Page 129 of Diamond Kisses

He blurted, “Did you love her?”

I froze. Protective anger billowed as I stared him down. “Who?”

“Don’t play that game. You know who I mean.” He never looked away. “Did youloveher?”

I wanted to tell him to fuck off, but I found myself confessing, “With every useless part of me.”

“Did she love you?”

“None of your fucking business.”

“It is my business, so answer the damn question. Did she love you in return?”

My chest imploded.

All I could see and hear and taste was Ily. The way she held me when I broke. The way she climaxed as we played. The way she accepted me…every miserable, murderous piece.

And now, she’s gone…

Baring my teeth, I snarled, “Doesn’t matter. She’s dead.”

Ah fuck, I almost went into cardiac arrest.

Iwantedto go into cardiac arrest.

It’ll save me from finishing it.

Glancing at the door, he bit his bottom lip as if problem-solving whatever little issue he had. Bracing his shoulders, he said, “Answer me. Did this girl—the same girl you tried to shoot yourself over—love you in return?”

“Screw you and screw your questions.” My temper reached its tipping point. “And before you ask for the hundredth time.Yes, alright. Yes, she loved me. I still don’t understand how or why, but she did. Thanks so fucking much for rubbing my face in the fact that she’s the only one who’s ever cared about me, and now she’s—”

“Did you hurt her?” He looked at his hands resting on his legs. “And before you refuse to answer, I will ask a second time. Did. You. Hurt. Her?”

It was my turn to stare at my hands. I gave up trying to ignore him. It would be quicker to answer him. A few intolerable moments of conversation and then I could finally have eternal peace. “I did.”

“Did you enjoy it?”

“Do you really need to ask me that?”

He shifted on the edge of my bed. “Did she forgive you?”

I sucked in a tattered breath. My eyes ached. “She didn’t just forgive me. She understood me.” I cleared my throat. “Sheacceptedme. She—” My voice cut off with a choke. I merely shook my head.

Q glanced at me, seeing whatever I couldn’t hide. Seeing my shame. My sorrow. And every moment I’d been cruel and abusive, all while Ily forgave me.

Finally, he asked gently, “Do you wish you’d died on that island? Are you angry with me for preventing you from pulling the trigger?”

I prepared to lie.

I couldn’t do it.

“You want the truth? I’m furious.” I clawed at the drip, ripping the needle out of my arm, unable to have it keeping me alive when I had no intention of doing so. “Actually, I’m fucking livid. But it’s fine. I’m fine. You can go find your wife and let me rest now. I’m done talking.”

A soft curse fell from his lips. “We might not know each other, Onn Ree, but…let me tell you that you can’t lie for shit. Apparently, when it comes to matters of the heart, I can’t either.”

“Onn Ree. Do you love her? Perhaps finger her and show her how much.”

Blocking my father’s voice out, a savage chill shot down my back. “Don’t call me that. It’s Henri.”

---