“What do you mean?”
“This act. Constantly pretending you have it all together. Don’t you just want to scream that everything is not perfect?” I sighed, watching as her eyes widened in shock. “All of my life, you’ve tried to make me into someone I’m never going to be. I’m done, Mom. I love you, and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but until you can accept who I am, flaws and all, I don’t want to see you.”
“Calla…” Her voice cracked, and she dropped her gaze down to her hands. “I know these last few months have been difficult.”
“That’s the thing, Mom,” I said. “They haven’t. I thought when you kicked me out, my entire world wasfalling apart, that I’d be forced to come running back to you. But I figured it out, and I’ve made a life for myself that I love. Without you in it.” I grabbed my purse from the entry bench, looking at her one last time as I pressed the button for the elevator. “I want you to be happy, Mom, but I want to be happy too. And it seems we can’t have it both ways.” The doors opened, and I stepped inside. “So I need to choose me.”
I foundmyself in front of Theo’s apartment, barely even thinking twice when I told the cab driver the address. Not for a moment did I think about going home. Maybe it was too soon, but this already felt more like my home as opposed to my room in Devyn’s apartment.
After all the shit that today had brought, I needed grounding, the kind that only Theo could provide. A night in his arms would soothe away all the bumps and bruises of the past few hours, making me feel whole again.
As if he knew I was approaching, Theo came rushing out of the building at the exact moment I tried to push the doors open, almost colliding with me. As I took a step back, his strong arms grabbed me, keeping me from landing on the nasty sidewalk.
“Shit, baby,” Theo said, holding me out to check me over. “Did I get you?”
“Nope.” I offered him a shaky smile. “Are you heading somewhere? I can head back to my apartment if you–”
“No.” Theo shook his head. “I was coming to get you. Devyn texted that something had gone down, but I was in the shower, so I didn’t get it until now.” He stared down at me. “Are you okay? What did your mom do?”
“Nothing she hasn’t done a thousand times before,” I sighed. “But this time, I didn’t put up with it. I’ll probably die of embarrassment about my actions tomorrow, but tonight, it felt so fucking good to say what I’ve wanted to for years.”
“I bet it did.” Theo smiled down at me. “I’m proud of you, Calla.”
“It was because of you,” I admitted quickly, feeling the color rush to my cheeks. You gave me the strength to say no, to not accept anything less than I deserve.” I placed my hands around his neck, pulling him down closer to me. “You are a good man, Theo, and finding you is the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
Theo sighed, but his smile felt off, like it was painful to hear those words come from my mouth. Alarm bells rang out in my head, already on edge because of earlier. I placed my hand on his cheek. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Theo said. “It's been a long afternoon with the partners, and my energy is spent. But I’m happy you’re here.”
His words didn’t ring true, but I couldn’t bring myself to question him, not when I was already feeling so raw. Selfishly, I needed him to hold me up right now, and I didn’t want to think about anything that could come between us.
But as he led me up to his apartment, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was about to do precisely that.
THIRTY-FIVE
As Calla stepped into the shower to wash the remnants of the day away, I sat in my bedroom, holding my head in my hands. Ever since Allen brought up the promotion, my mind had been spinning, trying to figure out how to get everything I wanted. But no matter what, I’d have to choose.
For the first hour, it felt like an insurmountable decision to choose between the woman I loved and the career I’d fought so hard for. Even though she wasn’t here to witness it, I felt like I was betraying my mother's dreams, throwing all her sacrifices back at her. She’d wanted me to succeed, and this promotion was the next step. However, as much as I craved for it to be a straightforward choice, it never would be. Not when it meant potentially losing Calla.
I planned on talking to her about it, but when I saw her face after the dinner, all I wanted was to hold her, to tell her everything would be alright, even though I didn’t know if that was true. And maybe I’d regret it one day, but at that moment, I knew I would choose her over anything else. Work would come and go, spitting me out at the first possible inconvenience. Calla, however, had already proventhat she was at my side. The least I could do was return the favor as she worked through these issues with her family.
Besides, I liked living in New York, liked the team I was leading. Maybe it wasn’t going to place my name on the letterhead, but it was a job I’d be happy to keep for a long time.
As Calla emerged from the shower, wrapped in a white terry cloth towel, the decision cemented in my mind. This was the life I wanted. She walked over to me, standing between my legs. She ran her hand through my hair, smiling softly down at me. “What’s going through that mind of yours?”
I peered up at her and, once again, the words were on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to tell her I loved her, to promise her that my heart would always be hers, but yet again, the timing failed me. This night was not the night for bold declarations, not when her mind was already so frazzled with thoughts of her mother and the fallout of her actions. Instead, I’d show her my love with quiet declarations, show her how much she meant to me without words.
My fingers teased the knot of her towel, letting it fall to her feet. Seeing her body bare in front of me made my cock harden in my pants, but there would be time for that later. Placing my hands on her hips, I pushed her back slightly, enough to get past her and to my dresser. I grabbed one of my shirts and pulled it over her head, loving how it barely grazed the tops of her thighs. She furrowed her brow, clearly unsure what was happening. I held my hand out. “Come with me.”
“That’s what I thought we were doing,” Calla muttered to herself before placing her palm in mine.
I chuckled, leading her across the hall into my barely-used office. I’d planned this surprise earlier, thinking itwould be a great segue into telling her how I felt. But now, it would stand alone, hopefully enough for her to read the meaning into it.
Looking into the space, I was flooded with memories of lonely nights, hunched over my computer screen, a time before a certain redhead had crashed into my life and made me re-examine all my priorities. Now, this office was barely used, almost like a relic of my past life. I thought coming in here would have been a sharp reminder of what I once wanted, but all it did was reinforce the choices I’d made. I looked at Calla over my shoulder. The choices that had led me to her.
She walked over to the bookcases, touching the now empty shelves. “What is this?”
“You were running out of room for your books at Devyn’s.” I leaned back against the wall, watching her. “I thought you could bring some here.”