Page 123 of Indiscretion

“Pretty name.”

“She’s…amazing.” After I said it, I realized how insensitive it was. I turned to apologize, but Miriam smiled.

“You’re allowed to have an amazing girlfriend, Dawson. It doesn’t make my daughter any less amazing.”

I raked a hand through my hair. “Her sister has cancer.”

Miriam’s face fell. “I’m so sorry.”

I still couldn’t look Bailey’s mom in the eyes, but the words…the words needed to come out. My insides felt like a shaken bottle of champagne whose top had just popped off. There was so much pressure in my chest, so many bubbles rushing to the surface.

“It’s my fault Bailey died.”

Miriam stilled. “What are you talking about?”

“I was dating Allie Papadopoulos. We were together in the weeks before prom. She had mono, but I didn’t know it yet. Then the night of prom, Bailey wanted me to kiss her and…I gave it to her and she died.”

Miriam let out a big breath. “Oh, Dawson. It’s not your fault Bailey died. Her white blood count was so low those last few months it was practically nonexistent. Bailey was very, very sick.”

“But she could’ve had more time. Instead, she only had weeks.”

“Dawson, look at me. You did notkillBailey. In fact, I believe in my heart you were a big part of the reason she hung on as long as she did. Sheadoredyou, and that kiss you gave her on prom night made her feelnormal. I loved her with all of my heart, but I couldn’t give her what you gave her. I couldn’t make her forget about her illness and be a teenager.Youcould.Youdid. And for that, I will be eternally grateful to you.”

“But—”

“No, Dawson. There is nobut. Bailey had cancer. Her body was riddled with it. The chemo and radiation destroyed her immunity. She could’ve been in a bubble and she wouldn’t have made it. It was her time, sweetheart.”

Tears streamed down my face again. My legs shook, and it felt like I couldn’t hold my own weight any longer. I sank down to the floor, back sliding down the stainless-steel refrigerator, and covered my face with my hands as I sobbed.

Miriam sat down next to me and put an arm around my shoulder. She stroked my hair and whispered for me to let it out over and over again. When the crying finally stopped, she squeezed my shoulder. “Look at me again, Dawson.”

I lifted my head, resting it against the door behind me, and met her eyes.

“You did nothing wrong. Just the opposite. You were the sun on my daughter’s dark days. And you deserve happiness.”

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.

Miriam smiled. “Tell me about her. Who is this woman who was finally able to get through to Dawson Reed?”

“I want to let her in. I really do. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I don’t want to be alone. But I don’t know how to not be terrified.”

She smiled again. “Part of us is always terrified when we’re in love. Love makes us feel vulnerable in so many ways, and that’s scary. But it’s worth it. I promise.” She climbed to her feet and held out her hand. “Come with me. I want to show you something.”

I was emotionally and physically drained, yet I followed her through the house. When we got to Bailey’s bedroom door, I stopped. She opened it and held out a hand to me. “I want you to see what love can be.”

I hesitated but took her hand and let her guide me into Bailey’s bedroom. It looked different, bunk beds in the corner had replaced Bailey’s big bed that was always in the center, and Bailey’s pale pink walls were now lime green with hand drawn artwork hanging all over. I shook my head.

“I don’t understand. You redecorated her room?”

“It’s now Kristy and Kami’s room. They’re eight and identical twins. Six years ago, I decided to open my heart again, so I became a foster parent. I’m in the process of adopting them now.”

“Wow.”

She smiled and looked around. “It wasnoteasy changing things in Bailey’s room. I’d turned it into some sort of a mausoleum after she died. I would come in here and sit for hours. I felt like letting anyone else in here, into my heart, would mean replacing my Bailey. But my girl isn’t replaceable, and there’s enough room in my heart to love more than one child.”

I met Miriam’s eyes and nodded. I understood what she was trying to tell me, even if I couldn’t get out the words just yet.

“Hang on a second. I have some things that I believe belong to you. I moved a box into the attic when the twins moved in. Let me grab it.”

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