“You know, until today, I didn’t know my blood could sizzle like that. I didn’t know my insides could turn liquid or that my mind could blank into nothing.” Her voice turned to a hot whisper. “I want to show you what that feels like.”
“I already know. I felt it. With you.”
“Then let me make you feel it again.”
I gagged on a groan as my body spasmed with excruciating lust. “Sailor, I’m begging you.”
“AndI’mbeggingyou.” Her face fell a little as her courage faltered. “Stop thinking about others, X. Stop putting yourself last. Stop being afraid.”
My feet moved of their own accord.
Standing over her, I bent and sifted my fingers through her hair. My voice crawled through river rock. “I’m not afraid. And I won’t let you antagonise me into touching you again. Are you not listening? Ican’t.”
She shrugged. “You’re touching me right now.” She studied my mask, her beautiful face unreadable. Her smoky eyes and kiss-swollen lips looked so different to the sun-kissed, make-up-free look she usually wore when harvesting her herbs and cooking her concoctions.
I’d known her as the shy girl next door and now as the kneeling vixen offering herself to me.
The two versions of her scrambled the two versions of me.
The right and the wrong.
The saint and the sinner.
The martyr and the monster.
“You’ve just been given the vote of approval by the one person I loved more than anyone,” she whispered. “My nana knows you’re a good person and I’m not letting you leave while you’re hiding and hurting and being utterly ridiculous. Tell me what you want, X. Tell me how you want me and I’m yours. An orgasm for an orgasm. Isn’t that how this game goes?”
I shook my head like a crazy person, trying to get my bearings. My cock went full mast. My balls drew up. My stomach clenched. All that lust, that longing, that lifelong denial of what I truly needed throttled me. “I can’t. I-I…shouldn’t.”
“Why shouldn’t you?”
“Because…” All reasons flew out of my head. All the excuses of being the good guy, the caring doctor, the kind friend. I was all of those things, but I was also more. I was lonely and angry and so full of goddamn need I couldn’t fucking see straight.
But I’m not Zander.
My breath caught in my lungs as I studied her on her knees.
It would be so easy.
All it would take was a single command.
Two little words I’d never be able to say as Zander but as X? With this mask on and hidden identity…why couldn’t I?
I was going to hell anyway.
I’d decided to make X take a flying leap off a cliff.
Come tomorrow, he would cease to exist, I’d block her number, and she would never know that she’d been fucked by her neighbor.
And I would carry this dirty, despicable secret for the rest of my life, reliving this afternoon over and over again, desperate to be this seen, this free, thiswanted.
I straightened slowly, sifting her hair through my fingers.
Her nostrils flared, looking at me from where she kneeled.
Without her blindfold, the connection between us reached another level. A soul-deep, heart-wrenching level and I lost.
I lost to her submission.