Page 5 of Breaking Hudson

“Cole, you are gorgeous. Big fucking deal. You are not a size zero, but you know what?”

“What?” I sigh.

“I don’t care how big or small you are. As long as you are healthy, I could still pick you up and fuck you all the same,” he says bluntly. “I mean this from the bottom of my heart when I tell you that being in the friend zone with you is the last thing I want.”

“I don’t understand,” I say quietly.

“What do you want, Colette? For just a moment, force yourself out of that little bubble and tell me what you want. We have known each other for seventeen years and we have threatened this development in our relationship since we were twelve. Don’t act like this is sudden, because it’s not.”

I take a moment to just look at Hudson. I’ve seen the way he looks at me for a long time now, but I always thought there was no way he wanted more no matter the looks or the hinting at wanting more. I never considered that I actually had a chance with him. I’m so stressed and he is the only thing that brings me peace. So why don’t just take what I want?

Shoving all of my anxiety aside, I’ll make a split-second decision. If I think about it for too long, I will freak myself out, so I just do it. I stand up on my tiptoes and grab his face before pressing my lips against his. Regret immediately washes over me, and I try to pull away.

Hudson instantly pushes me back against the wall. He has one hand wrapped on the back of my neck and my chin is lifted with his thumb. “Mine,” he growls before kissing me hard. This time, I relax against him, and he grabs the back of my thighs to pick me up. I wrap myself around him as he keeps me pinned against the wall. We are completely and utterly lost in this kiss.It feels like all that is right in the world is guiding us through this moment.

“Fuck,” he sighs and drops me to my feet. He still has me pressed against the wall and I have my hands resting on his sculpted chest. Hudson is built like a brick wall. He is six foot three and solid muscle.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“It’s not that, sweetheart,” he says. “I’m trying to remind myself that someone hurt you. I have built up this fantasy in my mind about what this would be like when we finally got here, so I am just trying to dial it back a bit.”

“You fantasize about me?” I ask.

“Mhmm,” he says with a smile. “I have since I hit puberty.”

“I… really?” I ask, shocked.

“Yes,” he laughs.

“Is it wrong that I want to act on those fantasies, even though I just got raped?” I ask.

“There isn’t a rulebook for how to cope with rape,” he says. “You are safe with me so you can heal however you want to. I will say though, if it doesn’t include me fucking you in a shower… we should probably get out and get dressed.”

“I just want to stop thinking about it for a second,” I admit. “I’m also afraid that this is out of pity.”

“I am not going to pity fuck you,” he laughs. “Also, I’ve been jerking off to you since I was twelve. This is nothing compared to what I’ve pictured doing to you.”

“I don’t know how to respond to that,” I laugh. Hudson chuckles and shuts the water off before wrapping me in a soft towel. He ties one around his waist before we step out. I let him help me dry off and put on one of his shirts. He puts on a pair of gray sweatpants with nothing else, and it suddenly feels like torture. It is so hard not to look when he wears these damn sweatpants. Working in the gym, he does it frequently.

“My eyes are up here, Cole,” he teases.

“I think it’s looking at me,” I say. “Why do you have to keep wearing the sweatpants?”

“Because it gets you to look at my dick,” he laughs. “You suck at trying to hide that you do it.”

“No comment,” I say as we step out of the bathroom. “Am I taking the guest room or the couch?”

“Neither. You are staying in here with me,” he says. “Lay down. We can watch a movie.”

“Hudson. You don’t have to adopt me like a puppy,” I say. “I can sleep on my own.”

“That’s the thing, Cole. I don’t think you actually want to sleep alone. I know that I don’t want to,” he says. “If you do, you are more than welcome to take over the guestroom. Otherwise, you are sleeping in here with me.”

“How on earth does that work? That doesn’t help me thinking I’m in the way of you building a future for yourself,” I argue. “How are you supposed to be in a relationship with someone if your best friend is in bed with you?”

“The only person I want to be in a relationship with is you,” he says. “I had plans on telling you that tonight either way, so I feel like it’s only appropriate that I stick to my plan.”

“What?” I ask.

---