Page 11 of (Un)Spoken

After dessert was served, we all sat around the table talking about Cole and Alex’s impending nuptials. While the wedding planner, who turned out to be Alex’s best friend, Calla, was taking care of most of the details, there were still a few things that needed to be decided. As Cole and Alex bickered over the appetizer options, I just sat back, loving how comfortable they were with each other.

When we drove up from Albany, I kept watching Cole, trying to see if this whole thing was a farce and if he was secretly hiding his darkness. After all, he’d been really good at fooling us in the past.

But here, with Alex, it was clear his happiness wasn’t a façade. It beamed out of him, making him seem younger somehow. He hadn’t been like this since high school, before his memories were tainted with pain and grief. For a brief moment, I could almost forget the fallout that led to our distance, could erase the years I couldn’t sleep, wondering if my brother was even alive.

The cool wave of resentment washed down my spine, making me sit up a little bit straighter. I hated that it wasso easy to knock me out of the moment, to take me back to the dark stages of my past. As much as I knew I needed to let it go, it wasn’t that easy. One afternoon could never replace years of hurt.

As my mother excitedly talked about Alex using some of her jewelry as her something borrowed, I cleared my throat. “Excuse me. I have to make a quick phone call.”

No one seemed to notice my absence—except Adam. His eyes immediately darted to me as I stood, watching as if he could read my mind. And maybe he could. I was never one with a good poker face, but I was trying like hell not to let those feelings show.

As I walked down the hall toward the powder room, I took a right turn instead, walking through the kitchen and out the side door. As I stepped outside, closing the door to the chatter inside, it was like I could take a full breath again.

Letting my feet guide me, I walked down a pebble path leading toward a fire pit at the back of the house. It was surrounded by four chairs, perfect for late-night conversations and cookouts. But that wasn’t what caught my eye. No, it was the view of the lake, the sun starting to set below the tree line. Watching the still water, I let the calm, serene air wash over me, brushing away all my stress. The questions I didn’t know how to answer, the future plans that were still so far up in the air, the guilt I felt every time I lied to the group of people inside, every time I didn’t divulge the most significant piece of my life. Emilia was at the forefront of my mind all the time, but it was especially challenging today. To pretend she didn’t exist felt like a slight against my nature, an unimaginable life where she wasn’t the center of it.

But I was making the right choice, wasn’t I? My job as a parent was to protect my daughter at all costs, and I neededto be sure before I brought anyone else into her life. She’d gone through four years of changes already, and if Cam’s baseball career panned out as he hoped, we’d all be moving again next year. Because while he loved playing for the minor league back home, we all knew it was only a matter of time until he got the call to move up to the next level, hopefully, sooner rather than later.

“Thought I’d find you out here.”

I jumped at the sound of Adam’s voice behind me. My hand flew to my chest, trying to calm my now-frantic heartbeat.

He placed a hand on my shoulder as he joined me at the edge of the lake. “Sorry, thought you heard me coming up behind you. Promise I’m not doing it on purpose.”

“Debatable.” I smirked up at him. “They sent you to make sure I was still here?”

“I volunteered,” he answered. “Cole wanted to come, but I thought it’d be better if it was someone more neutral.” He glanced down at me. “How are you holding up, kid?”

“I’m fine,” I answered, but the shake in my voice betrayed me.

“Bullshit,” Adam chuckled. “What’s going through your head, Victoria?”

I exhaled slowly, unsure if I should spill everything to Adam. He’d proven a long time ago that he was good at keeping secrets, that he’d have my back if needed. But that would ask him to betray Cole, to keep a massive secret from his best friend. And as much as it would take some of the weight from my shoulders, it wasn’t fair to place it on someone else’s.

Another lie sat on the tip of my tongue, but as I met Adam’s understanding gaze, I couldn’t do it. There was something hidden behind his kind smile, a small tell that hewasn’t as perfectly happy as everyone seemed to think. I had to clench my fist to keep from reaching out to him, to take some of that pain out of his eyes. It wasn’t my place to ask about his worries, not when we were practically strangers now, but I recognized his pain. Even if it wasn’t the same as mine, it was the spark of a connection I wasn’t expecting.

“I’m trying to take in everything,” I quietly admitted. “As much as I love seeing Cole like this, it’s hard to believe it. I keep waiting for the shoe to drop, to see that this is all an illusion. Because after years of not having my brother in my life, the idea of letting him back in only to be crushed again…” I glanced up at the sky, trying to keep my eyes from tearing up.

“Hey…” Adam said, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into his chest. His warm, woodsy scent soothed me, like a comforting embrace I never knew I needed. “I know it’s hard to let go of the past, and I’m not saying you automatically should. It took me a long time to stop checking on Cole—to make sure he wasn’t in some ditch somewhere. But this isn’t like before. He’s been sober for years, Tor. He’s got a sponsor, a system that has his back. And not to mention,” he looked back at the house, “he’s got everything to lose now. He’s not going to fall back off that path. And if he ever does fumble, he has the tools and people to catch him.”

And as much as his words helped, they also poked at a frayed nerve, one I’d never dare to give life.Why weren’t we enough? Why wasn’tIenough?I knew Cole had been through a lot, that he had turned to unhealthy coping mechanisms when he felt like his world was crumbling, but he still had a family. He still had people who loved him. Why weren’t we enough for him to take these steps earlier? Whatwould our relationship look like if we’d never had years of distance between us?

Adam reached down and tipped my chin up. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

He smiled, and it sucked the air from my lungs. “Don’t waste time wondering why. You’ll drive yourself crazy. One thing I learned when I went to Al-Anon is that you can’t spend your life resenting the person for not getting sober when they could. Just be grateful they’re sober now and that you still have them in your life.”

“Al-Anon?”

“Yeah…” Adam sighed as he took a step away from me. “It’s a support group for family members and friends of alcoholics. I went a few times when Cole was out in LA with me.”

My jaw dropped. “I…I didn’t know you did that.”

“I didn’t tell anyone else,” Adam chuckled, hiding his discomfort. “Those first few months he stayed with me after rehab, I was scared shitless, Tor. I wanted to be there for him but had no fucking idea where to start. The meetings helped.” I nodded, wishing I had thought of that sooner. Adam smiled at me. “They have a support group here. I could go with you if you want.”

I backed out of his hold to face him fully. “But I’m only here for a week.”

Adam smiled at me like he knew something I didn’t. “Offer stands.”

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