Page 37 of My Brother's Best Friend

When I reached the exit of Redwood Academy, I shoved the door open and dropped to my knees on the concrete sidewalk. Bile rose in my throat, and I puked up my breakfast. I staggered to my feet once more, wanting to put as much distance between me and the school as possible, and hurried to my car.

I drove and I drove and I fucking drove.

Once I reached the Overlook, I shoved my door open and collapsed down onto the nearest rock. My stomach wouldn’t stop twisting tighter and tighter, my throat burning, my eyes filling with tears. Everyone had seen it.

And yet, still, nobody would believe me. Nobody would fucking believe me.

Why had they taken that stupid fucking video of me with my dick hanging out of my jeans while I was fucking drugged the hell out? Why would my fucking teammates, who were supposed to have my back, do that to me? And Mom telling Maddie that I had anxiety?

It was like the world was telling me to fucking off myself.

The thought shook me to my core, but I couldn’t get it out of my head. I couldn’t stop thinking that the pain would go away, that the constant worrying would finally vanish, that I didn’t have to deal with this shit anymore if I just did it.

A car skirted up to the curb behind me, and then a door slammed shut.

“Alec!” Maddie called from behind.

“Go back to fucking Redwood, Maddie,” I growled, my voice breaking halfway through.

“Come here,” she murmured, pulling me into her arms.

“Go back to fucking Redwood,” I repeated, pain shooting through every single inch of my body, every crevice and vessel. I wanted things to go back to the way they fucking had been. “Go back to Redwood and laugh with everyone about me.”

“It’s okay,” she whispered, running her hands through my hair as she pulled me closer and closer to her chest. She tried to grasp me, but we slipped off the rock and onto the ground. Still, she didn’t wince. She didn’t move. She held me tight. “It’s okay, Alec. I’m here.”

“Laugh with them all,” I cried, finally fucking breaking. “I deserve it for cheating on you.”

“Stop it,” she whispered. “I know what you’re doing—trying to make yourself feel worse for what happened. I used to do that, too, with Spencer. It’s not going to make anything any better for you or for us. You can talk to me about what happened, Alec. I’m not going to laugh.”

I bit back a cry for the longest time until I physically couldn’t anymore.

“I didn’t want it, Maddie,” I sobbed, grasping on to her like she was the only thing left in this world. “I didn’t want it. I didn’t want it. I didn’t want it. And no-nobody believes me.” I opened my mouth to continue, but I could only sob again. “Nobody believes me.”

“I believe you,” she whispered.

“No.”

No matter how many times she said it, I wouldn’t believe that she believed me. Nobody had. Not my best friends. Not my coach. Dad wouldn’t either. How could a girl who thought that I had cheated on her believe that I had been raped, taken advantage of?

Instead of getting pissed, like I expected, she pulled me even closer and rocked us back and forth. “I’m so sorry this has happened to you, Alec. Nobody deserves this to happen to them. I believe you.”

The longer she held me, the weaker my shoulders became. I grasped her as tightly as I could and sobbed into the crook of her shoulder, ugly cries escaping my mouth. Dad, Coach, and all my friends would call me weak if they saw me like this.

But Maddie …

God, Maddie was holding me tighter than anyone had ever held me before.

I didn’t want her to go. I didn’t want her to leave me. I needed her.

And when I finally gathered the strength to pull myself together, probably an hour or two later, I lifted my head. She took my face in her hands and drew her thumbs across my cheeks in soothing circles.

“You were passed out that entire time?” she asked, staring at me through teary eyes.

“Y-yes,” I sobbed. “I think she drugged me.”

“Who?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered, another wave of pain shooting through me. “I don’t know, Maddie, and I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve someone like me. What if she … what if she is pregnant? I don’t want to be a fucking dad now, have never wanted to be with anyone but you.” The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them.

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