Page 181 of Texting Dr. Stalker

Every emotion I’d done my best to pretend wasn’t real raged into being. I’d shoved X out of my head and heart and replaced him with Zander. I’d baked my neighbor a vanilla sponge this morning to thank him for Peng but also because I was going to be brave and ask him out.

It might be too soon, and my triggers might still flare, and I might have unresolved feelings for another man, but…BUT…I was ready to move on and get out of this house and start living again.

X:You’re right. I shouldn’t still watch you. But I had to know you were okay.

Me:And you don’t think I deserve to know thatyou’reokay? You don’t think it’s cruel to barge into someone’s life, make them care, then vanish like you never existed?

X:I’m sorry.

Me:That’s it?

X:I don’t know what you want me to say.

Me:How about you tell me your name and where you live? Tell me why you went so cold? Tell me how you could be with me the way you were and then just disappear?

Angry tears pricked my eyes, but I didn’t let them fall.

Peng meowed again, headbutting my ankle. I wasn’t done. I sent another message.

Me:You said you had a crush on me, yet you walked away so easily. That makes me think you never felt anything toward me or you’re utterly heartless because no one who said those things and did what you did could walk away without a goodbye.

X:I agree on all those points. I’m not a good guy. I did warn you. I started watching you to keep you safe and by staying with you I put you in danger. I did the only thing I could.

Me:Do you honestly think I’m buying this nonsense? How did you put me in danger?

It took him a few minutes, but my phone finally vibrated.

X:I put you in danger because when I’m with you, I lose control. You make me become someone else. And after everything you’ve survived, no way could I ever do that to you.

Me:So you’re saying you’ll snap like that bastard did and strangle me to death?

X:No, of course not.

Me:You’re saying you’ll beat me black and blue just for talking to my neighbor?

X:Never. I’m not a lunatic.

Me:I kinda think you are actually, because if you wouldn’t strangle me or beat me, then how would you put me in danger?

X:Christ, don’t you get it? Do I have to be black and white with you?

Me:Yes. Be VERY black and white.

X:Fine. I can’t be around you because when I’m with you, I want you. I want you so fucking badly, and I honestly don’t know if I’d be able to stop myself.

A full-body shudder woke up every nerve ending and desire.

My heart burned like a comet.

My core clenched.

I grew wet and needy and angry. Very,veryangry that, for the first time in my life, I’d responded to a man the way I’d always hoped. He’d delivered pleasure in ways I’d only read about, and then he’d left because he thought I was a fragile little victim who would break if he let loose.

Stupid, idiotic man.

He sent another text while I stewed in lust so violent, so vicious, I snarled at nothing and paced the kitchen.

X:That night in your bedroom, when I helped you come for the first time, drove me into some pretty nasty places. I meant what I said when you’d be fucked five ways to Sunday and that isn’t how you should be treated.

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