Page 55 of Mass Sins

“I know. I’m not upset about that. Though…it is a bit weird knowing you had sex with my sister before.” She looked up at me and smiled tightly. “You’re not the reason why I’m crying.”

I placed my right hand on her cheek and leaned in to kiss her. “I’m glad. I’m still sorry. I can’t imagine how you feel.”

“It’s okay. I just wished Alexis was different. Nicer. Kinder. I think if things would’ve been different, she would’ve been different too.”

“What kind of things?”

She shrugged. “Me being sick. Maybe if I never had cancer, Alexis wouldn’t have become like this. Maybe then…she wouldn’t have felt so left out.”

“How old was Alexis the first time you got sick?”

“Twenty. I was eight.”

“I see. And how has she reacted the first time you got diagnose?”

Bennie shrugged. “I think the first time she was worried. But then…the more time I spent at the hospital, the less time Dad spent time with her. And that’s when it all started. That’s when she became distant. She was in college, so I know she had other things that needed her attention.”

I pulled her closer, letting her lean into my chest as she sighed. Her fingers intertwined with mine in her lap, her grip tight.

“It’s not your fault, you know,” I said softly. “You didn’t ask to get sick.”

“I know,” she murmured. “But sometimes it feels like everything that went wrong with our family started with me. And Alexis never forgave me for it.”

I turned my head to look down at her and our gazes met. “She made her own choices, Bennie. You didn’t turn her into that person. She did that all on her own.”

Her lips trembled again. “You really think so?”

“I know so. And I think she knows it too, deep down. But she doesn’t want to face it.”

Bennie let out a soft laugh, wiping her eyes. “Maybe. Or maybe she just hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you,” I said firmly. “She’s angry. And bitter. But hate? No. That would means she doesn’t care at all. And if that were true, she wouldn’t have come tonight just to stir up trouble.”

She looked back down to our hands. “You think she’ll ever change?”

“I think she could. But only if she wants to. And right now, I don’t think she does.”

There was silence around us for a few moments before Bennie spoke again. “It’s just hard to let go, you know? She used to be my hero when I was little. I thought she was the coolest person. She was so strong and fun. And now…it’s like she’s a completely different person.”

I squeezed her hand. “People change, Bennie. Sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. But that doesn’t mean you have to stop loving them. It just means you have to protect yourself.”

She looked up at me, her eyes searching mine. “How do I do that?”

I smiled softly. “By surrounding yourself with people who love you the way you deserve to be loved. And by remembering that no matter what Alexis says or does, it doesn’t define you.”

She nodded slowly. “Okay. You’re right.”

“I usually am,” I teased, earning a small laugh from her. It was a good sound. A healing sound.

We said like that for a while, holding each other until the weight of this evening’s events washed away.

Eventually, I felt her breathing steady, her body relaxing against mine. “I love you, Joska.”

“I love you too, Bennie.”

As we sat there, I silently promised myself that no matter what happened next, I would protect her. From Alexis. From her past. From anything that threatened to steal her peace.

Because she deserved happiness. And I was going to make sure she got it.

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