Page 51 of Texting Dr. Stalker

It’s in your head.

Calm the hell down.

Slowing at the end of the road, I eyed up the manicured pathway leading between two houses to the park beyond.

Before Milton covered me in pain and left me barely able to walk, I used to jog around Firefly Park most days. It was as familiar to me as my back garden, but right now…the dark alleyway seemed full of teeth and terror.

The alcohol in my blood made me stagger.

What am I doing?

Get a grip, Lor!

I shouldn’t have left my house. I was tipsy and barefoot and an absolutefool.

My nerves snapped and I sprinted back home.

I ran so fast, I grazed the soles of my feet and hurled myself through the front door as if the entire street was populated with axe murderers.

Slamming the door, my hands rattled as I did up the lock and threw the deadbolt into position.

The house pressed around me, heavy and ominous.

My knees gave out.

Collapsing against the door, I had my first ever panic attack right there on the rug. My lungs seized, my heart skipped, and all I could do was roll into a little ball on the floor and cry.

I didn’t know how to stop it.

I didn’t know I was capable of being this weak.

It made no sense.

I wasfine.

No one had threatened me. Nothing bad had happened, yet my entire nervous system acted as if Milton had beaten me all over again.

I’m alone.

I hatedso muchthat I was alone.

But the thought of calling Lily and letting her see me like this?

I couldn’t.

I could never tell her how my thoughts were full of despair, or that I no longer knew how to be happy. I didn’t want to be that person. Didn’t want her to look at me and judge me because what the hell was I so sad about? I was alive. I had no worries. No hardships.

God!

My head stuffed with tears. The mojitos threatened to come back up.

I-I need…

I don’t know.

I just needed something.Someone.A hug without needing to explain. A kind word without pity.

I huddled deeper into my ball. My cell phone fell out of my jeans pocket, clunking against the rug. My chest ached with pins and needles, and fresh fear filled me that perhaps this wasn’t panic but a heart attack.

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