Page 84 of (Un)Expected

“Fuck,” he snapped, pulling out of my grasp. “You never should have been in that position, Alex! Now, that’s all I can see—that fucking bastard’s hands on you.”

Hearing the defeat in his voice almost shattered me. I was barely holding it together myself, but I needed to be strong, not only to prove to Cole that I was okay, but to prove it to myself. Three years ago, I would have cowered under Nate’s rage, letting him drag me away from the party without so much as a word. This time, he was unprepared for me, didn’t think that I would fight back so viciously.

I pulled Cole’s arm, trying to get him back into the bed, but he shook his head. “I shouldn’t be here, Alex. You need rest. And space from me.” He motioned down to his crotch, his dick at full attention. “And I can’t control myself when you’re pressed up against me.”

“I like that you can’t control yourself.”

“You shouldn’t be treated like that, Alex. You need someone–”

“Stop, Cole.” My voice came out harsher than I intended, but I was not about to let him spiral into treating me like a porcelain doll. “Please don’t treat me differently now. I like that you want me so badly. It makes me feel treasured.” I shook my head, looking up at the ceiling. “After I left Nate, it took me a long time to look in the mirror. Every time I did, all I would see was some weak girl who fell for an abusive narcissist. It’s taken years to shake away that image. It would kill me if that was how you saw me too.”

Cole turned so quickly, I tumbled over, landing on my back against the mattress. He pressed on top of me, and for the briefest second, I panicked. But then, looking up into his intense stare, all my fear faded away. Even with his body hovering over mine, I knew Cole would rather die than hurt me.

“You are not weak,” he said insistently. “You survived him. You ran and started a brand-new life for yourself without help from anyone. When I look at you, that’s who I see: the same woman who makes me want to pull my hair out, who also makes me want to kissher until I can’t breathe. You’re demanding, stubborn, and so fucking beautiful, it hurts to look at you sometimes. I see you, Alex. Don’teverquestion that, not for a minute.”

I quietly nodded, not able to do anything against the conviction of his words. It was intoxicating, having someone believe in me so much. He saw the strength I doubted, and it made me want to be that woman, the one he saw, the one he believed I was.

So I did the hardest thing in the world.

“I want to tell you about it. Why I left.”

Cole stared at me for a long moment, as if appraising my words for any hesitation. When I showed no sign of flinching, he leaned away, shifting his back against the headboard. He reached out and pulled me to his side, laying me against his chest so his fingers could run through my tangled hair. It was entirely too comfortable, almost enough to lull me to sleep.

I’d been battling with these memories for too long, and I needed to let them go.

“I met Nate when I was an intern at his company,” I started. “My college arranged for groups of seniors to go every year to make connections so we would have a leg-up after graduation. I was there for almost a month when I got called to the conference room, and Nate was standing there. I was in awe when he asked me to help him look over some documents. After all, who the hell was I? I was an undergrad business major, and he oversaw a multi-billion-dollar corporation.

“That was the first time we met, and I was…shit, I was infatuated. He kept asking for my help on different projects, and I felt so special. This guy wanted my feedback.Mine.It was one of those late nights when he finally kissed me for the first time.”

I could feel Cole clench underneath me, so I spared the details of that evening, skipping ahead to when things started to change. “I knew we had to keep our relationship a secret at work. He fed me some story about not being able to be seen with me outside the office either. When it was the two of us, he’d promise me the world. AfterI graduated, he got me a job in his office, saying he wanted me as part of his team. In reality, he wanted to keep an eye on me.”

“Was that when…” Cole started to say then cut himself off.

“No,” I answered quickly. “That didn’t start until I moved in. We had only been dating a couple of months, but he was insistent, said he wanted to wake up with me every morning. He told me his father owned his apartment and had rules about having other people officially live there, so he purchased a smaller one for me, on a lower floor in the same building. At first, I was so excited. I was convinced we would live happily ever after.”

“But that’s not what happened.”

“Not by a long shot,” I sighed. “About a month after I moved in, I stayed late to help another team member with a new marketing campaign. When I got home, Nate was furious. He kept asking me what happened, if I was sleeping around behind his back. When I said some snarky comment about being his little secret, he, um.” I paused, trying to keep my voice from cracking. “He backhanded me across the face.” I closed my eyes, unable to shake away the memory of the sting of his hand against my skin, the way my knees bruised when I fell to the floor, him standing over me, screaming to show him every inch of my body to prove that no other man had touched what was his.

“That was the first time. The next morning, it was like a switch flipped, and he was so apologetic, telling me he was afraid he was going to lose me,” I whispered, reaching up to brush a few stray tears from my eyes. “And stupidly, I believed him. I bought all his promises that it would never happen again. After that, we were happier than ever. He was back to the doting, caring guy I first met. Then, something else happened at work, and…” I closed my eyes, trying to remind myself that I was safe. Cole’s arms tightened around me, silently letting me know I wasn’t alone. Not anymore. “It kept happening. The same pattern of him losing his temper and then apologizing profusely for it after. I was too ashamed to leave, to tell people that I was letting this happen to me. Not only did I allow myself to become lost in his world, I let him hurt me, and I convinced myself that I deserved it, that I was the one upsetting him. I started doing everything he asked, hoping that if I made him happy, we would be back to what we once were.”

Cole’s fingers glided onto my chin, tilting it so I was looking up at him. “You got out.” I nodded, dropping my gaze. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to?—”

“I thought I was pregnant.” I winced when the words came out. “Nate was very strict about my birth control, but there were a few days when I was too hurt to take my pills. He must not have noticed. So, when my period was late, my mind went to dark places.” I swallowed, forcing myself to continue. “Luckily, I wasn’t. Instead, it was the wake-up call I needed. I needed to get out, because that could have been my future, if he didn’t kill me first. I refused to bring a child into the world with that monster.

“The next morning, when he went to work, I packed up two bags and got the hell out of there. The only thing left in my name was my Jeep, so I drove, no destination in mind, far enough away where he wouldn’t look for me.

“It wasn’t until I got to Saint Stephen’s Lake that I finally took a breath. I pulled the Jeep up along the beach, parked, and justcried. I didn’t even know how long—probably for hours. I was planning on moving on, but I stopped into the Lost Tavern for a quick bite. The minute I sat down, Marta spotted me. I think she could tell I needed a friend at that moment, because she and Curt instantly took me in as one of their own. They even let me sleep in their guest room for the first couple of weeks. Without her, without Javi and Calla, I don’t know where I’d be now. Because of them, I found a home.”

I shifted shyly, meeting Cole’s eyes for the first time since starting my story. I was worried that I’d see something in his gaze: worry, concern, or even worse—pity. There was none, though, only the same admiration he’d always shown when he looked at me. Withoutanother word, he leaned down, lightly brushing my lips with his own. “I’m so fucking proud of you, Alex.”

“Don’t be,” I laughed sardonically. “I should have left after the first time he hit me.”

“You left,” Cole said, his fingers trailing along the line of my jaw. “That’s all that matters. You got out.”

The simple affirmation made my cracked and bruised heart beat stronger in my chest. I needed to release those words, needed to share my story so I could let go of it once and for all. I hated the idea of being defined by my past, but that wasexactlywhat I’d been doing: holding back from forming new connections to keep from getting into that situation again.

Looking at Cole in the moonlight, a wave of adoration washed over me. I loved him. It wasn’t a conscious choice, not a moment I could put my finger on. No, it was in all the small moments, the seemingly meaningless conversations. It was all the things people forget about, not the grand gestures: cooking dinner together, curling up at the fire pit, hell, even helping Curt and Marta fix their older-than-dirt truck.

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