Page 54 of Texting Dr. Stalker

What was Ithinkingtelling him so much personal stuff?

You’re an idiot! Such a stupid, moronicidiot!

X:I know you won’t believe me when I say this was not my plan. I had no intention of coming so close, and I definitely didn’t want you to see me. But I couldn’t help myself. I literally couldn’t stop my feet from bringing me here.

His chin flicked up, his eyes cast in thick shadow from beneath his cap. He looked down again, his thumbs flying over his phone before mine beeped with another message.

X:I’m not a violent man. In fact, you could safely say I’m the opposite. But reading your message? Knowing what he did to you? And why he did it?

He broke into a pace, stalking over the grass all while he typed with furious stabs of his thumbs. His every muscle looked tense and ready to snap.

X:I want to kill him. I want to break him into tiny pieces and destroy him. I want to kill your neighbour for being the reason you got hurt. I want to kill myself for thinking I could help you when I’m in motherfucking awe of you.

He looked up, catching my stare through the window.

His screen glowed brighter, etching his eyes with icy light, highlighting sleepless shadows as if he slept about as well as I did.

He finished typing. My phone buzzed.

X:Not only do you have every reason to feel the way you do but you’re also so strong to still live in the house where it happened. I can’t imagine what that must feel like, how talking to your neighbour must hurt.

New tears rolled softly as I read his message.

Catching his eyes again, he shrugged and cocked his head as if he truly was speechless.

The moment stretched.

Neither of us looked away.

Goosebumps covered my arms as he sighed and slouched, sending me another message.

X:I know I shouldn’t be here. I know I said I wouldn’t. But…I can’t leave. Not yet. You said you could tell me anything. Can I tell you something in return?

A shiver rolled down my spine as I swept my thumbs over the keyboard. I should tell him to go. I should be terrified. Yet having him here…? I couldn’t explain the calmness slowly slipping over me, just like the blanket he’d given me the other night.

I didn’t want to examine my feelings. I doubt I’d ever understand. Instead, I trusted in the safety he delivered and replied.

Me:You know the worst part of me. It would help to know the worst part of you.

His shoulders hitched; his eyes dropped to his phone.

X:I have a complex where I find self-validation in helping others. I’ve never told anyone how bad that complex truly is. It’s something I struggle with on a daily basis. It’s an obsession. A visceral need. I can’t control it most of the time, so…I guess I need to warn you.

My heart kicked.

Me:Warn me about what?

X:I don’t want this to end. I don’t want you to stop messaging me, but I wouldn’t be protecting you the way I said I would if I didn’t tell you that the more you lean on me and the more you let me help you…the harder I’ll find it to stay away.

I backed up from the window, clutching my phone.

I tried to get my fingers to behave and message him back. To demand a less cryptic reply. Only he vanished into the dark, leaving me staring at an empty garden.

A final message came through.

X:I’m not going to make this about me. This is about you. This is about you moving on, and I want you to tell me anything and everything that you feel or fear or do. I’ll be watching over you, Lori. I’ll behave and keep my distance. You won’t see me again. You have my word.

I didn’t know how I felt about that.

---