“No,” I answered her honestly, although I doubted she would believe me. Most people assumed I was a playboy. Or a fuckboy,like my brother. They didn’t think I could look how I look and have the money I have and not be. The truth was, this was the first time in my life I’d ever even been tempted to touch a stranger—much less kiss one or spend the night with one.
She grinned. “I didn’t think so.”
Again, her response surprised me. I could see that she believed me.
“What exactly did Fatima tell you?” I wasn’t sure what Fatima would have said to cause her to ask that question. Had she told her what I’d shared with her when we were stuck in the elevator? Had she revealed that I had mysophobia and that I suffered from OCPD?
“Um, well, I asked her if I went upstairs with you if I would end up on 20/20 or Dateline.”
That response was so out of left field that it took me a second to process what she’d just said; even when I did, I wasn’t sure I understood the context. “What?”
“I asked her if I was going to end up on one of those shows.” She paused, presumably for me to get up to speed. When I clearly didn’t, she clarified further, “I wanted to know if I would be safe with you.”
“Oh… Oh, right. Of course.” I hadn’t even thought about that being an issue. I was so caught up in my own shit and everything that was going on in my head. Of course that would be a worry for her, and it absolutely fucking should be. The thought of her going up to a stranger’s room, a stranger who wasn’t me, did not sit well with me. In fact, I wanted to forbid her from ever doing that.
“She vouched for you. She said I wouldabsolutelybe safe, but she also said she didn’t think you would… She didn’t think that you would want to do…” She waved her hand between us. “…this. That’s why I asked you if you were going to ask me to your room,” she explained.
“She was right. I’ve never had a one-night stand.”
“Really? Why not?”
“I’m not usually attracted to people right away.” I didn’t tell her that it took me time to be attracted to someone because of my germaphobia. This wasn’t the time or place to talk about that. I didn’t think she’d understand that I’d never had an attraction to someone so intense that the thought of touching them, of kissing them, of having sex with them was more prevalent than my condition. Or that there was even more to it than that because of my OCPD and control issues. But I did explain, “Also, for what I like, I need someone to trust me.”
Her eyes widened slightly. “What do youlike?”
“It’s not anything crazy. I just like to be in control.”
Her cheeks flushed when I said the word control, and she licked her lips. My cock swelled painfully in my pants as her tongue slid along her mouth.
“Control?” she repeated.
“Yes. I need total control. In and out of the bedroom.”
“Total control.” She nodded her head as she sucked in a shaky breath, and the flush on her cheeks darkened. “Okay, just so I know we’re on the same page when you say you need trust but nothing ‘crazy.’ Are we talking like Fifty Shades with no red room and light BDSM?”
I couldn’t help but smile at her explanation. I’d never had anyone explain my kink so succinctly before. I needed a dom/sub relationship, no red room, and light BDSM. I needed to be in charge. In control. And sometimes, I liked to tie my partner up and use blindfolds.
Every time this woman opened her mouth, I was surprised by what came out of it. She was a breath of fresh air. She’d taken my world from fifty shades of gray, pun intended, to technicolor in the span of an hour.
And in two days, I was leaving the country for six months. That wasn’t exactly ideal.
“Yes. That’s exactly what I’m saying. Are you okay with that?”
“Yes.” She nodded, and a twinkle of excitement and arousal sparked in her eye. “I’mveryokay with that.”
Fuck. I was about to come, and I hadn’t even touched her. I needed to calm down before we started, or this was going to be over in less time than it took to undress her.
“Can I ask you something?” I questioned.
“I don’t have one-night stands either. I mean, I had one if you count hooking up with someone I knew for three months, but that was more of a situationship and?—”
“I wasn’t asking that,” I cut her off, not wanting to hear about any other man touching her. The thought of it made me feel things I was not used to feeling. Things like jealousy and possessiveness. Those were things that were not in my control, and I didnotlike that. “What did you do when you went back to the bar? I know you didn’t leave your phone.”
She bit the side of her mouth and glanced down at the floor. When she lifted her head again, her eyes met mine, and she licked her lips nervously. The sight caused my dick to swell painfully again. This conversation was torturous foreplay. It was driving me to the edge, and I wasn’t sure if I loved it or hated it. It was a fine line. I hated feeling out of control, but I loved what she did to make me feel out of control.
“I, um, I tipped Lucas,” she admitted sheepishly.
“You tipped him.”