Page 100 of Indiscretion

“You know, I can barely fit in this thing anymore.” I crawled into the doghouse in Bailey’s yard. “It’s a good thing you have a Saint Bernard and not one of those little hot-dog dogs. And I guess the saying is true that dogs don’t shit where they sleep.”

Bailey stopped writing in her journal. “I’m pretty sure the saying is dogs don’t shit where theyeat, not sleep.”

I looked around. “There’s shit in here?”

She laughed. “No. Moose doesn’t poop in here either. He only comes in if it’s raining when Mom lets him out.”

I pointed to her notebook. “What are you writing about today?”

“Just my thoughts.”

“About what?”

“What it’s going to feel like to die.”

Heat rushed through me. “Shut up. Don’t say that.”

“Why?” She shrugged. “It’s going to happen, Dawson.”

“Obviously. I mean, we all die. But you’re saying it like it’s gonna happen next week.”

“Maybe not next week. But I’m not going to live to be old like you most likely will.”

Two weeks ago, Bailey had gotten her regular scans she did four times a year. They’d showed new tumors on her liver. She’d barely finished chemo on the ones she already had on her lungs.

I swallowed and changed the subject. “What do you want for your birthday next week? My mom’s been bugging me to find out.”

She tapped her pen against her lip. “Hmm… You know what I’d really like?”

“What?”

“You to write me a letter.”

My face wrinkled up. “About what?”

“Your feelings, what else?”

“Let me get this straight. You want me to write my feelings down and give them to you to read? So you can use it to what? Poke fun? No freaking way.”

Bailey smiled. “What if I promise I won’t read it?”

“Then why the hell would I write it?”

“Because it’s cathartic, dummy.”

“I think I’ll pass. What else do you want?”

“Nothing. That’s the only thing I want.”

“Come on. There’s gotta be something else. How about a charm or something? All the girls wear those bracelets with the charms that slip on.”

She lifted her wrist, showing me the friendship bracelet I’d made her two years ago. “This is the only one I need.”

I still wore the one she’d made me every day, too. Even if mine did sayasshole. “What about a new bicycle helmet?”

“After your ball-crushing incident? No thanks. I think I’m done with my bike.” She paused and looked me in the eyes. “I really want you to write me a letter. I think you need to learn how to express your feelings.”

I didn’t say it, but I’d recently gotten to feel up Allie Papadopoulos, and that was all thefeelingsI wanted to express. Though it was impossible for me to say no to Bailey, and she knew it. “Why are you such a pain in my ass?”

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