Page 48 of Mass Sins

When he began to speak, his voice carried a soothing authority. He preached about love and forgiveness, and I tried to use his words to understand my current feelings. It was clear to me that Joska was including stories from scripture that fit my situation. He was talking to everyone, but he intentionally talked about things that affected me.

It made me feel special, but the deeper his words went, the more overwhelmed I felt.

Mass continued, and I found myself relaxing as Joska moved through the familiar rituals. His presence up there was magnetic, blending charisma with a calm sincerity that madeit impossible not to pay attention. Watching him, I realized I wasn’t the only one who admired him deeply.

The only difference was, he only adored me back.

People began to get up after the final hymn, but I stayed in my seat. I had no reason to rush. I watched Joska as he shook hands with people near the altar, exchanging kind words and blessings. His face lit up with genuine warmth as he connected with each of them. He was truly a good man, despite all the darkness he hid from them.

That’s what made him so exciting to me.

When the crowd had cleared, he caught my eye and nodded me to him.

I got up and walked down the aisle to meet him by the altar, and once I got to him, he took my hands and lifted them to his lips to kiss my fingers. “Did you survive it?” he asked softly as he lowered my hands again.

I gave a small laugh. “Barely. You’re a pretty great preacher, though. I can see why people come back every Sunday.”

“I’m glad you came today. It means a lot to me that you stayed and saw this side of me.”

“Of course. And…I needed to hear what you said.” I glanced at him, feeling the weight of what I was about to admit. “But I fear it made me realize where I stand with God now.”

Joska nodded, his brows furrowing. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Although we were in the right place for that, I didn’t want to talk about it just yet. “Not now,” I said, smiling at him.

“Okay. Just know that faith isn’t a straight line. It’s okay to question, to step back and reevaluate. God isn’t going anywhere, and neither am I.” He squeezed my hands and pulled me closer. “You don’t have to figure it all out today, Bennie.”

The warmth of his arms around me grounded me. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and wrapped my arms around him tightly. “Thank you, Joska. For wanting to help and for being there for me.”

“Of course. Nothing I’d rather do. Although…” he cut himself off with a chuckle. “There is one thing I’ve been thinking about doing since I stepped onto the altar earlier.”

I pursed my lips and looked up at him. “What is it?”

He lifted his hands and cupped my cheeks, tilting my head back as his eyes wandered all over my face. “I’ve had this fun vision of us…fucking on this altar.”

My eyes went wide and my lips parted. I choked on my words when I tried to speak, surprised by his idea. “W-what?”

“You heard me, sweetheart. I want to fuck you. Right up there.”

A nervous laugh came out of me. “You’re joking, right? What about…God?”

“What about him?”

“You…we—” Another laugh escaped me, shaking my head. “You just preached on that altar to about a hundred people.”

“I sure did. And now I want to fuck you on it.” He wasn’t joking. He was being dead-serious.

My heart was racing, and I looked around, unsure if a church was the right place to have sex in. Even if it excited me, I didn’t want to get caught—or have him get caught.

“What if someone comes in? The doors aren’t locked.”

He moved his hands down to my waist, pulling me closer again before cupping my ass. “That adds to the thrill of it. Besides…everyone’s eating lunch now. Nobody will come back in. Trust me on that.”

I did trust him, but I didn’t trust others.

I studied him closely, unsure if I should give in to him.

Narrowing my eyes, I looked at him with a serious expression. “If we get caught, it won’t be my fault if you get fired from this job.”

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