Page 66 of (Un)Planned

After dropping off the order, I glanced up at the clock. Only a few more minutes, and I could go home and crash. So much for finishing my book tonight—just when the freaking enemies were about to become lovers. That bigrevelation would have to wait until tomorrow, because I was barely hanging on. I would barely have time to strip off my uniform before crashing into bed.

I dropped off my last check to Marta at the register, propping my head on my hand as I waited for change. She chuckled. “It’s a lot to get used to.”

“I’m good.” I waved off her concern. “Just need to invest in a better pair of sneakers.” I pointed to my flats. “These are pinching my toes something awful.”

“Good call.” She placed the bills in front of me. “Oh, and before I forget, you’re probably going to be seeing Gray around here more often. He’s going to be moving home for a little bit.”

“Really?” I asked, my face rearing back in surprise. “But it’s mid-season…and I thought he had a couple more years on his contract.” At least, that’s what I’d seen when Theo was looking over it. The memory blew through my chest, leaving a wrecking ball-sized hole where my lungs used to be. That day in the diner was one of the first times Theo let me in, let me see the man hiding underneath his cocky exterior. It was when I started to fall in love with him.

Marta shook her head, pulling me out of her daze. “Decided to retire early. There’s some personal stuff going on, so he decided to come home for a bit.” She smiled brightly. “As much as I loved watching my boy live his dream, I sure did miss him. It’ll be good to have him here.”

“I think so too. I’m going to drop this off and head out unless you need anything else.”

“Nope.” Marta leaned in to give me a tight squeeze. “Get your butt home and get some rest, kiddo. We’ll see you next week.”

I darted out of the restaurant quickly, heading home as fast as possible. My pores would hate me tomorrow, but Iwas even willing to forgo a shower to get to bed quicker. Maybe tonight was the night I’d get a full eight hours. I couldn’t even remember the last time that happened. By the time I got the door to my apartment open, I was downright giddy.

I dropped my purse on the counter, counting out the tips I’d gotten. Not too bad for a weeknight. I placed half in my savings jar while sliding the other in an envelope to take to the bank. When my courses were done, I’d need some capital to start my business, so hopefully whatever I made from the restaurant would cover my expenses. The one negative of waitressing was that the money could be inconsistent, so I wanted to make sure I wasn’t dipping into my savings too much.

After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I walked into my bedroom, prepared to drop right onto the mattress. But before I could, a knock sounded on the door.

My brow furrowed, glancing at my phone to see if I had any missed calls or texts. Nothing. I walked to the door, opening it slightly to poke my head out. When I saw who was standing on the other side, I pulled it open all the way, my mouth gaping.

“Mom?”

FORTY

“Mom?” I asked as I stared out my doorway, unsure if I trusted the sight in front of me. I had no idea that my mother even knew I was in town, much less where I lived. She looked so out of place standing in my apartment, and the way she clutched her purse to her arm made it clear she was as uncomfortable as I was.

She cleared her throat, adjusting her jacket. “Can I come inside?”

Still in shock, I nodded, stepping aside to let her in. I instantly cringed when she looked around the apartment, mentally preparing for a critique. Was that why she’d come here? To drag me back, kicking and screaming?

I crossed my arms around my middle. “What are you doing here?”

“I heard that you were back in town, and I wanted to make sure you were all right.” She turned, a rare vulnerability flashing over her features. “This place is cute.”

“Mom,” I groaned, rubbing a hand over my eyes. “What is this? Even when we were speaking, you’d never stop by late at night, so please, tell me why you’re here.”

“I miss you.” She said it so simply, like it should have been my logical conclusion, but the thought never even crossed my mind. I dropped down to the couch, hoping that she would take the hint and join me. After running a hand over the surface, she sat down at my side. While I fully sank into the material, my mother sat on the edge, as if afraid my couch would swallow her up. I would have laughed, but it was hard to focus on anything except the way she was staring holes into the side of my head.

“Why now?” I asked, turning to face her. “We haven’t spoken in months, and in case you forgot, the last time we saw each other was a disaster. So if you came here to rehash all that stuff, please, just go. I’m too tired to deal with anything else from you right now.”

“I know,” she sighed, rubbing her temples with her fingers. “The last time I saw you, I was…hurt. I’d convinced myself I was doing what was best for you. But after that dinner, seeing how much you had grown without me? How much of your life I’d missed? I realized that all I’d done was push you away.” She reached over, taking my hand in hers. “I don’t care what you decide to do in life, Calla, just as long as you’re happy and I get to be a part of it. I can’t excuse any of my past behavior, but I am trying, and I am going to do better for you and your sisters. I’ve started seeing a therapist and she’s helping me work through my need for control. And I know I have a long way to go, but I thought you should know that your words hit their mark. I want more out of my life, and it starts with a better relationship with you girls, especially you, Calla.”

My eyes clouded with tears as I gently took my hand from hers. “Mom, I want nothing more than to say okay and make things better, but it’s not that simple. You talk about repairing our relationship, but you don’t realize that you’vebeen breaking it down foryears. Every time I’m around you, I’m bracing myself, waiting for the passive-aggressive comments, for you to try to manipulate me into following your lead.” I inhaled slowly. “I can’t do that anymore, Mom. I won’t. As much as I want you in my life, you need to change for yourself, because youwantto be a better person. It can’t be about me, because I’m not ready to have you in my life, at least not right now.” A lone tear dropped from my eye, and I rushed to wipe it away before she saw.

But instead of admonishing me for showing my emotions, my mom lifted her thumb, brushing it away. I finally looked up and saw tears forming in her eyes as well. It broke down that final wall in my heart, and there was one question at the center.

“Why wasn’t I enough?” My voice cracked. “Why couldn’t you just love me as I am?”

“You’ve always been enough,” my mother answered. “It’s me. I’m the one who let you down.” She inhaled slowly. “What do you remember about your father?”

“Not much,” I admitted. “Little bits and pieces like a photo album. And his laugh.”

“He had the best laugh.” She smiled fondly at her hand. Looking down, I saw her old wedding ring from my father on her right hand, and she was toying with it when she spoke. “Your father was the love of my life. We met when I was sixteen, and I knew I’d never love anyone else as much as him.” She exhaled, staring out at the window. “When he died, he took a part of me with him. It was easier to keep everyone at a distance, to be cold, than to risk any sort of pain like that again. It changed me for the worse.”

“It changed all of us!” I stood, needing to work off some of the excess energy now coursing through my veins. “I was five years old, Mom. Five! I’d just lost my dad, andthen my mom went from my hero to being the villain. We were all hurting. We were all broken! But instead of healing together, you pushed everyone away, turning into a fucked-up version of a Stepford wife.”

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