my hands over my ears trying to drown out Goblin-Milton’s voice. But then the movie started with bright flashing lights and crazy booming music, and my system threatened to explode in all directions.

Something blasted on the screen, delivering shock value and making a few of the audience giggle-scream.

My system didn’t just dabble with a panic attack, it went full blown.

Dry mouth, broken lungs, stinging tears.

Biting my bottom lip hard enough to draw blood, I forced my trembling hands to grab my phone.

The last time I’d had a panic attack, focusing on something else had helped. Talking about nonsense. Trusting someone on the other end to catch me.

Sipping breaths between my hyperventilating state, I texted as fast as I could.

Me:I know you’ve decided to cut all contact, and I respect your choice not to see me again, but you appointed yourself as my protector and I need you right now. I’m not okay. I’m terrified I’m going to embarrass myself by screaming or fainting so even if you don’t read this, I’m just going to pretend you are.

I pressed send, hoping against hell he hadn’t blocked me.

The message delivered.

I didn’t wait for him to reply before sending another one, distracting myself, using him like I did that night when I’d been jumping out of my skin.

Me:Lily and I planned on coming to the movies tonight. But she had to cancel last minute, so I’m here alone. I thought I was better. I actually thought it could be kinda fun, but now I’m drowning and all I want to do is run. But the movie has started, and the crowd is thick, and I don’t have the courage to brush past people in case they touch me.

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