Page 50 of (Un)Spoken

I could have laughed at his admission, but seeing his face, I knew that would be the wrong answer. Here I was, being the worst friend on the face of the planet, and he wanted to talk to me because he thought he’d asked too much. It would have been so easy to tell him the truth, that seeing them was the best part of my days, that I’d gladly give up everything and more if it meant spending more time with Victoria and Emilia. Spending time with her might have started off as a favor to Cole, but it was the best thing to happen to me in years.

I shook my head. “Nah, you’re good. I like hanging out with them. Tori’s awesome, and Emilia’s funny as hell. I like helping out when I can.”

Cole inhaled slowly as he leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest. “Appreciate it, man. You know there aren’t many people I trust with my family, and you’re at the top of that list.”

Guilt ate through my chest, wanting nothing more than to stop him. Maybe his trust was misplaced, but I couldn’t bring myself to believe that. My intentions were good with Tori, more than they’d ever been in the past. And maybe I was diving in too fast, head first, but I didn’t know any other way to be around her. But just because I knew I wanted more than a fling with Tori didn’t mean Cole wouldbelieve me.

He shifted, sighing as he looked at the closed door. “I’m glad they have you. With Tori, I feel like we’re still walking on broken glass. One misstep, and all our progress is going to be for nothing. And now, I have even more to lose.” He pinched his brow. “I keep trying to make things right, but I’m fucking up at every turn.”

“You’re not fucking up.” I sighed. “Tori’s here, and this time, she brought Emilia. You’re getting to see them every day, getting to know your sister in a brand new way.”

“What are you trying to tell me, Adam?”

“I’m telling you to get the hell out of your head,” I said. “You’re so worried about messing up that you’re keeping your distance. Besides that first night, how many nights have you come over alone? Not with Alex, not with Marta, just you?” His frown was all the answer I needed. “Stop worrying about making a mistake and just enjoy this time with them. That’s all they need. You’ve come so fucking far, man. How do you not see that?”

He exhaled slowly. “I do. I know I’m doing better, and I’m so damn grateful for all the support I have. But that darkness is still in there, Adam. And I’m always afraid.Always. I’m afraid something’s gonna come along and rip this moment right out of my hands, like I don’t deserve it after everything I put you all through.”

I placed my hand on his shoulder, looking him directly in the eye. “You gotta stop punishing yourself for your past, Cole. None of us know what’s coming tomorrow. All we can do is make the most of what’s in front of us. Right here, right now. Your sister and niece are upstairs; that’s what matters.Theyare what matters.”

He let out a dry chuckle. “Shit, you’re right.”

“Why do you sound surprised?”

I expected him to join me in laughter, but instead, his stern gaze whipped to me. “And what about you?”

“What about me?” I shrugged.

“You’re giving great advice, but when are you going to take it?”

I choked on my spit, hating being called out on my hypocrisy. For months, I’d been just as stuck as he was, letting something lurking in my past take the joy out of my present. And while it still stung in the back of my mind, I was trying to move forward, especially with Tori. But Cole wouldn’t know that.

“I’m working on it,” I mumbled, looking down at my shoes. “It’s easier to give advice than to take it.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Cole chuckled. “But you’re slowly coming back to yourself. You think we don’t notice, but we do. It’s been nice to see you come out and join us in the real world again.”

“You missed me, buddy?”

“Don’t make it fucking weird.” Cole smirked. “But yeah, man, we all did. Whatever you’re doing that’s putting that smile back on your face, don’t let it go.”

I grinned to myself, knowing he’d probably hate me if he knew what exactly was making me so happy now. But instead of destroying the moment, I just nodded. “Trust me, I don’t intend to.”

Later that night,as I lay in my bed, I stared up at the ceiling, trying to forget Cole’s words. He was right—in many ways, I was pushing him to face his fears while I was still hiding from mine. I mean, shit, I acted like it was the end of the world to take off my hat and sunglassesand walk into town. After months of therapy, I thought I was making progress, but looking at it now, it seemed like I was barely treading water. Even Dr. Kedir seemed to be on Cole’s side. While I was taking small steps toward reclaiming my life, I was hesitant to step out of the comfort of my routine.

At least, until Victoria stepped into my life.

Being around her, pushing her to face her fears and reclaim some of her dreams, made me want to do the same. Maybe my dreams looked different than they had last year, but they were there. I just needed to push myself to chase them.

I sat up in bed, running my hand over my face. My reflection stared out at me, watching over the dresser as I pondered my next steps. All my life, I was told I was brave, too easygoing to ever let something get me down. And maybe part of that was true, but in reality, I’d never really had to overcome anything I couldn’t handle. Moving to LA was scary, but I’d done it without hesitation. Helping Cole with his sobriety was challenging and heartbreaking, but I never doubted he could do it. So why was I so quick to cower when an unseen force decided I was theirs to claim?

“Fuck it,” I hissed, climbing out of my bed. I wandered into the kitchen, grabbing a glass before filling it up with water from the sink. As I sipped it, I stared out the window, instantly checking the apartment above the lodge. Most of the lights had turned off hours ago, but one was on in the living room. Knowing Victoria, she was probably reading in her favorite armchair, tired but unwilling to give up those couple of hours of silence. Fuck, it was so tempting to go over there. When I was around her, all my problems seemed to disappear. She could soothe my fears with just her presence. But as much as I wanted the escape, that was mebeing selfish, especially when Emilia was asleep in the next room.

Turning around, my eyes found the small table on the side of the room. The pile of scripts was tucked against the wall, gathering dust each day. Without thinking, I stepped forward, finding the project that had been lurking in my mind. Thumbing through the pages once more, I started to imagine the scenes, to picture my marks and how I would play off my co-star. It was different from most of my other roles, grittier, darker, and that called to me, especially after the past year. I wasn’t the same guy who signed up for a multi-movie superhero franchise, and I didn’t want to play the same characters either.

Reading through the pages, mouthing the words to myself, I could feel it: the magic that lit my fire when I found a good project. My gut reaction hadn’t failed me before, and maybe it was time to trust it again. I walked back into the bedroom, dropping the script onto the bed before grabbing my phone from its charger. I pulled up my last conversation with Theo, snapping a picture of the script and sending him a message before I could back out.

ME

This dark cowboy project—is it still on the table?

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