Page 13 of Mass Sins

I decided later on that it was no one’s fault, and the more time passed, the more we got along. I loved my sister, but she did keep her distance from us, especially now that she had a husband.

“I’m sure she’s just busy, Dad,” I told him with a tight smile.

“Doesn’t matter what she is. A simple text telling me that she’s okay is all I need. Anyway, Let’s not talk about your sister. Only makes me moody.”

We quickly changed the subject, and we somehow ended up talking about that hot priest Sin introduced me to. Joska had been on my mind the past two days, and while he intrigued me, and definitely made something in me flutter, I was still unsure if texting him was a good idea.

“So he’s a priest?” Dad asked Sin after she had told him a little more about Tabor’s brother.

“Yes, at the St. Augustine’s Church here in town.”

“And your intention was to have him meet Bennie to potentially date her?”

“No, my intention was for them to talk. I know Bennie has had some worries about her faith, and so I figured they could maybe talk. And they did talk on Saturday,” Sin explained to Dad.

“Ah.” He looked at me with a raised brow. “And did he restore your faith?”

I pursed my lips and shook my head. “Not really. I mean, it was a strange conversation. It felt like I had made him question his own faith after we were done talking.”

“Damn. What did you tell him?” Dad looked amused. He didn’t care much about churches and religion anymore. He wasn’t one to talk badly about a person for being religious, because he had been one of them before, but he didn’t bother with all of that anymore.

“I just told him about my situation. That I wasn’t so sure I could trust God again not to make me sick again. You know, things like that.”

“And what did he say to that?”

“He said he wasn’t so sure I could trust God in that sense again either.” Saying that out loud finally made me realize that even priests weren’t always sure of their beliefs.

Dad laughed out loud. “That’s just perfect. Can’t imagine someone like that being a priest. Sure he is one?” he asked Sin.

She puckered her lips to hold back a grin. Sin wasn’t religious. Never had been, but she was still supportive and she would never judge anyone based on a person’s religion. Still, it wasn’t easy to defend Joska in this situation.

“He’s been a priest for more than half of his life. But…” She stopped, side-eyeing me with an unsure expression on her face.

“But what? You did that on Saturday too. You were going to say something but then you stopped. What is it?” I needed her to tell me. She knew something, but she clearly didn’t want to tell me. But what was so bad that she couldn’t tell me?

“Nothing. I guess I’m just questioning Joska myself,” she said with a nervous laugh.

There was more to that, but I decided not to squeeze it out of her with Dad in the room.

“Don’t worry about it too much, sweetheart. It’s normal to question your beliefs. I did it, and ever since, I’ve never been happier with my life.”

“You mean that I should just stop believing in God?”

Dad got up from the table and looked down at me with a shake of his head. “I’m just saying that you can believe in whatever you want. God, the church, a tree, King Kong. In the end, life is life. You never know what happens, and there can’t be a God directing your life because you’ll never be happy with it anyway. You have to direct your own life. You’ve been through more shit in your twenty-five years of life than most people my age have, and the only one who’s truly helped getting you out of all that was you. By fighting like a badass.”

I get what he was saying, and he had a point.

But it was hard to let go of something that was in my life all these years.

I took a deep breath and lowered my gaze to my hands, unsure what to say.

Dad leaned in to kiss the top of my head, with his hand cupping my neck. “I love you, kid. Know that. And if you ever want to talk, I’m right here.”

“I know. Love you too, Dad.” I gave him a hug, and once I let go, he went on to get rid of the empty pizza boxes.

Sin and I got up as well, and I smiled while she said bye to Dad. “See you around, Connor. Have a good day.”

“You too, Sin.”

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